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little lioness Feb 2021
I have taught myself to believe that everything happens for a reason... how else am I supposed to cope with the endless, torturous hurt that barrels through my body day after day,
wearing down my bones the way
trains begin to wear down their tracks;
the piercing shriek of the wheels spinning against
the push of the brakes mimicking the
cry of my legs struggling to hold up the
nineteen year's worth of
trauma and heartache and exhaustion
threatening to come tumbling down onto
the tracks while my
heart is forced to stare helplessly on,
an innocent bystander
to the impending tragedy that will
forever scar her for life as she is
forced to watch me lose mine?
There has to be a reason
little lioness Feb 2021
I can feel myself returning
back to that same spot:
yours, in everything but title.

yet I can't stop myself from hoping and dreaming and praying that
maybe this time
you'll be mine, too.
even though I know you never will be.
I was a fool to think I could ever talk myself out of loving you.
little lioness Jan 2021
someday,
I will be worthy of the
same love
that I bestow onto others.

someday,
I will harbor the
same strength
that I give to others.

someday,
I will feel the
same joy
that I manifest for others.


but until that day,
I will wipe the
same tears,
dry the
same eyes,
bear the
same burden,
and carry on.
little lioness Jan 2021
Is there a prescription to treat
loneliness?
.
.
.
and how much is needed to cure it?
little lioness Jan 2021
there are millions of people that I have seen for the last time... but how many of them actually saw me?
little lioness Jan 2021
she may be my soulmate,
but what if
I'm not hers?
little lioness Jan 2021
it took two months for me to devote my love and loyalty to you.
despite knowing that you had someone who devoted seven year's worth,
I stayed ready, waiting, and hoping to be chosen for once,
just once I want to be somebody's devotion.

seven years, and this is the first time your devotion to her has wavered...
but despite the knowledge that there are other hearts at stake, my devotion to you stands tall and firm and... uncaring.

uncaring that your devotion lies elsewhere, uncaring that the late night promises made weren't truly for me but were simply missteps on your path of uncertainty, uncaring that you were not holding me to hold me, but holding someone because you were not able to hold her, uncaring that making me fall in love with you was nothing more than the result of your misguided attempt to find the romance and intimacy that you thought you had lost with her,
only to realize that you had to make a choice...
and that I wouldn't be chosen.
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