I don’t know where to begin,
where to start,
or where to end
and where to stop.

I don’t know how to tell you what’s on my mind.
There are so many words missing, words I can’t find.
Because my mind is a warzone, it is a battlefield.
And my shield is broken and my weapons are blunt.
There’s nothing and no one to protect me in a war against myself.

I scream and I scream, and my skin, my voice bleed and I hope I wake up and it’ll all just be a dream. But it’s not, it seems.
I feel shunned though I have been told I’m loved, and that those who’re around me, who surround me love me.

But I find it hard to believe it now.

Time flies so fast for me
or does it stand still, I don’t know.
Minutes to hours, hours to days.
And it’s getting difficult for me to see
beyond the fog that clouds my thoughts, my eyes.
So I put on a mask
And do the impossible task
Of waking up every day
as I struggle to put on the play.

But the problem never goes away.

I slowly start shutting myself out from people,
stop going to places that are crowded
all the while enjoying being shrouded in the dark of my room.

I feel doomed.

I don’t like to cook,
I don’t feel like reading a book.
All satisfaction is gone and
I don’t know what’s wrong.

I don’t enjoy the things I used to.

There’s no purpose for me,
I feel.
No motivation.
Everything is just white noise.
Everything is static.

So I stand here now,
tired and weary,
at a path
so dark and dreary
leading to different directions,
all the while thinking

**I don’t want to exist anymore.

Some people think
So much about dying
They forget in their lives
They are living

Some people live
So much for their lives
They forget, in time,
They’re going to die.

Some people end the lives of others,
Symbolically or literally
Some, the former initially,
And the latter not much after.

Some people decide to end the lives
Of their flesh, blood, the essence of themselves...
Some say that is the only sin
An all-loving God could never forgive.

Some die before they live.
Some half-way through existence
Most live before they die
But some die to live again, they try

Some die as children, untouched by shame or corruption
Some die with children, hearts swollen with the love their lives taught them
Some pass in their sleep, life with only regrets
Or not a trace of them at all

I suppose I cannot say.
But,
Answer this, if I may ask
When the time comes,

In your place to bask,
When you are about to die
Can you be sure that, once,
You had truly been alive?

We all grow.
Your closest friends seem to be leaving.
Yes we were kids I know,
We could be what we were pretending.
Like astronauts, presidents,
super heroes, firemen.
Those were simple days
When we were kids just playing games.

But now...

Gold chains glow.
For some reason I’m still dreaming.
All the kids I know
Are needing something to believe in.
Money, drugs, ***, poverty,
Liquor stores, and partying.
If this isn’t the real world is this all just still a game?

And now...

Time moves slow.
It seems like I was only dreaming.
We’re not the kids I know.
It’s really hard to keep believing in
Truth, love, and honesty.
So drop the chains, let’s sail these seas.
We could write stories about what we have failed to be.

No one wanted to believe in angels anymore
because they have met so many demons

*But little did they know,
I came across a deceiver
who became a love giver.

Memories drift in and out like tides
I see them so clear,
despite the dust added over the years.
Felt the sunshine and felt the rain,
Even conquered storms
but scars remain.
Every tear that falls down here
is to wish you could hear...
What you did was a blunder
I feel devastated.
Dreams turned into nightmares,
And love like this wasn't meant for me.
My feelings for you was a sin,
slipping through my hands like my fate
Washing over me like I've failed every moment.