I'm learning to find my voice again
To learn that I DO have a voice,
and it's not so bad,
and it IS worth to be heard,
Too...
sans pleas,
sans promises,
you just have to believe,
I have to believe...
After all these years being silenced,
Muffled,
Belittled,
Deemed worthless,
My infantile fragile shaky volatile voice,
Now needs to
ROAR.
Hurry, we have an audience,
and yet, still, other voices to compete.
So help me, God.
You guided me here,
so please,
guide me all the way...

Need I, to change myself?
Well, the question is easy not
Because what doth change exactly mean?
Need I, to change my behaviour?
Depends does it, on the situation
However, were you to ask me to change
Something that hath been a part of me
For years and years
The answer shall a resounding no be
Because, were I to change my nature
Then Ashwin I shall be no longer!!

Need I, to change myself?
Well, when it comest to anger management
Change I can, certainly
Of course, it is but something
Already am I working on
And I boast not
But strides, have I already made
Thus, am I on the right track

Need I, to change myself?
Well, when it comest to self-belief
Agree we all should
That this is but something
Which I need to work on
Because, currently drowning am I
In a pool of insecurities
Some of them being self-created
But yes, working on it am I
Through therapy and reading the gospel everyday
And of course, penning poems like this!!

Need I, to change myself?
Well, when it comest to certain painful incidents in the past
Do well I certainly could
To make an earnest effort
Towards forgiving and forgetting
Not because those people deserve it
But for my own inner peace
As have said repeatedly
All those dear to me

Need I, to change myself?
Well, were there something
Which I am happy with not
Then yes, may some tweak be needed
Because, as said a very dear cousin sister of mine
Change is but something
Which would keep me happy and protected

Need I, to change myself?
Well, when it comest to my character
Once again, the answer shall a resounding no be
Of course, a few behaviours here and there
Can altered be, if required
But then, doth it apply to everyone
And most importantly
Believe in myself, I must
No matter what
Again the words of my dear cousin
Amen!

Being Invisible

Why can't people see me?
Is the question I ask
Looking at me with their judgemental eyes
That look I despise

Being invisible walking through life
No one recognizes my pain and strife

Not opaque
Not even translucent
Just plain ole invisible–transparent

People look past me, through me
They just can’t see me
Taking my kindness for weakness
Mistaking my smile for meekness

Every single day I pray
God how much more can I take
Am I being punished for my past mistakes

Then, just like that, I open my eyes
Did I just dream I was invisible?
Was it just visual subconscious lies?

Could someone really be invisible?
I mean, is it even considerable?

Being invisible
To the seen it’s unseen
Can a person really be invisible?
Or does that only happen in an invisible person’s dreams?

Tomorrow,
I will be
a little bit bolder.
Spread my wings and fly.

Tomorrow,
I will be
a little bit stronger.
Soaring through the endless sky.

Tomorrow,
I will be
truer to who I really am.
Broken and bent, but beautiful.
No longer a lie.

When I feel
Inadequate
I get the urge to
Cut
Like slicing my
Arm
Would make me
Worthy
Would make me
Enough
As if
Devouring
My flesh would
Prove
That I am as they
Say
I am
Not good
Enough
Not good
Enough.
No.
I'm
More
Than
Enough.