Love was the Afterthought;
To my emotion &,
My madness.

///

Hate is why I cannot feel;
Yet the world just sees,
My empty glasses.


P. S.

May your freedom bring you both happiness
& joy.

Until the day we meet in Hell where I can play
You like a toy.

Like resistless air torn by a bullet
Life unmasked itself in a baby
innocent, playful, illiterate...
for half a second or so,
and ran!
Past Mother who, amazed by your giggles,
called you mon âme!
Past father; arriving home
to say goodnight,
and a quick wave before bed.
Past school days and holidays,
taught to eat books and ***** information
lost through thorough knowledge!
Aye! Aye! Black cats and red eyed bats.
Past the lustbird who made love
to your left ear and slammed the other
shut!
Life passed your very black hair and set it white.
Seems like the bullet hit sharp in your chest.
And now a baby cries bald..

I knock on the door
You dont let me in
Praying you will accept me
You chose to Reject Me
(Is that love?)
Change after change
I am still not enough  
You treat me like a useless puppet
You throw me away
(is that love?)
Daddy daddy
Stranger stranger
For God has given me to you
For thou has “cursed” you  
I ask for love
You give me Pain
I ask for your presence
You hand me resentment on a silver platter
Daddy Daddy
Is that love?

some mornings, as I watch the sky turn back to blue,
I think about how much prettier it would be with you.
how all the love in my heart would paint the sky bluer than blue.
how your eyes would match the sky and their sparkle the sun.
your smile would be the same shade as the clouds.
I am shaken with the realization that everything in nature leads me back to you.
because the moment I think to forget you, my heart swoops me back to the smell of morning dew,
and the memory of the cool wind hits my face and it makes me imagine that's what it must be like to kiss you.

this world poetry day
is meaningless,
Maya, Charles, Sylvia, Allen
never even thought of it
it breeds more seed of
ego and monstrosity
deep inside those men
to lift their hands and
push us down the drain
to ensure that
we are stuck in between
honesty and reality,
forever.

it feels like it was yesterday
but a yesterday a long time ago
away, sealed up in a dream
i can only faintly remember parts of it
while the rest is a blur

i can’t escape this strange dream
floating by
not truly feeling anything,
just existing

my heart hurts
a hurt that aches endlessly, eating away

it’s the bell jar
the same sour air i breathe

always had an inkling
an inkling to end the thoughts
end the aching

The fig tree metaphor
Seems to gain much more meaning
The older I get.
I put a cigarette behind my ear today
And when I removed it to smoke
I realized that it was wet with the oil
From my scalp; I smoked it anyway.

Does smoking my ****** fluids
Make me seem a little more
Bukowski than normal?
Bob Dylan, the unwashed phenomenon
Of his day
Held no candle  (in my opinion)
To Phil Ochs
But here we are,
Marching on
Because the Times Are Changing.

Remember me
When the draft comes
And they forget your sunken eyes and sallow skin.
Remember me and how I said
That purple and yellow
Were my favorite colors.