millions before you,
millions after,
millions around you,
but you are not full of laughter:

you are full of worry and fear,
because you think the trivia is what matters,
but at the end none of us do
only how we felt in the time we passed through;

so why not make it full of laughter and originality?
why not make it full of ourselves?
why not forget what others think?
why not do what we want in a blink.

its your laugh
i can still hear it,
still feel it

its your laugh
it makes me smile,
but then i get tears in my eyes

its your laugh
i wonder if i will ever forget

i lied,
to you, to them ....to me.
i stopped
the act to rest and breathe
i looked,
deep within ,and saw the real me
i realised,
that i'm exactly what i believed i wouldn't be.

her hands shaking,
her voice trembling,
her heart beating faster by the second;

HER HANDS SHAKING,
HER VOICE TREMBLING,
HER HEART BEATING BY THE SECOND.

but she won't give up.

you made me bleed,
and that reminded me I'm alive

in my dreams I am fearless
that's why sleep so much.

you left,
but  I don't know if I miss you out of  love or regret.

I don't want to cry anymore
I don't want to feel weak
but it just won't stop hurting.

it hurts
but
what if  this is just my excuse.

A tear drop flows,burning my cheek,
and onto the paper i write,
the drop then makes the paper ignite;
the anger, the frustration , the hidden agitation,
along with the paper go bright,
leaving my mind at rest for the night.

I'm scared
I'm lonely
I'm empty
but I'm not .

I'm tired
I'm burned out
I'm passionless
but I'm not .

I'm rude
I'm selfish
I'm careless
but I'm not .

I'm lost
I'm crying
I'm quiet
but I'm not .

I'm full of excuses.

from embracing the stage and dancing my emotions
to being scared of it,
from sketching for expression and heal depression
to being detached from it,
from talking my heart out
to keeping thoughts sealed in,
from loving people for the good in them
to always pointing out the faults,
from going out and enjoying
to staying in and sulking,
from loving my body
to criticizing it from every angle,
from trying to improve myself
to fix myself.

you are dying ,so am i,
and so is everyone else.
Now,do we decide to be killed by time
                         or
                    get up
            and really be alive
                          ?

oh! what it would feel like to be understood for once;
if your mom understood its frustrating to live up to her expectations;
if your dad got you don't want to do everything according to his rule book ;
if your parents knew that the swollen hand print on your back will not make you think the way they do;
if they understood that embarrassing their children doesn't act as a motivation;
if they said what will make you feel better about your already pathetic personality;
if they got the little things,and were the ones that made you feel better,instead of the ones that made your eyes pour .

What makes me hate humans so much ? its the fact that they ruined everything;
i hate the fact that i will never take in fresh ,unpolluted air into my lungs.
that every time i take a deep breath it tastes like smoke
that when i look up at night i barely see stars
that when i look down,all i see is tar
that the birds i used to watch all day  are slowly going away
that the insects which wandered this garden are no more there
that the tree in front of my house now gives less flowers
that when it doesn't rain it looks like all plants are covered with flour
that the news these days is full of suffering sea animals
that every other place is being used for dumping chemicals

that humans.......... are the worst of all;
i hate this feeling inside me that fears a loss of connection,the connection with nature .
i fear more that ever because earlier at least i had hope but now it just feels impossible to make a difference in a world where people care more about their profile picture than the beauty of nature.