I miss you - your methodical intelligence, your clear and definite character, your scratchy-blue-beard, your voice - a high fidelity love song.

I’m less obsessive about you in the rush of college with its narrowed perspectives and endless, immediate goals. It’s harder on vacation. There’s too much free time.

I’m tortured by my own needs.

“I can live without him,” I say, out of the blue, to no one - we’re lounging by a spa pool - “I’m going to reel myself in,” I add, listlessly “or I could just invite him - he’d show up for his own reasons..”

“You’re talking to yourself.” Lisa says.

“I’m seeking expert advice.” I answer back, shaking my head as if to throw off doubts.

Love, do as you wish
with my aching body,
but do not leave any bruises

Destroy what is left
of my heart, if you must,
but do not leave me again

I think a lonely night is made by you
Leave my high and dry
No consequence finds you
A whirlwind of questions
Why put my love in one place?
Where’s my green light to go?
Can’t you hold on to what’s enough?
Leave tonight or leave forever
Pick a fight or work together
My lover is not kind
And I refuse to be clever

-J.R

he went down screaming
as most men do
relieved of his freedom
set free of his will
he wanted her badly
lustfully, madly
she would take him
and break him
on love's wheel