I still remember all the stuff I did
when I was just a little kid
such warm memories
of chasing squirrels and climbing trees
running free and flying kites
I would never flee getting in fights
so much energy riding bikes
no such jeopardy going on hikes.

I would sit for hours
and imagine I had super powers
where I could fly
across the fields
and wave at passersby's
on tops of hills
I used to read so many books
and didn't care about the way I looked
please bring back that small child
so once again I can truly smile.

I believed the world was full with good
that everybody had some food
I guess my parents protected me
so reality I couldn't see
when really its filled with so much bad
where half the world is starving
and the other half sad
why would anyone want to have a child?
to raise them in a world so desolate and wild.

Sometimes I wish I was still ten
but this is now and that was then
I may no longer have my innocence
long since squandered for independence
free to travel where I could only dream
and see the things I've never seen
so I may not smile so easily
or still laugh as freely
but I can love you dearly
for now I understand
so clearly
what it means when you hold my hand
and what it's like to truly kiss
I now know what love really is
not a word thrown about in playgrounds
but something grown from the heart that pounds
only when you are around.

So if I had my time again
to live my life from the age of ten
I wouldn't worry about the little things
or care what the future brings
I would seize every opportunity
Instead of living my life so fruitlessly
I may only write nothing but the truth
but it means nothing without my youth.

I'm not perfect
so much chaos lurks beneath the surface
I feel so useless
so worthless
I have all these thoughts and feelings
that are festering within
maybe I should be kneeling
asking forgiveness for my sins.

It's so hard to be good
when I'm surrounded by bad
It's so hard to do what I should
when I get so mad
with frustration
at my situation
the fact that it's my own doing
that I brought about my own ruin
only makes things worse
I dig my own grave
my soul I cannot save.
Now the die has been cast.

If only I could travel back to the past
to my ten year old self
back when I was innocent
before I worried about wealth
before I viewed adult content
before I knew what *** meant
he would be so ashamed
how I've blackened his name
but even though I'm so ****** up
we're still the same
buried deep within
just sleeping.

He would point out the obvious
to which I am oblivious
follow your dreams
the ones you had before your teens
forget that your brain has taken you hostage
and focus on the positive
the people that love you
and the love that is new
the ones that are closest
then you will make progress.

Maybe I just need that talk
to tell me I'm not a complete wreck
that I can be salvaged
that none of us are perfect
I just have to fix the damage
then maybe I can manage
to continue my journey
I guess its kinda funny
the things that I thought made me free
are the same things that have undone me.

No one will ever win
because no one gives in
sometimes its better to concede
then forever bleed
my shirt soaked red
from the heart on my sleeve
a battle of words cast
the sting that lasts
like venom that seeps
through our veins
the pleasure that's reaped
from our brains
knowing that we cause pain
sowing seeds
no flowers grow
only weeds.

A flip of a coin
is what decides
to face the ruin
or run and hide
if only we used a note
so we could simply float
past every decision
because whatever the choice
it always brings collisions
so listen to the voice
not in your mind
but in your heart
then you will find
what was, has past.

Let me just lay here
and count the raindrops
they remind me of tears
that never stopped
running down the window pane
why do we run if we've already lost?
I've never felt that much pain
or paid a higher cost
to loose a love like a missing sock
now I'm oddly paired
and out of luck
oh how I despaired
and buried my head
hoping the wind would carry the sand
no longer to be wed
no reason to wear the band
a reminder cast in solid gold
a useless trinket
an empty hole
a broken promise
has passed her lips
no granted wish
will ever be his
all that's left is an odd sock
and a broken heart
is what she took.

I told you once that I loved you
but now you're with someone else
even though my words are still true
I've put my heart back on the shelf.

I still think you're beautiful
but can't tell you that anymore
even though my world you still rule
I replay your response from before.

Never had the chance to hold you tight
yet I still said all will be ok
and now that you're out of sight
those words I still want to say.

For out of sight isn't out of mind
and out of love isn't out of heart
in the deepest place your name is signed
till the day that I depart.

