I
am the crumpled up
rough draft girl
in the wastepaper basket
corner of my mind

she is the file
I deleted
after too many red lines
changed her meaning

this is not my final draft
I will throw myself away
again soon

in the tsunami of self loathing,
i am not going to swim,
i am sitting numb,
staring at the walls,
questioning myself,
why am i this way?
why can't i be what they want me to be?
why can't i?
i hear the waves of ocean of detestation,
crashing on my mind,
destructing my trueself,
shaking the buildings of my self confidence,
i can feel the water filled inside my lungs,
and this time,
i am not swimming,
i am not trying to save myself,
i am drowning,
and i don't want anyone,
to save me from drowning,
coz i know,
they can save me from demons,
but no one can save me from myself....

I hear a sound
In the middle of the night
Nobody is awake
Except for me
The sound
It rings
Like a bell
It won't stop
The alarm
It's a warning
To save me
From me

I hear a sound
In the middle of the night
Nobody is awake
Except for me
The sound
It rings
Like a bell
It won't stop
The alarm
It's a warning
To save me
From me

my heart starts to stutter
shape shifting into shaky shards of nervousness
your words sing out to me softly and surely
soaking the side of paper i write ****** poetry on
influencing sonnets of pure sin
carefully sultry and swift
soon to be words of action