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 Sep 2018 Alexander T
eileen
sober
 Sep 2018 Alexander T
eileen
when you became it all for me
I never took a glance back
what was I missing

keep your thoughts on me
there isn't anyone else

you've forgotten
everything I made you feel

crying out for help
the sun is half

I love you so much
I can't look at anyone the same

I'm sober
dreaming the pain away

half of the sun is up
the other half is yours

I just want you to ask for me
come back and see me

I love you
I'll never forget

trying to let the feelings fall away

I never looked back
never blinked an eye

now I'm regretting
our last goodbye

I love someone
who doesn't love me the same way
it's to late to say sorry
That pure innocent smile,
Your childish face and that side profile,
Your silky hair and that perfect hairstyle,
Would never forget you.
**** I miss you!

The touch of your smooth skin,
That beautiful little chin,
Your blushy cheeks and that grin,
Still I adore you.
**** I miss you!

Those big dope eyes,
That Stupid nose ,
Those size 7 feet and pinky toes.
Your medications and Ayurvedic dose.
Wish again to feel you.
**** I miss you!

Baby I still remember,
that freezy December,
The day we fell off the scooter,
Your stupid buggy computer.
Our first date and the perfect kiss,
That raining night we spent in balcony
When you burnt the toast and macrony,
That birthday card you made me,
Helping in projects and assignments,
You taking care when I got sick,
I recall all those perfect memories of you,
still there's a place for you,
**** I miss you!

I wish you would have waited,
I would have come back,
But I can't blame you,
It was me who needed the space,
The fault is my OWN!
So I am the one left ALONE! :'(
I miss every cell of your body,
every second spent with you,
every moment in your arms,
Every bite I had with you.
I ******* miss the whole of YOU.
 Sep 2018 Alexander T
eileen
curves
 Sep 2018 Alexander T
eileen
fly me to a cloud

I know it's not a game

it's not okay

I'm your nightmare

A rose so pretty
it kills you
I'm the one who
picks you apart

when the time comes
you'll be begging for my help

life is so funny

you'll wish
you didn't do it

it's alright
I know to play mind games
 Nov 2017 Alexander T
nim
I thought he was perfect.
He's got the cutest smile, a handsome face; yet not too hot so other girls would steal him.
Smart, aces the exams without studying, too.

Clever, cute, loyal to death and loves me, too.
What more could I possibly ever wish for?

The thin layer of sweat covers his body, glittering in the last dusk's breath.
Sparkles of silver are in his eyes, as if God himself got down on Earth to pour galaxies in his wooden eyes, which are prospecting me.

So, what's the missing puzzle?
You love him, don't you?

Then look at you.

Gazing at the reflection in the mirror, quietly standing.
I look at the dark circles under my eyes which are expanding, following my nose line by the parallel.

Then I look at my nose which I've always hated; the uneven line, like the messy sea in sky's rage.

Then I look at myself.

And I rage, too.

So where's the missing puzzle?
Why does he care?
Why do I?
Ah, youth - well you wore me thin,
And, by the skin of I teeth I'd almost felt something.

So there's the missing puzzle.
Me.

I even showed him how I look without makeup. I showed him my madness and my crazyness which would shoo any man away.
Why's he here?

I'm not perfect like him.
And I can't stand, oh, I can't stand the pressure.
I look at my curvy body and stretch marks, lining my legs and showing me my fight with life I'd quit from for another reason.

Why me?

And now,
The mirror's smudged with blood
And I'm sitting on a lonely chair,
A lonely soul, in a lonely room,
With a lonely mind in this lonely world.

I don't know love no more.
How could I?
I take out the mirror bits from out of my fist, silently observing.

Then I look at me.

The face of a disappointed warrior with a long past of fighting her own life,
And it might seem dramatic to you,
But I've had a lot of things on my mind
Which you wouldn't find on the normal silver plate.

I'm not perfect, nor I plan to be.
I see through the lies caused by the love veil, and I choosed to rip it off, but it's not falling down.

And I'm afraid,
I'm afraid if I stay;
When will he
Take it
Off?
A simple love story.
There's an ache in my chest.
It floods my senses and swallows me whole.
I'm drowning in pain and sorrow.
My only lifeline has left me.
Was I not enough?
Was I too much?
Maybe I was too vulnerable.
I let you peek behind my wall and you used it against me.
I let myself become a weapon in your sugarcoated hands.
But the sugar became poison and my heart slipped between your fingers.
I felt it smash to the floor as I let out a single tear.
The pain was masked by a bright smile but tonight that smile falls.
I let myself believe you were perfection.
I was blinded by my own stupidity.
I blame myself for your mistakes.
All I can do now is pick up the pieces and move on.
Those three little words will never pass these lips again.
The only word I will utter to you after this will be the last of many.
Goodbye.
Goodbye to the butterflies and knots.
Goodbye to the kisses and tears.
Goodbye to the hugs and bruises.
Goodbye.
I won't miss you.
 Nov 2017 Alexander T
She Writes
I miss you
And you aren’t even gone yet
From experience
I know how this will end

One day you will find someone new
Meet someone funnier; prettier
You’ll slowly slip away
All while denying anything is wrong

When you look into her eyes
You will see a future
When you look in my eyes
You see lust and desire

There is no future for us here
so why do I let myself fall in love anyway?
 Nov 2017 Alexander T
Aerinlia
Love
 Nov 2017 Alexander T
Aerinlia
Love
What is it?
When was the last time I fell in love?
I don't even know anymore

Love
What is it?
When was the last time I deeply cared about someone?
I don't even remember anymore

Love
What is it?
When was the last time I genuinely smile because of someone?
I don't even remember that I did.
I wrap my life in crimson sheets of paper
         so nobody will notice when the blood seeps through
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