Before, I couldn’t see you
I would write about your eyes
Your smile
Your hair
All cliche, all flat
I couldn’t write
How I tried
Now I see you...

I see a green mantis
I see your freckled patina in that photo with the perfect light
I see you engaging the waiter in conversation
I see your long limbs loosely crossed
Cradling your herbal tea and segmenting your orange
I see you

The soft nape of your neck is in my dreams

I see you swimming ahead in the river,
I see your joy in that, and remember me needing to turn back
I see us crouched on the railway sleeper,
The last of the sun crossing us
While the washing up waits
The beer dries on our lips
We sit looking back at your home

I see the young and sexless person you told me about
Your nose in a book on the family holiday

I see the flicker of self-doubt
the slow rising tear that doesn’t spill over
being all things,
mother, worker, friend, lover

I see all the things you are not
that I projected onto you
Now I see you

The simple blessedness meme-complex, I bet,
what is the state of blessed, as in:
have
a blesst
day?

Voltaire, he right there, he say define y'toims t'
convoice wit me we share some air, y'know.

Peacemaker, is the primary integral role of the
being process I formed in.

Childhood drama at 2020 Common Sensed Media Low
sense making in terms of words designated,
subconsciously through designer sneezers,

say, did you hear? Does that banner still wave, o'er
the land of the free and the brave?
Are there homes for unwanted children in your town,
or do you have a town because you have a prison now,
good jobs, kids graduate highschool,
easy, union, we *** 'em guard jobs,
all kinds of jobs, prisons, boy,

a big one, can revive the real estate market in a town.

I.
You say that there is nothing
To live for,
There is nothing
To achieve.

All is broken here,
There is nowhere to go,
All ways are not dear,
One can only scream, oh!

There are weak shadows of the fog,
There is hate, there are crimes,
There is all this human smog,
There is no sense to our lives.

II.
But I tell you that there is a better,
More wonderful and sunny world,
Where like soft songs, like a short meter,
We can fly, and this is not the last word.

I can tell you that this world remains,
This is on this... such dark earth,
On these streets without stairs
And heaven, if you still breath...

And if you still ask me where...
Where to go, how to have a life...
I will tell you that you can go there,
To yourself to find how rife

Not to be!

III.
And, there is also another world
No one alive has been there so far,
Neither Socrates, who was bald
Nor Plato, and any Judith Shklar!

No one was there and back again,
This is another air, another form of life,
And no one knows the time and when
One has to go there to fly, not strife...

No one knows but everybody’s so wise...
What we see here is real but material,
It is all teeming and brutal disguise,
But there are things there – unfamiliar

We are with them...

IV.
...yet.
Go straight.
It’s a net.

It is a bet!
Pascal’s freight.
Warm, wet...

The eternal bed.
Nothing left.
All left.

V.
You have no concept when you are born,
But when you die, much more is driven:
You see the light when the heaven is sworn,
You see the darkness when the hell is given.

Although during a life you often see nothing...
Like a bee, like a candle, like a batwing.
Like funny moray eels, we have to swim,
And funny is life, and later life is dim.

And, yes, a human being is a moth
That flies to the fire of the candle...
It is you and me, we are such both,
But in life we all want a bright spangle!


17.4.2021, night

They once said that "a piece of cake, is a slice at the beginning your life"...
But is that even true...at the very most end of the spectrum, from which your heart beckons too the very mind that surpluses the very objects (from which is can't find itself in the mess of truthful results), that begin to truly shame the result of even trying to piece things together, time after time...?
NO!
Which are exactly why things don't need to be remembered from right off the bat.
That's because a piece of cake is the truthfully defining reach from which we can't solve the very most bottom remedy from straight out from under our very heartstrings. Heartstrings in the very form of how our very life began. When you were too busy fighting objections too win over your very mind's eye (at the very center of opportunity itself)!
Basically, the very end results, begin with a single fraction of those very "to-do" list heartstrings...that don't truly account for the most interesting of logical finds. Simply put, it literally calls forth (the very claim of one's own arrival) at the very hands of remembering what it was truly like too live again!
Except, when you tasted the very cake that belonged deep in your own heart.
And a heart that is truly beginning anew, again. But with a twist, you see....
Nothing is really the same, after from which you taste this newly found piece of cake, that slices off one end of its own self...and disregards the rest, after the final aftertaste had reclaimed it's own glory.
This is mostly because you think you feel what the mind's eye REJECTS the claim like a chronic storm of results for the such displeasurable spectrum.
Now you know when you slice a piece of cake at the very end of one's own life, and take that slice at the very beginning newly found account...for it is a truly newer start at the very beginning of something entirely new.