Because I can no longer say it
I will write the truth
and one day you may read it
that I still love you.

one hundred children out at play
one hundred names or so they say
one hundred church bells that rang
one hundred voices never sang
one hundred reasons as to why
one hundred planes soared in the sky
one hundred bombs dropped from above
one hundred bodies burst with love
one hundred more upon the ground
one hundred hearts were never found
one hundred people hid instead
one hundred living are still dead
one hundred souls quaked with fear
one hundred ears will not hear
i love you.

I wish she had spoken to me one last time
to tell me everything will be just fine
and hadn't forgotten how much I cared
or all the moments that we shared
even though she was with someone else
and life had robbed her of her health
she still thought of me as fondly
that I was more than just a probably
if only the river ran a different course
or that I'd given a little more pause.

Whats meant to be is meant to be
for all rivers run to the sea
one day you will be with me
when the waves reach eternity.

She told me she would be gone a while
that she had already reconciled
and as she closed her sullen eyes
I leaned in close to say goodbye
but she never heard me say
for she was already on her way
because dreamers never really leave
they just drift off down the stream
where we will meet on some distant shore
and time and pain will be no more.

If I could live just one more day
to live without the fear
in your arms I would stay
holding you tight, right here.

Beneath the stars as we lay
I would tell you clear
how you moulded my heart of clay
how much I loved you dear.

That I would not betray
then as I held you near
it all began to fade away
our love, my life, the fear.

I took a trip to the edge of the Earth
where nobody else exists
it's as if the world just gave birth
to a man with a single wish
see I already used up two
on finding love and then you
so where do I go from here?
-- now I've reached the end
is there really a way past fear?
-- or should I just pretend
to live a life that's normal
as normal as life can be
I've already tried to warn you
not to follow me
I'm no teacher or prophet
I'm just a man with a single wish
as I've already lost it
already discarded my list
scattered all my dreams
so maybe I should be content
without all the dreaming
to know that I never meant
to hurt another being.

As I sit upon the edge
and look into the abyss
I will make a pledge
to not waste this last wish
so let me sail into the stars
in this one man boat
who knows how far
I only wish I brought a coat.

My face is just a mask
if you want to find out the real me just ask
for I am an open book
once you enter you will be hooked
a page turner
as everything I write is to teach
so you can be my learner
and your ears I may reach.

From my mistakes
the truth I do take
and compile into verse
for this is my curse
a conduit of truth
a study in how to loose
everything and everyone
I have ever loved beneath the sun.

My walls of confidence have been breached
but at least too my heart was reached
for I can say I've loved and lived
every thought and feeling I now give
so you can read
but not heed
the life that I now live.

Just because we don't talk
doesn't mean I think of you less
now outlined in chalk
yet I still feel the need to impress
still wait for your reply
yes I want it to work
that's why I still try
even if I feel the hurt
and the pain
I endure it all
because I still feel the same
you can call me a fool
or any other name
just as long as you call
just as long as you remain.

I tried to let you go so many times
but your very existence is woven into mine
you are written between every line
will I ever find all the words to explain
this sensation called love by any other name
I love video games and chocolate
and other miscellaneous objects
but what I really love is none of these things
when I compare them to you
for everything else pales in comparison
like seeing the world all a new
you have become the light to my eye
the sun that shines through darkened sky
the very life that will never die
you are the breath in my lungs
what's left of my song.

In reality this poem is just a mirage
an illusion  of what really is
for what is can never be imagined
it can't be captured by a thought
or ever held in just a feeling.
What really is
what you are
is love.

So I can never let you go
as I never had you to begin with
you were my illusion
because you are love
you left me as confusion
because you are love
you are a paradox
we are a pair of socks
but one is missing
I am the odd sock
this is the unsolvable riddle
the one that will always get lost
a maze that starts and ends in the middle.
*This is love.
God is love.
You are love.
I am love.
We are love.

How I hunger for the taste of your lips
as we meet in the night like two passing ships
I would lay anchor in your bay
and spend the time to and fray
until your bough breaks
or dawn chorus wakes
then I would be on my way.

