I yearn to give you everything
That they do not give you,
I want to give you rest and comfort,
As I help you pull through.
If you need taking care of,
I'd promise I'd be there -
But you're so far away,
I feel like I'm not there.

Miles may separate us,
But in my heart I hold you close,
And if I had the chance,
I'd never let you go.

I spend parts of my days,
Planning out ways,
Of how to get you back.
I know you wouldn't mind it much,
But there's always obstacles in attack.

I think you are okay, or at least on the surface,
I have to make myself trust
That you are happy in that family,
That I've been taken out of.

Knowing from experience though,
It will probably hurt one day,
Or at least for the oldest of you.
And I will wrap you up warm
And try to empathise,
Never the less, I will try my best
To bandage it all up and make it the most it can be.

And if you wanted, I'd hide you away and bring you everything you need.
For me general daily things are hard, if socialisation's involved,
But I'd try my best for you,
Because that's what you're supposed to do
For the people that you love, for family.

Lately I've felt that they're stealing you all,
That they're cutting me out.
Our mother only wants me on her terms,
And that's not how it should be;
I would walk over mountains for you, you see.
I can't come to you, but I have tried getting you to me.

Still, I worry that one day,
You'll think I gave up,
You'll think that I left you
And nothing could ever make that true.
I will always try to do what's right by you.

I don't want you seeing the wreckage before you need to,
Before you can handle it.
I need to know you're safe, not sorry.
I'm starting to wonder here, if maybe I'm just being dramatic.
But this is some of the reason that I pretend or hide it,
With the act of being a somewhat good daughter,

Well really it's also because:
It's hard not to do the job when you're with her,
Almost as if it pulls something from me;
Like it's my fault for not having what I want,
And if I'm good in that moment I'll have it.
Except it,
Never comes.

I miss you four,
And I'll always love you more.

I'm thankful for family
For sisters who love me
I'm thankful for parents
Who took their role seriously

I'm thankful for a home
That was open to friends
I'm thankful for cousins
And family that extends

To uncles and aunts
To grannies and nans
To granddads and grandpas
And in-laws and clans

I know we're not perfect
We've had ups and some downs
But together we flourish
We won't be kept down

Your words
Flow over
Gravel,
Tumbling
With purpose
And precision,
And I see
In the bend
Of your hips
The hurt
And hope
From which
They spring.
I should have known
That hearing your voice
Would draw my heart
To yours.

Twin sisters never got up late
this time they face a bubble wake
They joined up to their brainstorm
and never stood back to transform.

For all of us who have bashed ourselves numb
trying to be there
(for our brothers)

For all of us who have locked our hearts inside
settling with a joke
(for our fathers)

For all of us who have loved them more than ourselves
more than we could handle
(for our men)

For all of us who keeps putting our friends before us
always coming last place
(for our loved ones)

For all of us whose hearts are out there, feeling with everyone
trying to save strangers with one look
(for our fellow humans)

For all of us who can have amnesty and forgiveness to all others
seeing their imperfections as beauty
(for everyone besides us)

For us
We will learn
We will sympathize
We will passionately love ourselves
more than we have loved anyone else

At last
we will free ourselves

The faintest click of a radio button
a song that I swear I'd long forgotten

and I journey back to another time
happily quiet, but humming inside

running much faster than blue dinosaurs
I Spy much more than a boy really saw

different than walking, different like flying
moving so fast they can't hear my sighing

tremours of laughter on Radio 2
then singing out loud junior choice tunes

even when songs fade away in the hills
I'd rather be here than back at home still

wary of Jenny's sharp buckled shoes
breathing in clouds from dad's old Saint Bruno

holding on tight to my cool DB5
m'Lady's pink Rolls is off for a drive

I always I Spy with my little eye
3 for a girl and then 4 for a boy

I Spy mum’s constant quick fingered knitting
row after row with Sally still kicking

then I Spy Janet swinging her feet
I Spy other kids in other back seats

I wish for grandma's baked cherry biscuits
I see the first sign that we're near Tonbridge

these are old snatches of life in the 60s
this is me looking back from my 50s

I'll sit still back here, just one back seat song
from family trips where I still belong

New moon
Dark rising
Looking within
Goddess timing
Sisters gather
Circle strength
Intentions matter
Love mends

Emmalou comes to my bed at night:
"Now Abby, tell me a story!", she orders.
"I can tell you about stars and the Universe's borders, or just moonlight."