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There is so much that I want to write
Express how all of these occurrences affected me
Put on paper the way this music has me feeling
But each time I begin
It all feels wrong
I delete all the lines I had down
Contemplating if lines of another sort would be good
Wishing I had toxins to consume me
Just as their lack of presence does
Those who are here are not the ones I crave
Just like I crave those pills again
That terrifying sensation
To fill my time just like years past
But I know that I want to be here when they return
Whether that be two days or two months
So I leave that sensation in my past
Dreaming of new ones that I want to experience
With someone who is supposed to be back here with me soon
I impatiently await for them to return
On the edge of all my seats
Waiting for the night I do not have to go back
To this prison they call home
But can be in his arms all night as my worries dissipate
While poisons fill me
As his presence soothes me
I sit here with so many things to write of but this is all I can mange
I slapped her

She deserved it

**** if I care what bridges I burn

All I see in my future now
Loud music

It took two years
But I did it
I ended that **** for once
Not her

I just burned another bridge in the process
**** it
I don’t ******* care

I feel it now
I will actually go after him
**** my fears
If they rear their ugly heads
I’ll slap them like I slapped that *****

My life is mine now
**** everything that has been holding me back
The old me is now dead and buried

No more bullshiit
I will take what I want
When I want it
I dont ******* care anymore

Look over your shoulders
Lock your doors
Here I ******* come

My matches are lit
And my mind is made

**** this
Oh well, here goes nothing.
I thought I had moved on
Left my fear in the past
But sometimes
I can still feel his hands on me
His hair against my thighs
His breath on my neck
Him keeping me pinned to his chest
The leather of his backseat
Against my bare legs
His clumsy fingers
Are all I can feel sometimes
At times sometimes is everyday of the week.
How do I say this?
I mean I have worked hard
To be able to
I told myself I would tell
The next person to test me

But when it happened last night
My attempts were futile
I still couldn’t say it
Weakly I pushed him away
He wouldn’t stop though
His tongue was down my throat
He gripped my ***
I didn’t enjoy it
But I couldn’t bring myself
To tell him that

Others want us together
Maybe I should give it time
Let him do as he pleases
That’s what they want
They tell me he’s great in bed
Do I dare?


I can’t let anything happen.


I need to fully consent
But I don’t think I could with him

He’s so strong though
If I don’t tell him
He will take my silence as consent.


How can I say it?

Do I want to?


I do.

He isn’t who I want
But is who I’m supposed to
No one would bat an eye
If I said I was with him
Unlike with the other
For I know they would ask

He likes you?
I thought he wasn’t your type?
You gave it up, didn’t you?

Maybe I should give it up

But with who?

Do I consent to something
I’m supposed to like?

Or to what I want to try?

Do I allow something that is to come?

Or do I wait for what I want
That might not come?

Maybe I should become
That **** that they keep calling me.

I guess I’ll wait to see
If I consent.
I do really want to go for what I want but he currently isn't here. Maybe I should just go for what wants me instead.
These words are long overdue
But each time I sit before the screen
It seems too impersonal
A keyboard is incapable
Of showing how my hands shake
This paper holds the tears I shed though

All of the late nights I spend praying for sleep
I am unable to because I know
Miles away you lay on your floor
Music pulsing
At the same tempo
As the blood that flows freely

How am I to sleep
When I know you stare at the same night sky
I feel you lie awake
Making me unable to close my eyes

But when I think of this
Tears threaten to overflow
I no longer can pick up my phone
To see if you are truly awake

Sometimes I hope you think of me often
But I don’t want you to feel this pain
I have lost my tether to reality that was you
And no matter how you feel now
I know you lost the one
Who knew you the best

How have you been Dear?

I wish I could have called you last night
My mind was slipping
And the walls were closing in
But I couldn’t call you
I had to fall asleep on a tear soaked pillow
Trembling in fear

Thinking of what you would have said
Has stopped helping
Now I think of your tired voice
Telling me it will all be okay
Makes my throat close
And my head spin

It’s scary to think of
How things change
Who do you talk to now?
Who has taken my place?
Do you love them
Like you loved me?
Do your fingers hover over my number late at night?
Can you feel that I need your strength?

