Sometimes I crave to write just to feel my keyboard brush against my fingertips
I agree with their word of choice with the press of a comma
A small betrayal when they rewrite our secrets

But I crave that deep ache that turns my bones brittle
That heartbreak plea for more when the space bar sings

"No more," My tongue pleas

But the stories are tangling around my body like a noose
the stitches in my skin are reopening with the press of a button
and at last, I feel free.

_________

"What have you done."

Pressing save with a confidence the tongue will always lack.

"Something you should've."

someone asked me recently if
I was happy
I said that I was
maybe not all the time, but life is good,
and this time I really meant it

if you had asked me a year ago I would have said
that I don't think I'd ever be happy again
I was so low it felt like I was buried
and I meant it

funny what a difference time makes
how in a year, you can be a whole new person

Each and every passing day
Will all be washed away.
So live exactly how
You have always wanted to right now.
Be the person you dream of being,
And make the decisions you know are freeing.

You are here so close to me
Sitting next, but No I can't see
I thought about us a lot
We were in the same boat
Lots of promises and expectations
Now only lessons and self evaluations
But no regrets yet
Such wonderful time we had
Present is not the right time for us
You are far shinier and way brighter
I am rusted and need an understanding
Re-polish myself and fix my wings
And one-day, God, maybe one-day
Could you give me one more chance to look at you and say
Within you there is something very very true
God, the most beautiful person I know is you.

Mornings and I don't get along
We are like oil and water
There is no sweet connection
They don't ever get my attention

Conversations invade my mental fog
Please be quiet and don't speak
Give me just five minutes to clear out
Before closing me in with words from your mouth

Allow me to refuel with some caffeine
Marinate my senses through coffee beans
Let it break up the fogginess screen
For if you don't I will let out a piercing scream

I think that
there's a version
of me that you love,
the version
that sleeps soundly at night,
that never doubts,
you love this perfect person,
an idea.
you love the version
of me, that doesn't exist,
and I don't
know how to tell you.

I thought I knew you
but I've been floating on the surface.
If what I've seen's true,
I'll dive headfirst to your place.
My messy aims
released me to a vaccum in nowhere.
I struck home, felt nothing,
touched everything since you're there.
I thought 'twas over,
but you're always somewhere.
I don't really know you,
wish I did, I want reasons to be there.
So give me reasons to be there.
I'll listen to the things that you'll share.
You don't need to feel mundane
because whatever it is, I'll care.
Small achievements or nightmares,
complaining that life's unfair,
let me be close to you
and let's turn things around.
Just you and me,
we'll leap off the ground and
stay in the air.