I don’t know why I’m crying.
No really. I have no idea.
I’m sitting here, and I just start bawling.
There’s so many gifts and things for the baby in my belly. But, nothing for me.
I’m making a whole child and I get nothing.
I can’t sleep at night, I’m uncomfortable.
A body pillow would help, but I’m too focused on saving to buy one myself.
I feel fat and ugly, but my boyfriend says I’m just pregnant.
But like, it must be true? He didn’t deny it.
Just told me I was pregnant.
Not, you are beautiful and perfect. Just pregnant.
I’m so tired all the time. And my boyfriend hates that I sleep. But I can’t help it. I’m so exhausted.
I just want to be held. And he doesn’t even want to touch me.
Am I really so bad?
Is this all in my head?
Am I crazy?
No, I’m just pregnant.
That’s what everyone tells me.

I don't recognize the people I see,
Everyone looks like a stranger to me,
I can't hear what they say, I can't read their lips
What do I do?

Normally I'd hide behind a mask, but at least you saw all of my face
I want to see your smiling faces,
To see the lil dimples in your cheeks, all your crooked an jagged teeth
But all I see is a mask,
Used to a mask was invisible, but now it is made of fabric

I don't like this, I feel like I can't breathe
Masks ****, used to a mask signified sickness
It told others to stay away,
But now it says yeah come talk to me,
Why do we have to wear a mask?
What does it protect you from?

Oh thats right it's suppose to protect you from this virus,
But what if you have asthma? What are we to do?
We can't stay home all day, everyday
But we also can't breathe with the masks on,
Wearing with the masks don't do good, they mainly do bad

I used to know the people I saw in the halls, on the street
But now everyone looks like a stranger to me.

the coffee's too bitter
and i'm losing my tether
to the world of dreams
grounding me to reality.
i think i want to sleep but
the coffee's too bitter,
and my mind takes a thought
and runs with it.

i'm feeling it, feeling hopeless
bloom in my chest again.
i think that i don't care for once.
****, sadness won't
let me rest again.
i'll just fail for once.
let me fail for once.

i'm tired but the coffee tastes bitter
on my tongue.
i should be studying but
i'm getting so hung
over my spinning mind.
it feels nice to unwind
when you're so high strung.

i'm falling into this black hole,
and i fear that i don't really mind.
so where's the point,
where's the light dawning down on me?
where's my epiphany?

bitter coffee makes me bitter,
makes me sadder,
makes me think harder
about where i'm supposed to be.

now it's 1 am and i can't sleep.
the ice has melted in the cup.
i'm self-admittedly in love with
the idea of not giving a ****.

Why did you make me laugh
Why did you take care of me
Why did you make me feel
When it was never me...

Why did you give me hope
Why did you make me love myself
Why did you show me light
when it was never for me....

Why couldn't it have been me....

Day switches into night,
Night switches into day.
The ray of sunshine loses its light
From a small squared display.

Through that square, a street appears,
On its cars, gathers dust.
Emptiness fill it, no people, no peers,
The road seems long and unjust.

Locked, in a box of flesh.
Locked, in a box of demands.
Alone time can be fresh,
But nothing compares the outer lands.

Suddenly the sirens turn off,
And the silence, becomes tough.

Is there peace in love lost when love is found again

It's not the same as the other was but just as real

The feelings are there but not like before

Did my heartbreak somehow break how I love

Did my heartbreak give me this cancer and lead me to my grave so soon

How can I love the one I do but still think of her so often

"I want to go home"
I think
As I sit in a school cafeteria
Clouds above and below my head
Sinking down into my own personal hellscape
My mire
My endless pit of open ended thoughts
"Am I good enough?"
I think that I surely am not
I've never been good enough for just about anyone

I hope you enjoy
Life without me
Because I am done writing
All these love notes
I am done with all these ****** poems
I am done with your no answers
And your "misunderstandings"
And your cute quirks
Like never apologizing
And overdramatizing
And victim blaming
Self deprecating
Body shaming
Overt manipulation
I am done with looking at you
Across the room
Hoping you'll look back
I know you won't and
I don't want you to
I hope you like
Your own medicine
Because I've cut you out of my life
Now you don't mean anything