Somehow hope still lingers through my soul.
Time has broken me in ways that i sometimes wonder how I'm still standing?
But that little hope that keeps me sane ironically has a first and last name.
Aint it pathetic how my sanity depends on the person who unintentionally keeps breaking me? Aint it pathetic how he is having the happiest days while im here patiently waiting for his comeback although i deep down know that day is not anywhere near this present. Pathetic little me right?

I'm not selfish!
You haven't experienced the weight and woe
that accompany me with each tick of the clock;

I was--no;
I always disapproved of the things I've done,
I've regretted trusting with such nativity,
I always offered too much

I wanted to be accepted,
so I did what I thought I should do.
I tried changing myself,
I attempted to be like them, and
to somehow be similar.

It was of pure envy,
I wanted to be like them
Attractive, and having
countless friends

I wanted and needed;
And, instead of being envious,
I was greedy or maybe both;

I kept on suppressing my own emotions,
I push back the tears before they even form.
I would look unpleasant if I allow them to fall.

With an effort to perfect myself,
I desperately tried to improve with
the talent that I possess.
I was frustrated
each time it looked--so horrible.

Yet, blinded by my own perfectionism,
I overlooked the progress made.

"What a fool,"

I remember when the rain would fall, it would feel like I could jump up and down with laughter until a rainbow would rise.

My rainy days now are filled with sorrow, remorse and despair.

They want nothing to do with you, because they knew you never cared.

They said they’d warned me, that love is never guaranteed, not knowing how childish and stupid I would be.

But boy these are life lessons that I will never forget because without them I’d be dead I bet.

Easy little things like love is what we need; problem is the requirements we cannot meet.

Asking for too much and not giving any in return.

Through the journey of life,
I followed where my nose has led.
A majority of my story,
on pages now turned and read.

There is a change in me,
a need to seek some other guide.
For my nose at times has led,
to so many places where I cried.

So short the time remaining in my book,
I want to follow my own heart.
To smile and laugh again,
and let love and passion play its part.

Somewhere out there,
there must be a lover that feels the same.
Yet I don't know where you are,
and I don't even know your name.

I hold a passion and a love for you,
so vast it would cover all the sea.
My heart cries out for some reply,
who and wherever you may be.

I am both a repository of unused love,
and so very much all alone
So whomever you may be,
find me soon, life is pointless on my own.