With a farewell greeting
for our fateful meeting
as our love like the night was fleeting
remembered only in tale
a sailor's fable
of two passing ships.

Back and forth it goes around the room
been here all day and now its noon
just me and my homies laid back, relaxing
each one of us lyrically waxing
as we take turns to do a line
heads down to the grind
eyes are looking a little puffy
**** this work makes you hungry
got me some major munchies
as I grab another pretzel
writing poetry with a blunt pencil.

She sells her body to strangers
for a hot meal and a cup of coffee
sometimes they don't even pay her
sometimes its just for free
all so she can escape
her reality.

Standing on street corners
between lost and abandoned
a friend tried to warn her
but never had she fathomed
it would turn out like this
from her lemonade stand
to giving it away with a kiss
picked up by another man
she's reminded of her father
on his finger is a band
as he wraps his arms around her
the odour is overpowering
his body weight
and laboured breathing
its getting late
she must be leaving
to another bed where she sleeps alone
and nightmares await
of old men's groans
she's no ones baby girl
an adult at only seventeen
her grandmother said she was a pearl
but how can she forget the things she's seen
worn down to a piece of grit
by a thousand grubby hands
she's been abused and hit
this tiny piece of sand
someone so insignificant
that no one will remember
a boy told her she was heaven sent
right before he used her.

She's become numb to the words
she's become numb to their touch
there's no place left in this world
its all become to much
so she closes her eyes
for one last time
and heads to the sky
where they can never find.

I still remember things from years ago
but your face has started to fade
it's not what you say but what you know
and I don't know those memories made
how I wish I had a picture of us
side by side holding hands
my head is full of all this stuff
films, books and bands
yet the only thing I wish to remember
was your rosey cheeks on that cold December
an angel in the snow
how I wish to know
what I once knew
that picture of you
of us..
what's lost...

I keep pushing myself to the extreme
keep indulging in the obscene
trying to break my mask
all this reality is just a dream
a dream about the past
I pinch myself so I will wake
a pinch of salt is all I take
a glimpse into the unknown
so I can escape this dream
this tapestry I have sown
for every illusion has a seam
where time and reality is stitched
but there are no maps
no one knows where or which
just a maybe or perhaps
so pushing boundaries is all I have
hoping something snaps
on to silence I try to grab
but echos are all I hear
a voice from my childhood
a little boy transfixed with fear
I don't know if I should
follow the yellow brick road
follow it all the way home
a pinch of salt to blind the witch
I pinch myself but still don't flinch
maybe Oz is all there is
maybe it was and still is
maybe because I willed it
if I designed it I can **** it
there's no more reason to pretend
take a knife to my imaginary friend
take his life so my dream can end.

Your beauty is like a prism,
but all you see is a prison,
trapped in your mind you envision,
a future without relations,
surrounded by temptation,
when all you want is love.

So you bury your feelings,
and hide your emotions,
drowning your demons,
in magical potions,
shying from attention,
avoiding affection,
because you've already been hurt.

Yet I understand you,
for I wore the same shoes,
which is why I still fight,
trying to restore new,
so others can adore too,
your prism of light.

Do you need another poem?
haven’t all my words been sown

I stitched verses together  
to  get  her
forget    her

I cannot

She is at my seams
my lungs scream

silence

I provide it
in brief moments of emptiness

I have no mistress
no muse at my disposal
just memories that act like chains upon my heart

but this is art

No! this is my heart
sprawled across the page

every page

I wage war with myself
just so I can speak

I keep nothing back
you’ve seen the white and the black
a contrast that happens so fast
I almost look complete

I could never accept defeat
not even death could steal my promises

I promised this

.

I lost myself to an idea of love
whilst my heart drifted off
on a cascade of crimson tears
they never really fade the fears
lurking in the darkest corners
they're always there to haunt us
so I listen with deep intent
for a whisper of your loves scent
a moment where hearts meet as one
when mine beats not as drum
but as a harp which strings you pluck
my heart was always yours to buck
to buck and break at slightest whim
my love you take on nightly winds
blowing away my earthly desires
as my body it surely tires
and loose myself once again
my heart, my lover, my oldest friend.

