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Victoria Feb 20
And again and again and it hurts and again
and i’m trying and again
and more

suddenly my hair seems very pullable
and my walls seems very punchable
and nothing’s really making ******* sense
my hearts beating out of my chest
somethings very wrong but it’ll pass
it’ll pass
i guess

breathe
just breath
and i do and calm comes over me for a split second
a breather
but it’s a coach telling you “Another lap”

and then it rises again
over me all over
and again and again and it’s hurts and again
and i’m trying and again
and more
lungs expanding more than my ribs can take
but not enough for a full breath
tears march down my face and my nose drips into lakes
how much longer
how much more

the last weep the last sniffle the last self inflicted wound of the night
silence
tic and toc meet
greet each other again and again and.
Victoria Feb 19
S
my heart starts to stutter
shape shifting into shaky shards of nervousness
your words sing out to me softly and surely
soaking the side of paper i write ****** poetry on
influencing sonnets of pure sin
carefully sultry and swift
soon to be words of action
Victoria Feb 17
mush i feel like mush
disgusting mush
mush that’s been left out too long and you can’t refrigerate again
i feel revolting and disgusting
i’ve come to terms with the fact that i need to invent a sophisticated enough word to express the hatred i feel for the body that i’ve been cursed with
and you’ll say it’s the body you love infinitely
every stretch mark, hair, roll, and dimple
in my mind, i find you absolutely ludicrous
i doubt your words and ****** remarks
i think “you have horrible taste”
how could someone so perfect love someone so imperfect
in my heart, i know it to be true
that i am not as hideously tragic as i see myself
but the mind is so cruel  
insecurity is so tragic
today’s feelings
Victoria Feb 16
I crave an obvious love
Read my mind
Know me better than me

I crave an unrealistic love
Complete my sentences before I think them
Know my mood by the position of my hand

I crave the other half of me
Split down the middle
Staring back at me
Victoria Feb 16
Love isn't always butterflies and snow cones
It can be bee stings and low groans
Sometimes difficulties swallow the ease of smiles
At its lowest, it can be worse than getting lost in grocery aisles
Triumphing through the days where my patience is tested
Are the days are simply worth rejoicing
Because love isn't always bee stings and low groans
It can be butterflies and snow cones
Victoria Feb 13
tick to tick to tock to tock
to reminisce to make it stop
to hide my face to never race
to the far away finish line

tock to tock to tick to tick
to make amends to make a fix
to hold a grudge to never budge
to let others take advantage

tick to tock to tick to tock
to have some fun to let things rock
to youthful glows to always grow
to always favor me
Victoria Feb 13
When the moon strolls across the sky
On the nights I can’t help but feel minute
She’s always there

Shining with the light the Sun has gifted her
Or completely camouflaged into the abyss
Not to be seen but felt

For several days she does what many of us wish to do
Disappear into nothingness
Even celestial bodies feel shame

The moon brings a sense of comfort nothing else can
A sense of familiarity
The all-seeing eye of a heavenly mother

She watches, understands, and attempts to reach me
Her light struggling to illuminate the darkest corner of a room
She’s lost the ability to talk eons ago

She has seduced the greatest of writers and enamored the saddest of humans
I look at her and can’t help but think that I owe her my life but

She lacks your tranquil crooked smile
Your soft amber eyes
The words that melt off your tongue like butter

Lips that shush demons away
You’ve outshone her
You’re the eclipse I’ve been waiting for
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