there was something i wanted write
some thing i wanted to make right
but in the end, i lost sight
and moved on

there were many things i wished to do
many a thing that would've borne fruit
but nearer the finish, my light grew dimmish
so i moved on

you told me there was never
an answer to the question "forever"
but death knows different
because we move on

and there is no trying now
no sense in staving off the dying, anyhow
a distance merchant comes to pick up his purchase
of a bid you can't out

last night her sleep was measured on steel,
****** down without a drop wasted.

we were spoons ‘til her limbs stilled -
tears spilled, found their way to my pillow.

I don’t know why I cry - if tears did help
she’d feel better by now.

A wall of doublethink
denies my hands,
wrapped and bound
by wordy chains
I bend to their demands.
Look; the questions on my knuckles,
phrases down my fingers.
These second-thoughts like shining buckles,
locked tight; words left to linger.
In haunted glass I watch your decent,
unable to reach out;
wishing words could extricate,
but gagged am I by cruel doubt.

existing in this land-sphere quite touch-and-go
when you stare for something that you hope to
when something expects to be with you
until you discern that you obtained neither

things are unreachable on your own limitation
useless is your own notion
to gain nothing is the best way out that you ever made
the excitement is just filled with none nothingness but the soreness

Not an easy thing
I am shriveled and weak
So see through my eyes
I am small and meek

Look into my head
A constant chatter
A thousand thoughts
Echo that I don't matter

I'm grasping at straws
And wishing on stars
That I could see any value
Underneath my scars

Do you think I don't beg
At night as I scream
Desperate for relief
Desperate to dream

So far I am worthless
No inherent use
My entire existence
Is unhinged and loose

So throw me away
Lend me some meaning
So that when I am gone
It won't be so unseeming

Let me do what I can
Vicarious meaning or not
So perhaps I'll wake up
Instead of laying to rot

I talk myself out of having feelings for you every night.
I make a long list of how under-qualified I am to be yours.
My weaknesses far outweigh my strengths.  
It’s like someone with just a high school diploma applying to be a doctor.
I am severely unmotivated,
Terrible with finances,
And I do not work well under pressure.
Apply any pressure at all and I break.
You’re different.
You have accomplished so much in your 30something years.
Career.
Family.
Faith.
And you did it all on your own.
Then there’s me,
I don’t have anything to show for my 25years that I’ve existed.
I have books and movies to escape.
I read and watch life happen rather than live it myself.
Journals and papers filled with all my useless emotions and “experiences.”
Tear stained pages to remind me of all my heartbreak.
I have clothes that make me feel like I’m a woman.
Even though I’m a poor excuse for one.
I have makeup of all colors and finishes.
The only talent that I have.
Useless.
Not only do I have nothing to offer you,
I have nothing to offer anyone.  
But although I know all this is true,
I will still anxiously wait for you tomorrow.
I will still daydream about the conversations we will never have.
I will hope during the day,
And break my heart every night.