I could ask a million questions
and receive a million answers
yet I too would still be questing
for I cannot become the master.

Who is it that knows the mind of God?
that can tell the difference between dirt and mud?
for man's nature is curiosity
to try and explain all he can't see.

But it's only through the eyes of the wise
that there's nothing here to realise
there are no problems when there are no questions
just trust in your intuition
have faith in what he has provided
then you will no longer be divided.

For who am I to question him?
let there be no more questioning
with every solution comes a problem
another reason for you to rob them
of money, life and passion
so just let it be
so once again we can see
the real truth
which was revealed in our youth
there's no need to be asking
seeking and grasping
for we are all just passing  
it's life that's everlasting.

Real beauty only lasts a while
like a fading sunset
or your smile
like a flower at full bloom
or changing seasons
it's gone too soon.
Such beauty cannot be captured by words
no sound can be uttered not a syllable heard
so I sit in deathly silence
and admire the view
something so timeless
as I look at you.

Like that flower
you stand alone in a field
supported by God's power
to which you yield
I dare not pick you
as you will only wither
so I must wait and watch
whilst you dither.

I'm glad I witnessed
something so beautiful
my life has been blessed
you do not need a mirror
for the only thing that reflects
your beauty is the heavens
something so perfect
I have been in its presence.
Gods own creation
such unknown perfection.

Like the changing season
you pass without reason
no explanation
just fade like our relation.
Please bring back your summer sun
so I can bask in your glow
from heavenwards above
just tell me why you had to go
and leave without my love.
If you are the sun then I am the moon
never to meet and gone too soon.

Although I don't want to see you go
deep down I already know
so I just admire you from afar
like another shooting star
so beautiful in the nights sky
you have my attention
you've caught my eye
I look in your direction
but you fade and die.

Celebrities are the new deities
we have more than the Hindus
that we watch through the windows
of our TVs
is this what we aspire to be?
- plastic dolls
that someone else controls?
for they have their own gods
- money rules
there will be no more floods
to wash away these fools.

Instead look through the other window
and watch the rainbow
that everlasting promise
from the real King
for if we are distracted by fake things
we forget it's his praises we should sing
his song doesn't reside in pop charts
but should remain number one in our hearts
so stop being swayed by reality stars
fake fame and fast cars
and look to the sky for the one that lasts.

I once mistook a bed sheet drying in the wind for a white flag
maybe surrender is love, you may quote this

it's the small things that I notice, the way she strokes the back of her head when she's thinking as if comfortably reassuring that the answers will come

I always had the answers but never to the questions that were important;
like why can't I surrender my heart
why does it hurt so much to let you go
there are so many things I don't know
but she's not here to ask her
so I forgo the answers

I will continue to hang my heart out to dry
a red flag for all who look my way
there are no words that I need say
just a come what may
it came and went and came again
I'm still the same my friend

maybe the answers will never arrive
maybe I need to surrender instead of survive
there have been so many maybes and may days but lately it's too much
I miss your touch
not physical but the way you were able to breech my barriers,
you touched my heart as cheesy as that sounds
but I'm a romantic so I'm pro dairy

my poems have become my diary
I milk my heart for all its worth
for all its hurt and pain
I would do it again
fall in love with you.

She was the Rose in my heart
and the thorn in my head
for her it did bloom
for her I have bled

When she no longer shines
and tears no longer water
the heart it begins to die
the Rose it starts to wither

One day she will rise
but when nobody knows
then she shall shine again
and my heart will be a Rose

If seeing is believing
then I guess you will be leaving
every emotion, every feeling
that you were receiving
behind.

For every person you have ever loved or even hated
you once shoved or even dated
was just a lie
as love and hate are just emotions
a state of being
a set of notions
that don't involve seeing.

A blind man doesn't need his eyes
to see the truth
on them he does not rely
he just needs the proof
as through his minds eye he can realise
because his minds eyes are his real eyes.

