everything's my fault for being too cruel.
i push him away as far i could yet he's still trying to reach me but i hurt him like everyday i throw the knives in her heart. i told him how much i can't fall for him with a really hurtful way. my friend told me that he loved me so much that he cried because of me.
i've tried to love him, to feel the way he feel for me. i look at him so often, that our eyes met. i  didn't like him at first, maybe until now but it hurts knowing that he's no longer waiting for me. i know i'm too cruel but nobody ever help me to fix myself.  
i'm being so happy all this time knowing that there's someone who truly loves me and i will just make him stay like that because i believe that he will wait for me, no matter how long is it. i'm being so happy that i finally got a loyal ones, the one who would wait for me. i'm so happy that my story would have a happy ending.
but  i'm  wrong.
love can't be like that and that's not love if it's only one person that feel it. love won't wait forever if you don't make a move and hold it close to your heart. nobody will wait forever if you show no interest to them.
but everything's still so blur to me, like every single thing. i may say everyday that i fall for the main character in dramas but God, i swear not that kind of fall. i never really fall into someone else, i never really fall for people. i only fall with how they talk, or his mind. because before i fall to people, i hold myself, telling myself that i shouldn't fall in love because i'm scared that i might be like my mom. i'm scared that i might live the rest of my life loving someone who once loved me but then when he's got bored of me, he choose to left. i'm scared that everything might turn out like that. i'm too scared to be like that, too scared to try. so here i am, only have regret in every love story that i've been through.

Love is sheer stupidity it does not involve brain
With love train everything goes down the drain
So called vanity makes a lover sane to be insane
In its domain it travels on very difficult terrain

Love of youth is serious, love of old age takes life
In love one is in poverty love is nothing but strife
Love has all shades but what about love with wife
Love is that foe of yours which keeps one on knife

Being stupid I tasted love but it proved to be poison
It makes the action futile it takes all land just barren
Helplessness is its fruit it seems to be a show brazen
For some it is a fashion for others it remains famine

Col Muhammad Khalid Khan
Copyright 2016 Golden Glow

"There are only two kinds of people in our town. The stupid and the stuck."*
― Kami Garcia, Beautiful Creatures

every time i wake up, i stare at the floor boards
waiting in silence until my thoughts **** me slowly
i take the stake, shove it through my brain
stop and think how much the devil has shown me
late at night, terror fright, taking flight, fighting might
shifting eye, little lie, guess i'll make this my plight!

demonic devil, do you use the deadly treadle
tapping toes too, to blue jam with your dreaded treble!
scratching claws now on chalk board black tops with your kettle!
shifting serpent spitting death you are black rose pedals!
kiss me quickly with bliss, i know the taste will settle!
watch my eyes close under sunlight, too late to level-

so, i let your poison seep deep into my concrete, abstract, and spirituality
hoping that the hoax has only one hold on my hellish individuality,
and that one omen of open obliteration making available my obliquity
stops before the second-strike sinks in my skin and makes me sing my dead man soliloquy-
how hopeful!
how hopeful to think that one mess is enough to get me by from the rest,
that enough is enough for me when i mess up,
and i will always be going good, going right, not running left.
sadly
i get mistaken by my madness for a smile and a pasture behind the veil that’s masked it!
while the laughter in my catacomb cerebellum crystallizes my coffin with convoluted clasps and cocoons me in my casket!
swallow the final wishes to walk away without wondering what would have went down without wanting to ask this
last question to push you powerfully over the edge without paying attention to the proper time, not seeing it’s all plastic!
because we’ve passed the only moment to turn our backs without the consequences of living in our bloodied baskets!
we kissed the serpent’s lips and ****** the spit off his silky-smooth tongue, mixing salt with fresh, leaving everything brackish!
cut off the arms and tongue before the venom attaches,
but still i swallow it whole and expect to outlast it-

Oh honey, you'll be fine
divine and holding out hope
an angel with no god, no home.
Oh babe your ignorance
looks so good on you
stay steeped in wholesome lies
safe from dreadful truth.
Oh sweetheart, your dumb
******* head is so perfect,
so rottenly pure, its mawkish
scent brings me to my knees.

These paint strokes
Birth poetry--
Art competing for art,
When all you want
Is to be a great artist,
But you are pulled
From morning
To night
With every cycle of the moon.
You've no friends left,
And all you have left to wear
Is a pair
Of canvas shoes
And a pair
Of paper wings.
A sound like
A baby crying
Calls you out into the streets.
You pull on your paper wings,
And step out into the rain.

I see my reflection in the mirror
Sad eyes that doesn't look like mine
Tear stained cheeks
Pain seeping through my skin
A fake smile on my face
The girl looking back at me
Isn't who I used to be
You can almost see her heart breaking
If you look closely you can see her soul shaking
You can almost hear her screaming inside

if you find yourself
attracted to the simple
swirls of black ink against
white lined school paper in
a locker you know belongs to
her, you know that you have severe

problems.