If I had known when our last day was going to be, would I have lived that week differently?
Realistically, yes.
But only because I would have been panicking.
So let's not be realistic.
Let's be idealistic.
If I had known then what I know now…
I would have read to you.
I would have read until my throat was sore because I know how much you wanted to be home with a book.
I would have turned on all your favorite music. We would have streamed a thousand movies. Anything you wanted to see. I would have brought you anything you wanted to eat or drink.
I would have asked 5 billion questions and written it all down. I would have recorded your voice so I never forget the sound. We would have recounted our best memories and I would have asked you, how am I supposed to move on without you. I would have written your memorial and read it aloud so you knew what it would say…
I told you “I love you” five-thousand  times a day. But I would have said it five-thousand and one just to be safe.
If only I had known.

An eyelash fell on my cheek today
And without much thought I flicked it away
No wishes to be made
No games to be played
Just like my old eyelash
I floated away

Thou steppedst into this world with a purpose,
And it's by HIS Grace for Glory,
Each moment HE hath led thee in HIS Care,
All thro' thy twenty years HE kept thee in HIS *****,
Each thought in thy mind is HIS Grace,
Each word thou uttereth is by HIS Power,
Each deed of thine is HIS Will to do,
And thy breath in thee is HIS Gift to seek Eternity.
Thou hast travelled twenty milestones in HIS Care,
And on this day thou hast steppedst into thy 21st milestone on earth,
That thou shall be in HIS Love till reaching Eternity.
And so, thou shall walk in His Footsteps ever,
And HE is God in Christ JESUS WHO is the ONLY WAY into Eternity.

I crave to be so much
It haunts me in dreams I don't wish to indulge
A perfectionist, my heart wishes
But such a thought and my soul clenches

I crave to be the only choice
Not a second voice
To shine alone like the moon
But be a star soon

I crave to rule hearts
Have power to be unbroken in my palms
To heal scars
Loving the most darkest path tragedies cast

I crave to be at the top of every crest
Never fail a single test
To answer every question right
Be ideal to anyone in sight

I crave to be so much
Selfish and guilty desires proved such
When all my wants are pacified
Will i finally be gratified?

I have all these scenarios playing out in my head
Because I keep wondering what life would be like instead
Of waiting for the future, I imagine it myself
Cause I know, life won't turn out as I hoped
They'll fall apart
I'll fall with them
These images in my head will fade
None of them will be real
All these scenarios
Will only ever remain
As words.