For he does not see the wind
but feels his coat being pinned
to his very skin
and can't visualise electricity
but with his real eyes he does see
that the power it generates
is real to he.

Now even though we can't see God
doesn't make him a concept of mans mind
dreamt up by all mankind
all you have to do is read
his very word through the bible
then you too will believe
and be liable to see.

The truth from fiction
the reality from prediction
for every past conviction
isn't a contradiction
as some would have you believe
because they only use their eyes to see.

Now even though you're reading this with your eyes
you're now slowly starting to realise
that believing comes from the mind and being wise
for the eyes are just deceiving
and seeing isn't believing.

I could tell you a story
though it may not be true
about pain so gory
of a heart ripped in two.

In legend it is told
a tail thats spun
upon lies was sold
and now its begun.

There was once a man
that gave it all
without a plan
not afraid to fall.

I guess he was naive
as his heart was on display
attached to his sleeve
and on it she did prey.

For he met a girl
or she found him
like a precious pearl
that shined within.

But also without
for he tried to grab it
and she had her doubts
as it was writ...

That never can such a jewel be owned
nor can you claim another's heart
for all beauty is only on loan
till such a time you must part.

I have collected up all your things
and filed away all our dreams
for seeing and thinking would be far too painful
yet to have known you I am eternally grateful.

We never really said goodbye
so the shoe box will remain
the same till the day I die
with an unbroken seal
and wounds that will never heal.

Pushed to the back of my closet
is where I leave the boxed deposit
just a collection of things gathering dust
a reflection of us and a love long lost.

If I can only do the same
with the memories in my brain
yet some things cannot be forgotten
so they too remain just rotting.

What have we become?
The same thing that we despised
What happened to when we were young?
How can I now look you in the eyes?

What was right is now wrong
and what was white is now black
yet we still march on
because what we lost we can't get back.

For we exist within the grey area
lost somewhere in between
we've hit the invisible barrier
the place that's never seen.

I now embrace my imperfections
no longer chase the wind
no comfort or protection
for I know that I am sin.

What have we become?
the same thing that we despised
what happened to when we were young?
how can I now look you in the eyes?

What was right is now wrong
and what was white is now black
yet we still march on
because what we lost we can't get back.

For we exist within the grey area
lost somewhere in between
we've hit the invisible barrier
the place that's never seen.

I now embrace my imperfections
no longer chase the wind
no comfort or protection
for I know that I am sin.

I am a soldier of fortune
but my fortune is not ruin
or even gold
it's life that I hold
in my hands
as a soldier of God
I stand before you
to reveal man's duplicity
of our so called democracy's
the elected officials
yet the only thing official
is there are so many issues
with man-made governments
so many wars
and so much poverty
another lost cause
for all to see.

I have no allegiance to parliaments
and presidents
or the flags they fly
***** rags soaked in the blood of those who've died
and the tears of families left behind who cry
my only loyalty is to God and his theocracy
to expose mankind's hypocrisy
how nation rise up against nation
and man against man
for God is our only salvation
how do you not understand?
I do not need a sword and a shield
as Gods word is more powerful then anything you could wield
It has the ability to change minds
and to save lives
the ability to expose true intentions
and dispose of Satan's inventions.

Satan's sinister ploy
to cause havoc and destroy
the lives of many
that follow his worldly governments
enticed by riches of plenty
for his entertainment
like puppets on a string
they do no thinking
just further sinking
into depravity
lets pray its over soon
that God ends their blasphemy
and brings them to ruin
so I no longer have to be
a Soldier of Fortune.

Still searching for something...

I silently shifted past silhouettes of strangers for I am a shadow formerly named.

Someone said you felt the same, a sorceress seeking solitude inside a spire, a safe haven for all those stolen souls.

She was of the sea and softly spoke to me sowing smoke in weaves but I knew of no vowels that could commit her senses and yet sentences slowly slid from my mouth stolen by gravity towards the south where soldiers slept beneath the sands of sorrow.

Surrounded by sounds shifting from silence to song something sang sweetly secreting secrets only the stars dared keep.

