in a moment of intoxication;
a moment of weakness.
i broke a promise to myself.
a promise i've made to you
a hundred times before.
never again becomes
always again.
this is the last time, please                            promise me that.

you know me better than i do
and you know i can't say no,
never to you.
i need an escape,
but how do i get away?
                                                           ­             you won't let me go.
my promises become a reaction,
or better yet-
a threat.
a weak one at that.
it's not about the promises you make;
but how well you keep them.
and i've kept mine,
as well as you've kept                                             away.

"Thought I found a way, a way out, but you never go away...
So, I guess I gotta stay.
Isn't it lovely, all alone, heart made of glass, my mind of stone, tear me to pieces, skin and bone."
"Somethings on my mind, Need to get out my headspace..."

Tear me to pieces, rip me apart, kiss me slow, hold me down, and touch me low.
Feel the flow. Gradually pulling you towards me.
Holding you close. Take me out of my head space.
I don't know what feels true.
Let me crawl inside your veins.
Hide you away, lock you up in my treasure chest.
Keep you, you're mine.
Take my wall down, let's do the unthinkable, I think I'm ready...
I learnt to lose, can't afford to anymore.

I don’t blame you.
Honestly, I don’t.

I don’t blame you for judging me,
labeling me,
for me.

I’m a twin.
Apparently, I should know exactly where the other half is.:
I should know exactly what she’s thinking.
Exactly what’s going through her mind,
and apparently, I don’t have that power.

I’m a twin.
I don’t get everything I want.
I have to have approval
by the other half
before I get anything.
I don’t know about you,
but that’s why I don’t have good things.

“I don’t want to make her feel bad!”
You think you’re being nice.
You think your saying
“I’m trying to help the both of you!”
To me you’re saying
“You don’t get this because you’re different than everyone else!”
Didn’t we get past that?
Didn’t we get past people supposedly being less fortunate
because they were born different?

I have blonde hair.
I hate blonde jokes.
A blonde crashed a helicopter.
A police officer asked what happened.
She says, “it got cold so I turned the fan off”!”
Haha. I get it.
It’s funny because blondes are dumb.
Blondes are stupid.
Blondes are special.
Ok. I guess I shouldn’t be here right now.
Giving this poem.
Bye then!

Oh, wait!
But that’s not all!
I have blue eyes too!
I must be Barbie!
Blonde hair? Blue eyes?
I’m a Barbie girl in a normal world.
Life in plastic…
fantastic is not the word.

Constantly getting judged
because I am a twin.
Because I am a blonde.
Because I am a Barbie.
I’m a dumb, know-it-all, Barbie.

Does that make any sense to you?
Cause even though I am a blonde,
and it might be different since my own mind is different
than a brunette,
it doesn’t to me.

She looks at me
wide-eyed and confused,
This can’t be me
She looks worn and used.

The tiny red dots
form a pattern on her face,
She looks back at me and
whispers, “You’re a disgrace.”

You’ll always be alone
You’ll never be free,
Free from this psychic garbage
That no one else can see.

Free from the chains you’ve built,
from the leash they cannot see,
Free from this sadness
and free from me.

And as I look at her, she starts to laugh
and put thoughts into my head.
“You know you don’t deserve to breathe.”
“You know you should be dead.”

You see, these thoughts do not come from me.
It’s not what I want to think.
But they’re from the girl inside of me,
And she’s all that I can see