I'm just really anxious right now, I guess.

It was 2:47pm;
text: "If they could just look between the cracks,
they'd see I'm really ******* trying."

Trying to sleep,
couldn't.
Wanted to be
strong for everyone.

Then it was 2:58pm;
"I'm just so tired of trying to
prove myself to everyone."
Walking to my old job,

but it was 10:46am;
"I just found out I'm one of 3
being interviewed for the position."
Inner panic and smothering
all the voices in your head
with

"received 11:44am;
Fingers crossed"

I built a nest out of telephone wires
Waiting for a text message
That never came
          like the lover in the 1930's
          and the boy at war

   *He's never coming Home

Please
Don't humor me with empty promises of
   I'm in town
                  I'd love to meet up
           You are amazing
                          I love you
When everyone knows
You pity me more
Than you could ever
Love
        me

go continue doing wat u was doin
obviously we werent texting
u werent ready to text me.
so dont force urself to txt me
until i pop into ur mind nd u want to have a conversation.

yes I do have insurance.
actually, it lapsed last Tuesday

Watching my phone,
Side by side with my homework.
Waiting,
for a response...

to: aleph

hey
there's so much things going on in these last two weeks. at least in my head. you left. i closed the door loudly. i locked it and i hoped that you could hear the sound of the locks clicking. ( but i didn't want you to hear how my hands was shaking when i was looking for the right key).

all i want to say is i'm sorry. i'm sorry i don't tell you enough, i'm sorry that i told you too much things that doesn't matter. i'm sorry i treat you like another ego-booster. i'm sorry i acted like i didn't care. i, in fact, really care about you and it hurts me to see you think that i don't.

please never forget the way i looked you in the eyes when we listen to that verse together.

i wish i was braver, i'd break this silence that's been killing me. but then again, if i was braver, i would have told you i love you a thousand times.

i'd say "i'd do it all again", sweetly like in one of our favorite songs, but no, i'm not brave enough, and we destroyed each other too much.

--status: draft. 26.3.2015 22:47

I could tell you that it's 4 am and I’ve been reading through our old texts and that I still miss you.

But the truth is,
It's only 8 pm, and I'm really tired
and I've erased your texts long ago.
The only thing I have to remember you is my memory
And we both know is not good at all