ive been depressed for years
the flex is weird

© Matthew Harlovic

Ah...
Look...
I know I went in too deep at the start
Not a care in the world, didn't care who I hurt
Went through a lot of people but mum you got it the worst
We've battled on the battlefield and I'm the one who lost
I'm the cartographer with the map he just couldn't chart
Now I think we've taken this too far
I know I let you down and we fought like Vietnam
But I've looked forwards now, "****"
I will always be here for you and I'm glad...
For all those years you were all I had
I know you were struggling whilst raising us and I understand
So thank you for everything we had because you were my mum and my dad
And I know I was never the best
Just been wanting to get this off my chest
Now it's time to lay it to rest
Because you made me the man I've become
I've wanted to tell you for so long
Thought alone made me go numb
At last the time has come
I'm sorry for everything that ever went wrong
An you know I'll always love you
Because your my mum...

Ah about time I was honest with you...
Two years I've been at this...
Would've never guessed it would come this far...
But I've always given my opinion on my... situation...
So...
Let me ask ya'll a question...


The ******* gonna do when they don't get you.
The ******* gonna do when they all act confused
The ******* gonna do when you can't see it through
I'll give you a clue, it starts with you!


How can you say that you used me, shame it was motive that fueled me
A traveler disrespected on his odyssey
A writer dissed on his autobiography
A rapper who don't need no prodigy
Oh and a sucker who doesn't have your respect, **** me?!
Just know I ain't taking **** from someone who was home schooled and still got bullied!
Now need think about this, it's kinda formidable
Head banging round these walls, I'm kinda predictable
Until I find a break through, I'm unfixable
These walls may hurt so find me a brother that don't act like a victim
Guess you that could place these syllables on one sick and indistinguishable individual...
Oops! I could've fool me, now through the gates of my Kingdom
You coming running, but I stood there, impenetrable
Take the shades off, about now super abilities would be useful
Shame that your wisdom leaves me pretty indefeasible
But just vanished, turned too ash or just invisible
Either way you left me open to suggestion so...


The ******* gonna do when they don't get you.
The ******* gonna do when they all act abused
The ******* gonna do when they can't tell the truth
I'll give you a clue, it starts with you!


Now I'm released, only open fields await
Its no where near those Kingdom gates
But when all seems good, so close too great
You gave me a task that couldn't wait
And suddenly I'm expected to accept the unexpected is a bargin I didn't make, feel like I fought a war and lost
If you can't be a parent, you know do you ******* job
A ******* disgrace this thief wants to start another war
I'm just little kid with dose of mummy issues
"quick pass him the tissues!"
Maybe instead of my money you can steal my childhood
Oh ****! I take it back I didn't mean that literally
Too late, what a shame, at least had no responsibility with bigamy
Go on and do it but Ill keep my dignity
Additionally I thought you cared, when vacancies varied a various variety of people see fit to steal from me... no seriously
Never could see, that how could it be that I was the one you chose to betray
Uh now it looks like nothing goes my way "hahaha like ever"...
But originally I was supposedly a considerably miserable weak willed little ***** with a side of juvenile delinquency
We need to see how we can be to switch the inadequate of our compatibility
And maybe it would change anything but most likely I'd change nothing, naturally...

...but we'll see


The ******* gonna do when they don't get you.
The ******* gonna do when they all act confused
The ******* gonna do when you can't see it through
I'll give you a clue, it starts with you!

Follow the leader, not
Left me on the heater hot
Like teeter tot four meter drops
For me to stop you need more than you come with

Done it one two three times
Higher than the tree climbs
Never said i wouldn't fall
Never let a rhythm stall never

Ever in my mind prime stand tall
Level off the time binding bands fall
******* fans call up on me hands on the long haul
Land of the free and brave ah **** wrong song

Cyclic I'm like which way
Sick like this may break a *****
Knowledge this more than tip
******* every sentence ****

What sense is this aye
Like sending ships back to bay
**** I couldn't stay
Couldn't face it so I change my ways

Metamorphosis-
Meta on the surface
Met my purpose
Not too certain still I set a course and work it

Know it's worth it
When I render words
When I send these verbs
Conquer this and and that

Hella bad
Hella abstract
Leave ya
With that

Swore i'd be better this time
Boy you better get after them rhymes
If nothing changes nothing changes
Busted chains and lusting for days and

