A little girl was born in a square mile a babylondoner, February child, who had many sheep disguises , born in the hour of the sheep, in a house on the street where the Shepherdess Walked, travelling on the underground, one would have to stop, at Angel.  Her Father called her after him, by all accounts she was the prettiest child, his fourth, her father was very vain, on this subject, it was hard for him to be humble.

Her name also had sheep, her name meant sheep, her middle name a Ram on a King. Her Father worried about the violence, the football hooligans , the fights between mods and rockers, he decided to move back to the homecountry, the country of her Mother and Fathers birth, the Emerald Isle.  This coincided with an eviction notice, their house was about to get knocked down.
  
She moved to the plain of the Yew in the Emerald isle when she was four years old, they built a house in the town of the Castle by the river Barr, on a height that was named Harmony, that place did not often live up to it's name.  Her father came from another town that was much prettier, not far away, houses and land were as rare as hen's teeth, in that town, it was not cheap either.  Her Mother had an idea she wanted distance from her Mother in law, Rachel Ramona and her mother clashed a lot on ideas, but they did love each other, and Rachel understood her Mother, better than her Mother gave her credit for.  

To RRK, her Mother was never there for her, her Mother had an issue with her, that is a puzzle to this day, it will probally always remain a puzzle, her Mother never talks about stuff like emotions, feelings, or the inner landscape.

RRK found refuge in the world of men from the youngest age, she felt like she belonged in that camp, this idea got her into a lot of trouble, then, now and probally in her immediate future.

Unluckily, not every frog you kiss turns into a Prince Charming.

A,B,C
Time to give this girl the D
I don't like no Es
Boys better not forget
That I'm a G
Bars

A ****** up girl
In a ****** up time
With ****** up lyrics
And that ****** up rhyme
A ****** up fairytale
With a ****** up start
A ****** up prince
Holding a ****** up heart
A ****** up story
With a ****** up ending
A ****** up princess
Named ****** up Cindy.

Alone,
But as children, we don’t really understand or notice.
I still don’t understand it.
Why does it happen?
It’s not like I was bullied or that they didn’t like me specifically
More that I was invisible.
I didn’t know where I stood; sand shifted beneath my bare feet.
I was stuck inside the image of a little girl
The tall one with shy eyes.
As years passed, the little girl changed and grew
But no one seemed to notice that she was different from before.
I was so lonely then.
Classmates went on with their lives, had their fun together, left her behind.
She was the quiet, studious one in their minds,
But really, all she wanted was to know she wasn’t alone.
I spent time with these people every day for nine years, and yet…
And yet I still managed to get left behind in the depth of my thoughts, while they developed lifelong connections.
I don’t know what makes such things happen…
Is it lack of confidence? Lack of courage? Lack of initiative?
I ask myself now.
At the time, I simply wondered
What was wrong with me.

More years passed
Here and there, I found a friend.
But I was still alone because I couldn’t share my thoughts and feelings with them; they couldn’t relate to me
So I couldn’t be as I longed to be, even though at the time, I wasn’t sure what that was like.
For so long, I thought I knew who I was.
But I didn’t.
Not really.
My identity flopped around like a fish out of water
As I tried to find my place in the world
As I tried to find myself.

I tried to lose myself in books.
Maybe I thought that the stories would help me to know that I wasn’t really alone;
That I wasn’t insane.
Wanting to fit in isn’t the same as wanting to know you aren’t alone.
But I didn’t know how to separate the two.
The girl tried many things.
But nothing seemed to work.
She was unable to change her inner opinions and morals to match theirs.
She just wasn’t like them.
She didn’t like the same music as they did, she didn’t like shopping, she didn’t watch TV
She knew she couldn’t and wouldn’t ever be like them.
She loved to travel, she loved nature, she loved to read…
But I do not think she was sure if
She loved herself.

So I was different.
Being different isn’t bad
Unique.
It is a good thing.
But at that time in my life when I was wandering through a desert of unsureness and self-doubt,
It was a hard thing to realize.
So I was a lone wolf, wise beyond her years, trying to find acceptance and understanding in her pack.
I never found it there.

Unconsciously, I wasn’t myself for many years.
Not really.
Rare were the times I spoke out
Rare were the times I chose to make decisions; decisions that might have been judged or disliked by the pack.
And rare were the times
I felt that I was truly a part of something.
Instead, I felt apart from something…
Although there are happy memories
The loneliness was definite…
but thankfully, it was finite.
Still I scrambled to get my footing upon the shifting sands of my life.
I couldn’t figure out where I could possibly belong.
The chafing of my self-doubt made everything worse.

Despite the reassurance from the deep hearts of older, more experienced veterans of that thing we call loneliness,
I was very lost and confused.
Perhaps I could have taken my situation and molded it like wet sand into something else, Something better.
But I was scared
I wasn’t brave enough
And I couldn’t change myself for anything or anyone.

It isn’t just fairy tales that are allowed to have
Happy endings.
For, as I said, my loneliness was finite.
Three years ago, the sands shifted.
And I could finally stand up
Without losing
My footing
Without losing confidence in myself.
I don’t know
How it happened.
I was sick of always being a follower.
I wanted to make my own foot prints in fresh snow.
So I stepped off the conveyer belt of the vast majority
And allowed the river to carry me to where I was supposed to be.
Finally.
I am happy
I am me
And I am free!

