Fresh baked bread
Layered in death and vegetation
My insides burn with withdrawal
It's been almost 24 hours now
How much longer will it take?
To either cave in unwillingly
Or to die painfully slow?

If I had not forgotten my cash
I'd have given in to my survival drives
I'm happy I forgot it
Because I can't stomach the idea of food
Let alone choke down something so revolting
Only because it pulls me further away from death

Instead I flood my veins with nicotine
Desperately trying to curb these cravings
My legs threaten to give out
With each step I take
Even now, scratching this among global fem notes
Dissociated entirely from class
My hands won't stop shaking

Is it nerves?
Or physical deterioration?
Or the panic lying under the surface?
Deafening screams ricochet through my mind
As I try to drown these feelings
But they won't disappear

I've dropped significant weight
And I don't want it back
I don't feel the need to lose more
But still it falls away
And eventually leaves nothing but skin and bones
Fueled by electrifying anxiety

Calibrating circles behind the eyes,
Making me twitch;
Startled. Surprised.
Like deer in the woods with antlers intertwined, your embrace consuming me.
Restriction.
Roots.
Vines.
Erroneous mutterings heard in the dark
The vibrations tingling the shallow hole in my heart.

They think I'm not eating
That must explain why
They keep trying to feed me.
I think they feel
My more pronounced hip bones
When leaning in to hug me.
Close up they may notice
How my clothes hang much looser now.
Do my arms look less filled in?
Have my cheeks began to cave?
Probably not.
Don't worry about me.
I'll be fine.
My stomach feels better now,
Although it's begun to burn more often,
But I don't care.
Because the closer I get to dying
The more I feel alive

Longing to express it
Not to suffer and suppress it
But you tell me I can't
you tell me it's easier
You tell me it helps
I tell you it kills me.

Regreting my expectance
Receiving no acceptance
And you tell me I can't
you can't stand to hear it
I can't hold it in
I can't turn off my emotion

Decaying so painfully slow
Dead and so horribly alone
You tell me I can't
You say you need a break
That's it's better if you do
And I can't stay awake

Already lost in my asleep
Burried so far in the deep
And you tell me I can't
makes everything worse
Tearing me apart
How do u think this helps!

Maybe it will benefit you
You think it will benefit me too
You tell me I can't tho!
And I'm lost in this storm
Of endless torture
Forever so numb

In the end when you come back
I'll be the same and not on track
Because you tell me I cant..
I've held it in for so long
It's killed me so slowly
Nothing but dust

To my darling angel, my heart goes to you,
I love being with you all the ******* time,
You have many nicknames but forever you're my boo,
Loving you my dear, should never be a crime.