Locked in a way like a fox does prey
Like a doc does say you'll never be fully healed
**** it all up my life goes round like a wheel
Nothing to feel

Willing to grind willing to put in my work
My time my mind really hurt
Fill in the ground cover with dirt
Give it a second I beckon to burst

Still with the check in i wreck it or worse
Still with the weapons I'm ready for war
Still whip it out and **** down a *****
Still wigging out cuz i needed more

**** with you on no ******* biz
Pull it ***** put it on my lips
Put it on all my ******* chips
Put it on em' yeah I body ****

Body it like a tsunami hit
No hobbyist they can't copy it
Just watch the **** - my cockiness
Never going to stop on my prophet tip

Bending to nothing - here I am
Been in the coming to my land
Sending you something - fall of man
Here come the drumming humming hands

Twisted mentality
Call it a bio hazard
Whatcha want from me
Death from a thousand daggers

Hold up - Stop, can't control an animal
Man's tyrannical
Pull up - Drop, on my radical
So, so bad I had to handle 'em

Many did try - i bodied 'em all up
Many may stall - I'm in it for the long haul
Many enemies - i bring em to the knees
In a sea of gasoline like ah ****

Speed on a melody go so loco
No amphetamines go for the flow whoa
All of my life i was ******* around
Why hit a ***** twice she ******* me down

I stick on a curve as I cut up a verse
Came with the force - Like I'm glued to the source
Like i groove into the work - Like i'm losing no worth
Like i'm look for pain - Like i think that they heard aye

All about the journey I'm living this life
**** too many worries I might end em tonight
Tight bends in my stomach i love it alright
I keep it ignited?

Unpredictable with the craft
I Keep ya guessing like some math
Listed lessons - leave you with one
my essence is the best to come

No more top  - I'm licking shots
I put it all up in the sky
Bound to boss i pay the cost
You ought to look me in the eye

This is worse i get so low
Bones be trudging through the snow
I blow it all  showing off
I'm never slowing up

Twisted mentality
Call it a bio hazard
Whatcha want from me
Death from a thousand daggers

I could say a whole bunch of ****
May not mean a lot to you
Hole'd up in while i write these grooves
Watching what this pen can do

Right these wrongs - I know I've been sinning
Fight head strong - I know I be winning in the long haul
When they all gone
When I come back from a long fall

One shot - who takes
Lose that I grew face
True to myself - homie don't lie
Fight for my right to live this life

True cat - new grace
You lack as I wait
Few really willing to light up the sky
Stuck in the past nah I'm living tonight
-
Imma keep on coming on it
Sloppy when I combat ****
Copy this I think you need more
Lost in locks I hide between doors

Lost in metaphors
My meta for my metamorphosis ****
Never met a matador
With manners manic, ya admit

Max oh man I handle damage
Oh my ammo slam like anvils
While i work that angle
Let it bang and watch it hit

Watch me spit I send a sentence
On my Sensei **** I swear it
Bring em in I'm ready for war
Beast within me hear it roar

I'm keep on coming never fall back
Never on that i stay ready
Come and get me if you want it
Let me bomb it

Let me on it get me started
Go so hard my lips may bleed
I feed em lyrics barely eat
Beat it up and lick em clean

When it all gets to me throw up these hands
Let it all stop let it drop where i strand
Sympathy no i sync up with the beat
Say what I mean as i lay up with the heat

Look at what i made let make a stain
Never lack always on my gain ****
Am I in a cage with the world as a stage
Imma keep on it, keep engaged, sit with pain and beast sonnets

Imma be on it, venom in my veins
Imma be honest Imma get it any which way
Any may imitate but they not the boy
fated, faded fill up the void

Dark night, light wave - I lost all direction
Start my last take - cross me out in sections
When will it stop this madness in my head
Off axis watch this skin when i shed it quick

Send me to the brink don't even have to push me
Can't even think right now the current took me
Over and over and over again
Said it I went and I scratched with the pen

Let it all go - Let it all end
Let it all flow - Let it all in

I write letters to my ghost
He knows me better than most
I remember when he said
You'll never measure even close
  
Is this enough? I think not.
Wanting to grow, stuck in the same spot
******* I'm some ******* monster
On and on I ******* wander

Wondering how i can say this
I didn't ask for this ****
Hoping it leaves me painless
Bound till I'm ashes in the wind

Wondering how i can say this
I didn't ask for this ****
Hoping it leaves me painless
Bound till I'm ashes in the wind