So I buried my past somewhere in tomorrow somewhere I would never reach nor no longer seek for slumber is my only ally as I succumbed to sleep for the final time surrendering my soul to the valley of shapes and signs.

I borrowed another man's wife
just to see what it was like
she felt like an old sweater
I wish I had never met her
wearing someone else's clothes
but that's just how this story goes
a tale of twisted deceit
of two people caught in heat
stolen embers of a dying marriage
that relationship died in Paris
a bitter sweet honeymoon
they sealed their love in the catacombs.

Two wrongs don't make a right
yet still their passion did ignite
an unused match created a spark
on something new they would embark
but this relationship was doomed
from this maidens voyage
for jealousy did all but consume
because of one bad choice
let this be a warning I share
over a misguided affair
turning something blue
just to try something new.
I left her at Piccadilly station
waiting for a train
there's no way this relation
could ever happen again.

I hate the word suicide
probably because I can relate to that pain inside
so whenever I hear that word
I pretend it's something else I heard
like vending machines
or if those that vend can also dream
do machines really dream of electric sheep?
and instead of snoring do they actually beep?
is the food not dropping another form of rejection?
even though it's taken my money into it's collection
these are the sort of things I question
as I think of vending machines
instead of my suicidal tendencies.

I am just a sunflower
standing all alone
waiting for the right hour
when the clouds are gone.

I spread my petal like wings
whilst everybody watches me
I stretch, dance and sing
for my life is truly free.

I don't need to follow
I need not pretend
for I am not shallow
the sun my only friend.

I'm not scared to be different
not afraid to stand by myself
even though I may appear distant
love I give for it's my wealth.

Just turned sixteen
a rage of hormones
erogenous zones
no more sexting
or wet dreams
your sixteen
you have our permission
to give in to your impulses
full submission
your pulse races
no more wishing
release your inhibitions
but before you do hold up and listen.

You can't drink and drive
yet you can think of life
for now any thought you conceive
can legally achieve
a new life you can breed
Should anyone so young have this much power?
to class it as fun and be deflowered
just because you can attain an *******
stand to attention
gives you the right to create perfection?
- when love isn't even mentioned.

Should we raise the age limit?
Would teenage pregnancies plummet?
but you say
they will still do it anyway
regardless
they couldn't care less
do you blame parents?
- or carers?
Maybe we need
a better educational system
to teach them.

It’s the media that feeds
into the body image
a consistent mirage
a constant barrage
of so called celebrities
having *** on TV
With the skinny waist
fake *****
and high heels
what a waste,
you choose
how you feel.

Take time to pause
and hold onto what’s yours
for once lost
you will pay its cost
your virginity
is its own currency
people will value you more
or label you a *****
a ****, a slapper
a used ****** wrapper
go ahead tap her
she doesn't care
what you wear
or if you marry
take her cherry.

Just because it has a secondary function
doesn't mean you have to use your junk son.
the next time you get an *******
steer your mind in another direction
or at least use protection
so you don't spread STD's by infection
having *** so young can be tragic
take the time to think
or you may later regret it.

Don't give into peer pressure
Don’t use others as your measure
have *** at your leisure
when its your pleasure
when you're ready
not just because you've been going steady
protect your innocence
remain a princess
pretty in pink
abhor red
so think first
before bed.

This is why I write
for my words to incite
an insatiable passion
a dream that's everlasting
not this life that's fleeting
forever grasping
with every heart that's beating
and every breath taken
from the moment we awaken
for it's worth nothing
without loving
something or someone
with all our energy
with total consistency
but only you will know
what will make your heart grow
what really excites
i'm just here to incite
to create that spark
within your mind and hearts
I paint my words on paper
in order to shape your
destiny.

Now is not the time for hesitancy
the reluctant words that get tied upon our tongue
our voice faltered from when we were young
let no one halt your expressions
even if this is the only lesson
my only poem you ever read
let my creativity feed
into your subconscious
let my words breed
so you too want this
the urge
from my spark it does surge
until you can no longer sit still
from just a thought it becomes real
more than just a chemical reaction
let it become lasting satisfaction
so stand up and take action!