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may May 2018
A thought heavy on my mind
Doesn’t seem to go away
Especially with meals placed in front of me

I began looking more into the number
And seeing myself as only pounds
Forgetting how happy these things made me

I haven’t listened to any of these urges
But I don’t know how much longer I’ll last
Hey I promise I’m okay
empty seas May 2018
fat
i despise
what I’ve done with
this meat prison i’m trapped in
fat collected everywhere
sides, arms, and legs
like pools of self-hatred
i want to tear and rend
cut the fat off this body
until i don’t look horrible
but i’m too cowardly
to feel real pain
i have tried
to throw the food out
after it was already consumed
but that never worked
i’m even a failure
at destroying my body

i am not soft
i am not cute
i am horrific
body so fat
and so ugly
i hate my body
Jack May 2018
Why do you smoke?
All your thoughts begin to choke
Your weak windpipe, delicate from pain,
And now you’re alone, hurting again.

Why are you smokin’?
Are you truly that broken?
So desperate to leave this place,
No one to have as a safe base.

Realising all the pain you cause,
in your head, sarcastic applause,
Recognising your life is a joke,
Is that why you choose to smoke?
Elaine May 2018
Sometimes I dress up and paint my face
So that I can at least feel pretty on the outside
Renee Apr 2018
I'm sure I look fine.

Days like today,
I want to strip the skin
From my forearms
Using only my fingernails.

Days like today,
I want to wring out
My legs like a washcloth,
Squeeze the rolls on my stomach
Until they're empty.

Days like this,
I want to walk away from my body
forever.

I'm sure I look fine.
empty seas Apr 2018
I have a dark, slithering thing
it lives in me
curled up in the cavity
just above my stomach
it only awakes
to eat and destroy
feasting on my emotions
and destroying my self-confidence
as my other emotions are slowly dying
to where I cannot feel them anymore
the dark, slithering beast
gives me one emotion
it is the only emotion
envy
I turn jealous and hateful
unable to smile with the beast showing me
how everyone is so much better
it hisses to me:
your best friend is funnier and nicer
your girlfriend more talented and pretty
they will turn away eventually
for you have no good qualities

I can’t bear to hurt anyone
so I turn to isolation
the great, slithering beast turns on me
and from the inside out
tears me to shreds
Everyone I love is so much better than me, and I dread the day they realize I’m nothing compared to them, and finally leave me
Jay Apr 2018
Have you ever seen someone so crumbled,
That it seems they are dying?
Someone so hurt,
And so full of distaste for themselves that they tried to end?
I have.
I have been one,
And I have met a million.
And there is ONE thing I have realized about all of these people.
Not one of them is weak.
Not a single one.
Most of these shattered souls have held together through a million beatings,
Physical or verbal.
All of these beings who fold in upon themselves,
Trying to hide,
Are the most beautiful humans to ever exist.
Each of these souls with an ache for an end,
Are talented, and skilled in ways that most would not think.
Every bruised heart has loved a trillion,
But are now afraid to have someone cruel reach in,
And rip their love out.
Every single one of these people are perfect,
Worthy beings.
Every single soul like this,
Deserves to wail,
And cry.
Each one has every right to scream,
And howl,
Until their lungs are weak.
All of them deserve the most perfect love,
And they each deserve respect.
To most,
Each of these souls are weak.
But they are not.
They are trees whose limbs have been scorched,
But are still breathing,
And are still dreaming,
Even if they believe that they do not deserve a single good thing.
They have leaves sprouting at their bases,
Flowers blooming from their roots.
They may seem powerless to some,
Even themselves,
But they are wise,
Powerful souls,
With a thousand rings in their tree trunks,
Who will NEVER be uprooted.
empty seas Apr 2018
i think i've always had an urge
to rip myself to pieces
to value myself less than others
and although it's unhealthy
i don't think i hate it
i let my mind destroy myself
because i definitely deserve it
and as long as others don't get hurt
i don't care what happens
i've always been taught to not be selfish, so i became selfless to a fault
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