There is so much that I want to write Express how all of these occurrences affected me Put on paper the way this music has me feeling But each time I begin It all feels wrong I delete all the lines I had down Contemplating if lines of another sort would be good Wishing I had toxins to consume me Just as their lack of presence does Those who are here are not the ones I crave Just like I crave those pills again That terrifying sensation To fill my time just like years past But I know that I want to be here when they return Whether that be two days or two months So I leave that sensation in my past Dreaming of new ones that I want to experience With someone who is supposed to be back here with me soon I impatiently await for them to return On the edge of all my seats Waiting for the night I do not have to go back To this prison they call home But can be in his arms all night as my worries dissipate While poisons fill me As his presence soothes me
I sit here with so many things to write of but this is all I can mange
I thought I had moved on Left my fear in the past But sometimes I can still feel his hands on me His hair against my thighs His breath on my neck Him keeping me pinned to his chest The leather of his backseat Against my bare legs His clumsy fingers Are all I can feel sometimes
How do I say this? I mean I have worked hard To be able to I told myself I would tell The next person to test me
But when it happened last night My attempts were futile I still couldn’t say it Weakly I pushed him away He wouldn’t stop though His tongue was down my throat He gripped my *** I didn’t enjoy it But I couldn’t bring myself To tell him that
Others want us together Maybe I should give it time Let him do as he pleases That’s what they want They tell me he’s great in bed Do I dare?
I can’t let anything happen.
I need to fully consent But I don’t think I could with him
He’s so strong though If I don’t tell him He will take my silence as consent.
How can I say it?
Do I want to?
He isn’t who I want But is who I’m supposed to No one would bat an eye If I said I was with him Unlike with the other For I know they would ask
He likes you? I thought he wasn’t your type? You gave it up, didn’t you?
Maybe I should give it up
But with who?
Do I consent to something I’m supposed to like?
Or to what I want to try?
Do I allow something that is to come?
Or do I wait for what I want That might not come?
Maybe I should become That **** that they keep calling me.
I guess I’ll wait to see If I consent.
I do really want to go for what I want but he currently isn't here. Maybe I should just go for what wants me instead.
These words are long overdue But each time I sit before the screen It seems too impersonal A keyboard is incapable Of showing how my hands shake This paper holds the tears I shed though
All of the late nights I spend praying for sleep I am unable to because I know Miles away you lay on your floor Music pulsing At the same tempo As the blood that flows freely
How am I to sleep When I know you stare at the same night sky I feel you lie awake Making me unable to close my eyes
But when I think of this Tears threaten to overflow I no longer can pick up my phone To see if you are truly awake
Sometimes I hope you think of me often But I don’t want you to feel this pain I have lost my tether to reality that was you And no matter how you feel now I know you lost the one Who knew you the best
How have you been Dear?
I wish I could have called you last night My mind was slipping And the walls were closing in But I couldn’t call you I had to fall asleep on a tear soaked pillow Trembling in fear
Thinking of what you would have said Has stopped helping Now I think of your tired voice Telling me it will all be okay Makes my throat close And my head spin
It’s scary to think of How things change Who do you talk to now? Who has taken my place? Do you love them Like you loved me? Do your fingers hover over my number late at night? Can you feel that I need your strength?
Has it crossed your mind That I’m scared to let someone else in? Once I recover From the constant shock That I can no longer call you My fingers rest calmly above someone else’s number But my heart races If I let them in That means you will never come back I already know you won’t But letting them see All that you have seen Will finalize it I’m not sure I’m ready for that yet
But I know I need A new tether to reality ‘Cause freefalling Isn’t healthy
These words are long overdue but these aren't them. </3
your happiness should NEVER be based solely on one person. your home shouldn't ever be nestled inside of someone's chest or tucked into the creases of their arms. your happiness shouldn't be measured by the amount of times they say i love you or by how many times their fingers intertwine with yours because if you want to get brutally honest here, happiness that's based on a person will forever and always lead to disappointment. because the second that they even as much as threaten to step out of the door, you're back to the way you were or even worse. you're left with a shadow of your former self. you can't make a person your home no matter how sturdy you think the foundation is because their arms will always crumble around you and leave you cold. not because they meant to, but because they weren't built to. they could have had every intention of holdin' you up steady, but no matter how hard they try, their arms will never compare because they weren't made to be your brick walls. you have got to understand that. you can't put that much weight on one person. one human being. one soul. they can love you. they surely can love you. they can love you with all of their heart. and as you to them, but your home should not be composed of veins that do not belong to you, and arms that aren't attached to your own body. your happiness shouldn't be solely based on the way that your body seems to perfectly coincide with theirs. they can surely be a factor, a part of your happiness. but babe, you're in some trouble if they're your whole.
this is really raw and unedited, but i felt like it needed to be said.
when you told me how you broke my mouth and my eyes were sewn 'cos at first I just thought you might be made of stone so when you told me that you were stepping off your throne oh I thought we bound our ropes until your safety cover was blown well I guess you just didn’t want to be alone still I thought you might drop me after your secret was shown but we kept on talking late nights on the phone and **you made me repeat your name until I forgot my own
I have no idea what this is about, but it came to me, so... here. Take it.
but a poem has no rules to keep, no untruth to shake us from our sleep.
no one to tell me i'm crazy when I repeat the same words like a broken broken broken record, or when I string them o ut in nonsensi cal pa tter ns like those girls out on the street, because these words can bend and SCREAM.
no one ever said poetry is s'pos to make sense just s'pos to be free spoken from the unedited souls of you and me