How do you do,
Mr. Shadow on the wall,
No rudeness intended,
But I did not miss you,
In your absence.

Remember when I was young,
Remember when I was weak?
You stole my sense of purpose,
I let you in,
And you had your way with me.

One step forward,
Ten steps back.
Each step backward,
I felt your breath on my neck.
This time is different.

I reflect on yesterday,
Today is the day to ponder,
Today I see one small change,
I’m strong,
No longer small.

Same problems, New mind,
Loneliness still haunts my soul.
Your presence gives me agita,
Cramping my style,
In this newfound perspective.

Back to square one,
Back to my square roots,
These exponential problems,
Are not yours to guide me through.
Get away, Stay away.

I'm not going to find my fantasy, because it's not real.

What's real is believing that I'm loved by my friends.

What's real is my determination.

What's real is my connectivity.

What's real is my compassion.

What's real is my love for life.

What's real is my good heart.

What's real is my endurance.

What's real is my creativity.

What's real is my empathy.

What's real is my strength.

What's real is my free will.

What's real is my courage.

What's real is my passion.

What's real is my reason.

What's real is my beauty.

What's real is my talent.

What's real is my effort.

What's real is my truth.

What's real is my joy.

What's real is me.

many will know the beauty
of a butterfly's wing
and the delicate intricacy
of their decoration
those swathes of colour
meandering boldly in flight
a proclamation of
             their presence
             their providence
whose startling eyespots
can mimic the stolid gaze
of the stern and the alluring
observing in judgement
or perhaps in wonder
blinking only as they flutter
flattered disbelieving
yet there are reminders
in that Rorschach patterning
that those with ill intent
should observe
threats and
             warnings overlooked
by those in admiration
of such beauty
where few will heed
that gossamer fragility
broken by any
not considerate enough
in their handling

took 3 years for our orbit to weave
such serendipity then you quickly leave
took too long me for to finally see
such negligence, green to brown leaves

took every ounce of me to not bottle it away
such strength it took to continue the day
took too long for me to finally be ok
dangerous, nefarious, warped awareness
welcome back to the grey

There is a hole in the deep
through which darkness does seep
far beyond what used to be sane
it now goes with no name

now hidden, long inside a bunker
behind barricades, alone he now hunker
his shields worn to the touch
laid out for everyone to judge

Worn, battered and bruised
the future's once again snoozed
yet still there is hope that remain
for this feeling, he mastered to contain

the heroes of
those action movies
from the 80s and 90s
always looked
so much cooler
with their split lips
and bloodied noses
than i ever could
as they faced off
against the villain
   of the piece
bruised and aching
they would struggle on
regardless of pain
their success set back
but inevitable nonetheless

to be honest
i would love to see
one of those heroes
try to overcome
the villain
   of my peace
i've had plenty
of nose bleeds
through the years
but most of them
self-inflected

To choose between destruction and life when you are cheated

he asked a question
and without waiting
for a response
drew three cards
from that divinatory deck
usually carrying as little
meaning as a tossed coin
scoffed at and swiftly ignored
this time seemed to tell
a recognisable tale
unexpected in its providence
a fortune perhaps
to favour the brave

the hanging man
with his eight swords
and his eight wands
these cards showed him
the start of a journey
not necessarily a life
turned upside-down
instead that a change
of perspective is needed
the octet of swords
unveiled his cage
of indecision
uncertainty and fear
a need to upset
the balance of the inert
a reasoning for destruction
in order to create
and those upright wands
carrying with them
such signs of movement
a willingness to decide
a commitment to progress

either that or
the pack was simply
reshuffled and dealt
again and again
until it foretold
that which needed
to be heard