i used
                        to believe
                              thru the very core
                        of my being

                        with all i had
                                       was
                                       could fathom




            then.
  

                          THEN.       ­         


                                         T.         H.         E.         N.
    


                                  the unfathomable.



      when             faith
                     should have held me


i



l


e



t





g

o




                  falling

                                   into an a                 s
        
                                                  b   ­       s

                                                       ­ y




                                    devoid of
      
                         rope       or.           ladder
                                    







perhaps
             a shift in my gaze



     might      
                    carry me

                              out on gabriel’s wings

That’s it
That’s what I wanted
That’s what I’ve been looking for
You’ve got me so high...
I realize how dangerous a drug this is...
This game I’m playing...
How do I stick to my beliefs
When you just make me want more...?
I want you to hold me
And don’t you dare let go.

What you want
What I want
Our desires.
What you can
What I will
What we should.
What you need
What I need
Endless Love.

I’m always trying to outrun the demons.
They take the form of you leaving
And they keep me awake by whispering
About a future without you.

But sometimes I wonder what would happen
If we ever outrun them.

Maybe one day,
I will wake up to the sunshine peeking through
My sheer, white curtains on a saturday morning
And the weight I carry will no longer be
The possibilities of you leaving
But the weight of your arm resting across my body.

Maybe one morning,
I’ll be lucky enough to be the one who awakens
Next to your sleeping face
And I’ll watch as the sun tickles your skin
And your eyelids flutter as you rest.

Maybe I’ll be able to reach out and run my fingers
Along the side of your face and when you
Don’t disappear before my eyes,
I’ll take in a shaking breath of disbelief
That we actually made it.

Maybe.

you said our spirits search for ones we've known before
yours must remember mine
your soul returned for more

a piece of you is a part of me
my soul is cut into smithereens
prism of possibilities

but I wake up alone and free after dreaming you were next to me
but freedom is not as it seems
you touch the very heart of me

but I wake up alone and cold
shivering in silence
frozen on my own
until you lie down next to me

you said the mountains are your innermost home
with you, I no longer feel the need to roam

your eyes are the evergreens, the winter pines
the flecks of golden yellow color the road signs
the smoky fog that rises and lifts my spirit high
your spirit is the mountain that lifts me to the sky

I would follow you if you just had to go
I would come with you and make that place my own
but for as long as I know your love and your restful soul
I am a little piece of everywhere connected to the whole.

a pause, rested against the mill hopper
behind the glass of an eye

these empty mornings
climb through a mindful shell- as passes a gust by bare branch

distant looming giants wade freely tantamount to possibilities
in the house of both existence and not
they flow before us like gods