Has it crossed your mind
That I’m scared to let someone else in?
Once I recover
From the constant shock
That I can no longer call you
My fingers rest calmly above someone else’s number
But my heart races
If I let them in
That means you will never come back
I already know you won’t
But letting them see
All that you have seen
Will finalize it
I’m not sure I’m ready for that yet

But I know I need
A new tether to reality
‘Cause freefalling
Isn’t healthy
These words are long overdue but these aren't them. </3
sayona May 2015
your happiness should NEVER be based solely on one person.
your home shouldn't ever be nestled inside of someone's chest
or tucked into the creases of their arms.
your happiness shouldn't be measured by the amount of times they say i love you
or by how many times their fingers intertwine with yours
because if you want to get brutally honest here,
happiness that's based on a person will forever and always lead to disappointment.
because the second that they even as much as threaten to step out of the door,
you're back to the way you were
or even worse.
you're left with a shadow of your former self.
you can't make a person your home no matter how sturdy you think the foundation is because their arms will always crumble around you and leave you cold.
not because they meant to,
but because they weren't built to.
they could have had every intention of holdin' you up steady,
but no matter how hard they try,
their arms will never compare because
they weren't made to be your brick walls.
you have got to understand that.
you can't put that much weight on one person.
one human being.
one soul.
they can love you.
they surely can love you.
they can love you with all of their heart.
and as you to them,
but your home should not be composed of
veins that do not belong to you,
and arms that aren't attached to your own body.
your happiness shouldn't be solely based on the way
that your body seems to perfectly coincide with theirs.
they can surely be a factor,
a part of your happiness.
but babe,
you're in some trouble if they're your whole.
this is really raw and unedited, but i felt like it needed to be said.
Jane Tricky Apr 2015
the first love is the deepest

and if it comes and goes
its retribution

when you feel it
you fcking feel it

its like the first cut
or scrape
and singe

and the second
it feels like the first doesnt matter

its like a bandaid
for the first

when you realize

then you would
if you could
rip off the bandaid
the first (the only)
rebreak the bone
relive the heartbeark

and over
and over and over

if because what was given to you
what you really wanted

which was the first (the last)

but then you realize
the longing in your heart
the void that always exist
like when the shore craves the tide

even though

even though every single time
day in and day out
the tide drowns the shore

and the shore will never get enough
because without the drowning
it's never complete
that's the true cycle

abrasive drowning
coupled with an infinite longing

the shore cries out for the tide
every day
as it becomes dry
and lonely
and weak
and well
the shore knows nothing else
she wants to know nothing else

she calls out for the tide

and if he doesn't return
shes incomplete

and if she stays incomplete for too long..

let us all hope that doesn't happen

if it does


it signals the world is over.
she keeps saying come home

please, just come home.
The written Word of God is complete,
with multiple layers of understanding;
however, only a hungry heart can plumb
the Biblical depths with His assistance.  

There must be an inner desire, replete
with knowledge that’s divinely expanding  
my vision of purpose; don’t let me be dumb.
Breakdown my barriers of human resistance.

Stay within my heart; kick down its door,  
teach me Thy lessons, so I’m not perplexed;
enable my existence to grasp and really see
messages from the eternal, Kingdom above.

Translations instruct me how to explore
deeper within hidden meanings of holy text;
with Your Holy Spirit, softly reveal to me
the whole, unedited Truth of… Your Love.
Author Notes

Inspired by:
1 Cor 2:6-16

Learn more about me and my poetry at:
By Joseph J. Breunig 3rd, © 2015, All rights reserved.
Brittle Bird Jan 2015
when you told me how you broke
my mouth and my eyes were sewn
at first I just thought
you might be made of stone
when you told me that
you were stepping off your throne
I thought we bound our ropes
until your safety cover was blown
I guess you just
didn’t want to be alone
I thought you might drop me
after your secret was shown
we kept on talking
late nights on the phone
**you made me repeat your name
until I forgot my own
I have no idea what this is about, but it came to me, so... here. Take it.
Brittle Bird Dec 2014
its hard for us to speak as we feel.

but a poem has no rules to keep,
no untruth to shake us from our sleep.

no one to tell me i'm crazy when I repeat
the same words like a broken broken broken record,
or when I string them o ut
      nonsensi cal pa
like those girls out on the street,
because these words can bend and SCREAM.

no one ever said poetry is s'pos to make sense
just s'pos to be free
spoken from the unedited souls
of you and me

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