One once told me;
to give up on people I can't get
That was one saying I will never forget
And that was it
I said I would never give up it
And yep,
I can't find another face, to replace
Your the best I ever had,
For we will never go bad
I am forever not sad,
but forever glad
For I see my heart, and soul rapped around yours
As we look up to the years and more
We see No gun, nor weapon;
that can **** our passion that we adore
I dreamed of I girl,
I would have all through this war
My love for you is stronger than ever more
Even any human being I can dream of;
can not compare
for you and I would would both stare at the purple sunshine in the air
- purple rain

You will never feel the way I feel
You will never be put down
You will never have tears in your eyes
You will never feel my pain

My drenching pain
The pain you put me through
You have the strength to put me down
To lay your hands on me
To caress me for a little while
And then it stops
You go back to your evil ways
And it's to late for me to even notice
For me to get away
Because I'm under your spell

It hurts because you get to hurt me
Because you don't care
But me hurting you?
Never
I can't do that
I'm not evil
I'm not cruel like you
I care for you
I love you
And I will not do such thing to hurt you
You're my angel from hell
And yet so handsome and bright

Never will I let you feel my pain

Now I lay me down to sleep
Remembering the day
While up the stairs he'll slowly creep
And soon I'll be his prey

First I shall hear a sound
and venture out to find the source
Once the terrible hunter is found
I'll run, then scream, then trip (of course)

From this forest I was forbidden
Staying safe from nature, sweet yet cruel
But no matter how hard I try to stay hidden
The hunter shall always rule

As I looked into his cold, dead eyes
I silently prepared for my demise

Songs That Are The Story Of My Life



Emotional Movies

"I'm alive!  
Even though a part of me has died!  
Take this heart and bring it back to life.  
I fall into your arms open wide,
the *Hurt and the Healer collide."
~Mercyme


Cooking

"Don't look at me
if you're looking for perfection
Don't look at me,
I will only let you down.
I'll do my best
to point you in the right directon,
But don't look at me
No, no, no,
Don't look at me,
Look at him."
~Stacie Orrico


School

"I've been housing all this doubt
And insecurity,
And I've been locked inside that house
All the while you hold the key,
And I've been *dying to get out,
And that might be the death of me,
And even though
There's no way of knowing
Where to go
I promise I'm going because
Oh, I gotta get out of here
I'm stuck inside this rutt that I fell into by mistake
Oh, gotta get out of here
And I'm begging you,
Begging you,
Begging you to be my escape."
~Relient K


Driving

"Heeeelpp!
Heeeeelpp!
I need you!
Oh oh I need you!
Please heeeeelp,
Give me your help!
I need you!
Oh oh I neeeeed you!
I need your heeeeeeelpp!"
~Abandon


Cleaning My Room

"I'm letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams,
Losing control
Of my destiny
Feels like I'm falling and that's what it's like to believe,
So I'm letting go!"
~Francesca Battistelli


Computers

"Won't you tell me it's not over?
Can we work it out?
Can we talk about
Getting through the hard
Getting through these trying times
I need an answer, tonight:
Tell me everything is alright
Tell me everything's just fine
Tell me the words that I need in my life,
Tell me everything is alright
Tell me everything's just fine
Tell me the words that I need to survive."
~Capital Kings


Food

"Well, You could take a cup and fill it up
And just keep on filling till
It all comes spilling down the sides
That's what You do in my life
...Never mind moderation,
You exceed my expectations:
I have never loved You more
'Cause You have never loved me less
Than the day before, or the day before
I have never loved You more."
~Nichole Nordeman


Air Conditioning

"Haaalleluuujaaaaaah!
Haaalleluuujaaaaaaah!
Ha­aalleluuujaaaaaaaaah!
Your love makes me sing!"
~Brenton Brown


All-Nighters

"Cause if you never leave home, never let go
You’ll never make it to the great unknown till you
Keep your eeeeyyeees
Open, my love
So tell me you’re strong, tell me you see
I need to hear it, can you promise me to
Keep your eeeyyeees,
Keep your eyes open."
~NEEDTOBREATHE

Spicy Food

"Where were you when our hearts were bleeding
Where were you? It all crashed down
Never thought that you'd deceive me
Where are you now?
How long can you stand the pain?
How long will you hide your face?
How long will you be afraid?
Are you afraid?
How long will you play this game?
Will you fight or will you walk away?
How long will you let it burn?
Let it burn?
Let it burn."
~RED


Popcorn

"Where is the hope?
Where is the peace
That will make this life complete?
For every man, woman, boy, and girl
Looking for heaven in the real world."
~Steven Curtis Chapman


Too Many People In Here

"Get off my back
And into my game
Get out of my way
And out of my brain
Get outta my face
Or give it you best shot
I think it's time you better face the fact,
Get off my back."
~Bryan Adams


Younger Kids' (My Little Brother's) Criticism

"Get on, get on
Get away from me
If you're trying to bring me down,
Trying to bring me down
I say, get on, get on
Get away from me
If you're trying to bring me down,
Trying to bring me down!"
~Third Day


Music

"You can feel it in your soul,
That beat drops and you find yourself just wanting more.
Music, music
You're at its mercy, soon as your feet touch the floor.
And the rhythm is moving you,
As the wisdom's fine tunin' you.
Ain't nothing better than a real hot track
With those lyrics that bring us back."
~Beckah Shae