right now would be a great time to write poetry
it’s past midnight, everyone is asleep
there is a pale blue light coming from the hallway bathroom
my thoughts are lingering in distant, buried places
recalling nightmares as dreams
drawing halos over the heads of humans
but i don’t want to
i am tired
and bored
and afraid my words will smell like stale clichés
maybe i can just dip my toes in reflective black holes
feel the coolness, the deadness
the other world i’m too afraid to fall into
like quicksand or riptides or working nine to five
maybe i can lean in, just enough, to get a glimpse
of what i do not want

i promise i don’t think of you.

your body
mirrors mine
your soul
is that of
a girl i’ve known
since i was 10 years old
you are
where the grass
is green
you are who
i drown in
you are where i feel
like me
we are far from holy

hold me
tighter
scratching love letters
down my back
and whispering
down my neck
hallelujah

who needs amen?
breathe in
all the love
& lose the fear
& remember
that bullets pass
right through you.
& your heart beats
for women
like me
& your
gunshot holes
resemble everyone you’ve lost
since you were 10 years old

let me
fill those holes
with the marrow in
my bones
hold me
close
dig nails
into my palms
Dear God
don’t let me go

Reach out your hand, take me into your palms
for one second or a minute of the leaking time,
listen to the rhythm of my heart from reckless Brahms
losing me in the labyrinth that touches me with its eye.

Open my heart's buttons to see its full nakedness,
loving me as if tomorrow morning you would lose the bets,
give him a spark, for his passion to reanimate, making us
forget about you, about me, about all our regrets.

Take me into that chamber bathing in the nuances of fire,
take the body that now is incapable of self-control,
let the music in the background comfort my hearing and inspire,
waiting until the ice melts in my heart and my soul.

Love me with a body that no longer thinks of anything new
bearing the mark of an acute and fine sensuality of a dove,
enveloped by the appetizing flavour that worries you
in this ritual of the pantomime from the game of love.

Dare me with your fingers that traces on my shoulders
lines that for a few moments are burning me, consuming me
with the intensity of the eye that fixes me, it marks me,
making me lose the last morsel of my mind, foolishly.

I would not resist your spontaneous urge to touch my bust
with your penetrating glance or emotions, awakening, letting me be,
with a burning temptation that's not extinguishing that crazy lust,
nor under the breath of night that would sneak in unconsciously.

i am
so tired
of these men
stripping me down
and
leaving me bare
interrogating me
with no words
left to spare
it's never new to me
i try not to care
but
somehow
i find
i'm always left shook
like a winter night's
tree limbs
the wolves come in
sheep's skin
i let them in
they rob me
blind, tender
of heart
of soul
of peace
even
my mind
i surrender.
i feel empty -
i am.
from all that’s
been took...
i am so
****
tired
of these men
who love me
then leave me
exposed in my sin.

Voices echoing in my head I don’t listen
I distract myself from letting them get to me
I have fought so hard to get to a place of peace
No more cutting; no more bleeding; no more tears
But the voices miss the rush of the crimson colored drops rolling down my arm
They remind me how the world would stop as I breathed in the sensation of the pain
How I would feel alive like I was reborn
It took me away from the pain and for a minute I felt safe
There are days where I am so close to craving the smell of blood the adrenaline rush my body feels
But I know better half the battle is fighting these temptations
So another day I ignore the screams of my voices and maybe one day it will stop