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Apr 2017
I don’t know where to begin,
where to start,
or where to end
and where to stop.

I don’t know how to tell you what’s on my mind.
There are so many words missing, words I can’t find.
Because my mind is a warzone, it is a battlefield.
And my shield is broken and my weapons are blunt.
There’s nothing and no one to protect me in a war against myself.

I scream and I scream, and my skin, my voice bleed and I hope I wake up and it’ll all just be a dream. But it’s not, it seems.
I feel shunned though I have been told I’m loved, and that those who’re around me, who surround me love me.

But I find it hard to believe it now.

Time flies so fast for me
or does it stand still, I don’t know.
Minutes to hours, hours to days.
And it’s getting difficult for me to see
beyond the fog that clouds my thoughts, my eyes.
So I put on a mask
And do the impossible task
Of waking up every day
as I struggle to put on the play.

But the problem never goes away.

I slowly start shutting myself out from people,
stop going to places that are crowded
all the while enjoying being shrouded in the dark of my room.

I feel doomed.

I don’t like to cook,
I don’t feel like reading a book.
All satisfaction is gone and
I don’t know what’s wrong.

I don’t enjoy the things I used to.

There’s no purpose for me,
I feel.
No motivation.
Everything is just white noise.
Everything is static.

So I stand here now,
tired and weary,
at a path
so dark and dreary
leading to different directions,
all the while thinking

**I don’t want to exist anymore.
Isha Kumar
Written by
Isha Kumar  20/India
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