I compare everything to you
It really isn't fair
From the way they roll their eyes
To the shade of their hair

I fear that no one could ever come close
To being as great as you
With your wicked sense of humor
And glacier eyes so blue

How could I ever settle
After experiencing the best?
It almost burns my cheek
Laying on a stranger's chest

Although I have been single for months
It doesn't feel that way in my heart
I suppose I will always be emotionally unavailable
No matter how long we are apart

I hate the constant loneliness
So I seek comfort in foreign places
But never find the warmth I am searching for
Just different detached faces

You left a hole inside of me
So large it can never be filled
No matter how many times I wring out
I can't mop up all the blood that's spilled

And anyone who dares come near
Only ends up hurt and broken
Because each word directed delicately
Doesn't surpass the ones past spoken

I guess I need to accept the truth
Happiness is permanently out of range
I am aware it's long after the time to let go
Why am I clutching onto what I cant change?

I have tried to find another fish
But I'm drowning in the ocean
Those who say I could do so much better
Have obviously never handled such emotion

They don't understand the magnetism
The irresistible pull I can't shake
You haunt every nightmare that wracks my mind
Each daydream when I'm awake

I try to look at other men
With the same adoring stare
But I don't have eyes for anyone else
No passion or patience to spare

I know there was a time in my life
Before you lit it up with your glow
But I don't remember how it felt
It was so many years ago

I've grown dependent on your touch
Was in shock when you ripped it away
There are other arms to help carry me
I just wish that yours was here to stay

No other skin is as soft and sweet
Nobody else has a hug as tight
No sweat besides yours smells exactly like home
No kiss except yours could ever feel right

There are other guys as tall as you
They may even have freckles just the same
But even an exact replica
Wouldn't sound like you when saying my name

Once you find 'the one' you know
Pursuit of other endeavors you stop
You can't climb any higher than the peak
And baby you were my mountaintop

You gave me everything I needed and more
It seemed like you barely had to try
We were almost always on the same page
Until out of nowhere you said goodbye

But I still picture your mischievous smile
Every night as I lie in bed
I've attempted to replace your photos
But they linger in my heavy head

And the sparkle ignited in your eyes
When you map my curves with your gaze
Is impossible to duplicate or outdo
Like the goosebumps you effortlessly raise

I wish and wish with all my might
For the strength to be alright all alone
But all I get are leaden feet
And memories that cut to the bone

Everyone says my wounds will heal
It just takes time and I will mend
But it's been 20 weeks of consistent hell
I haven't yet begun to see the end

I wish I could enjoy one moment
Without wistful nostalgia clouding my brain
These hopeless comparisons cause damage
Longing driving me insane

I know I cannot have you
You are no longer mine to hold
Silent treatment has never said so much
Your shoulder never felt so cold

It's hard to imagine you at peace
With someone new by your side
After all that we've been through together
Now you're drifting out with the tide

I am glad you discovered what you were missing
I hope she is everything I'm not and more
But would you answer honestly if I asked
Was it better the way it was before?

Look nowhere but within, for your spiritual highs, forgiveness and sin.
The saddest truth there is, your a commodity.
You're a consumer to the holy man who put a price on his wisdom.
And the teachings of the earth are so lost
That we pay for courses in the innate.
To know what we thought we never needed. And become who we thought we'd never be.
Isn't that ironic?
We're lost.
This human being.

I should study
but honestly,
even you, fool,
make more sense than this