you weren’t there
so I went on asking
cards questions
each word a plea
for something else
and in return
each image printed
in monochrome blue
offered an answer
you would have hated,
but each one
sour against my tongue
sounded more honest
than your praise.

Art is my escape
The place I dare to dream,
Depositing frustrations
That make me want to scream;
Tying up the loose ends
Of mental threads about to snap
Seeking peaceful solitude
From a world that's full of crap.
Sometimes, pen and paper
Are the only things I trust,
When all around me shatters,
And turns to empty dust.
Here among the soft lights
Of lamp, and desk, and ink
I give into emotion
So I do not have to think.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I wasn’t a mess.
What would happen if I got to see you in a dress.
What would happen if I let myself cry on your chest.
What would happen if I took 2 seconds to breathe and to rest.

I didn’t give myself a chance because couldn’t.
And I know you can’t forgive me and you shouldn’t.

I know I through the sink at you
And I’m just glad that you withstood it.

Of all the people in the world I could hate,
I just hope to God you’re doing great.
I still remember that $30 bucks you snuck into that hat somehow.
I guess I just wanna day thanks.

Most days,  I wish I would stop breathing.
the same thoughts always repeating.

I stole years from your life
You’ll never get back,
I truly hope you gaining someone from them.

I don’t know if you still think of me.
I don’t know if you’re glad I moved on
Or If you hope I get struck by lightning twice at once.
Or Maybe somewhere in between?

Sometimes regret and anger bugs me,
Until I see my daughter smile in her pink onesie.
I hope one day we can be in the same place and nod.
And acknowledge that the last happened.
we both did messed up things we can’t take back.

I’ll never hate you for it
I’m mostly grateful for it.
I hope you can feel the same back.

Most importantly I’m sorry
For never trying talking
For giving into pills
And turning my back and walking.

I’m doing my best but it’s never enough
I understand that so I just don’t expect much.

I just wanted write something that isn’t depressing.
Not to cry and moan just because I’m stressing.
Not even to apologize and say I’ve learned my lesson.

Just as a loving way to say hi
And give a final goodbye.

****, when did we get like this
Seems like everyday we add few more names to the list
The innocent don't stay alive
The children are desensitized
And to be honest I'm scared I'm the next one that they'll hit
I need a bit of love
Need a little trust
Need some love
Lotta love right now
There's been pain from the start
Lotta pain in my heart
Need to change but I don't know how

You being my friend is not a coincidence
Just,
Your the right time , at the right moment
You are the sunshine, keeps my heart shining
Don't ever disappear away from me
When I am with you, I never
thought about hard side of my life