don't worry baby it was just a game just a game i know how much you like those i know how much you like the pain and the tragedy and the mother ******* insanity why else would you talk to yourself so much why else would you **** everyone else as often as you **** yourself we know you're self aware don't play stupid even though you really are stupid if this is the game you choose rattling pills like dice hoping at least one of us will be nice but sorry sweetheart that's not how it's played no one loves you that's why none of them have ******* stayed but don't worry at least you have the voices in you head for ******* company i know playing the game is no fun when your alone so just keep tally until we're done and don't worry i won't tell any of them how much of you is really real and how much is pitch black sin you paint brightly to conceal baby don't cry when i'm here just because you want to die if you hate me so much then why don't you ever leave if you hate me so much then why do you garden with me if you hate me so much then why give me ******* roses you know i pluck the petals and watch them decompose baby why play the game if you can't stand to loose you don't have to stomach it if you choke yourself on ***** but that's never been you that's not the ******* good **** that you crave but drink it any way and choose any bottle for the chase baby it's so funny how sad you pretend to be when we both know the scary part is you don't feel a **** thing so let me help you remember how deep the losses can go baby just remember not to let them show

I take 3 steps forward, and 1 step back .
I was sober almost 4 months.

Doing swell, the job, prolific writing.
and then, wham, A bottle of Absinthe in two hours,
Not even Van Gogh on the box or the worm wood could
make sense of the garbled words I wrote.
**** Hemingway and Fitzgerald.  And Stein can go to Hell.

Across the table
my grandpa asks me why
i don't eat cinnamon toast crunch anymore.
The last time i saw them
i loved it so much
that he tried it, and got hooked
but now i don't touch it.
And i don't know how to tell him
why,
how to tell him
that the thought of all that sugar
paralyzes me.
So i just sit with my corn flakes,
avoid his eyes
and hope he doesn't notice
how desperately i wish i could eat it.

Can't go to sleep again
This is when I miss c*caine
Or anything else
In my brain
In my veins
To numb the pain
Before I go insane

But I've come this far
Hanging by a thread
Looking for a missing star
One amongst the dead

I wish I could show you
The real person inside me
The things I truly can do
And who I can be

I've always been lurking
As well as searching
Through the darkness
Of my soul's promise

"We'll be united once more"
Oh how death I would adore
To melt down to my core
Or wash up cold ashore

See the expressions of apathy
And see mal-sympathy
I've broken and I've torn
Around me ever since I've born

I miss't to feel numb
I used to be so fun
Nowadays I've been shunned
From all that I want

So this' what I've become
Someone with seams undone
So I'd understand
If you'd reprimand
All that I am
And ever will be
For I'm only sand
Blowing away at sea

Whats wrong with me?
Why do I feel like this...
Dropping to my knees....
and tears dropping down into an abyss...

Why can´t I just be normal?
and ¨buckle down¨ like other people.
I dont want to feel awful..
and I am just a *******.

I can´t get anything done
and I dont understand why.
This weight on me feels like a ton
and theres nobody nearby.

I hate myself because...
I dont understand myself...
why I do what i do..
why i feel the way i feel..
why i think my thoughts...
... the sharp edges control itself...

Sitting in the dark just gives me visions of you
No matter either way the wall is built
No matter the covering
No matter the adversity
Take me into your simple arms
Your sinful arms
Return me
Release me

When the clicks go click and the rifle has a kick;
Behind your head. Those bullets rip
a part of your life, from the outside- in. your heart.
It trusts a little harder.
;My razor has the power on the counter, And im stuck in the shower.
Trying to climb this curtain tower.. spinning with the room.
Still.. I lay, without power.
My arms, weary.
My legs are weak
and my nose. Clogged purely with powder. But it's not flower;
My drink is sour, I try to cover it with caffeine, Gum, and hours;
I want it to work,
But without options or chowder. The choice is;  live or die. I haven’t power,
No money, Just a coward. But I see it.
nor money; or regret,
the pill will make it better. But with drug tests, and stomach upsets I can’t.. I can’t waste it. A chance to be made. Or forfeit. But I won’t quit..  
It’ll hurt a bit. At least for a time,
But **** it,
I’m crushing a little white downer