the current song playing
compels me to think of you.

compels me to start writing
a poem that won't ever sum up
the feelings so deep within me
that makes me think of you.

I feel sound and foolish
for having thoughts of you
swim throughout my mind
as I should just call you,
though I won't.

I know you won't answer,
not because it's me, because
you just don't like answering
your phone.

and I know this about you
and I'm still compelled
to think of you even
after the song ended.

Whats that ?
says what
to that what says

everything will surely change
because nothing in this world is permanent
however,  it’s still a matter of choosing between
it is what it is
or
change to have the best and less regrets

I fear what I am becoming
What am I saying?
What am I doing?
Am I insane?

Where's my shame?
On the inside...
Where's my guilt?
Threatening to break lose...
Will I let it go?
Maybe...
What am I?
I don't know...

- Jay M
May 7th, 2019

I hate when the my thoughts go there
And I sit and stare
I hate when I get tempted to do that
And I do and regret
I hate when I do not feel content
As I  haven't  lived a sad life.
I hate when I do not know what I resent
But that feeling controls my life
I hate to see that I am not what I wanted to be

some days i worry
that the person i said i won’t be
will eventually end up to be the future me
in ways that i never could dream

what if i never get out of this mess
worse, what if this is my best
what if i fail all of life’s tests
& what if the problems never get less