November 17, 2017

Red dry patches there
Red dry patches here
Red dry patches everywhere
Irritating, itchy , and ugly
“Put some lotion and everything will be fine. It will be gone and it won’t be fugly”
They said
If only it was that easy as a book I just read
But no.
I always keep myself on the low
You see, sometimes these patches bleed
And I cry, because it hurts and wish it will heal at such greater speed
I cry because when the water cleanses my body, it sometimes burns
I wish we could take turns
So you would understand
Why I can’t simply put myself with such confidence within myself, as I seem like a lost strand
Why my insecurities are high off the roof
How I want my body to disappear, like “****”
How I’ll never have decent skin until many months from now
From time to time admiring other people’s fair skin and I say “wow”
I wish I had normal skin
So I wouldn’t have to be dry and flaky, I would’ve had some sort of win
I wish I could be able to wear clothes that reveal some of my beauty from my body
But being snapped in reality, it’ll just disturb everybody
So I shall wait
And just deal with everything as it is my fate

August 2, 2017

His beautiful field that lay before my eyes
Made up of many ties
Red ribbons being tied to many roses
The sea of pastel roses that Eve chose
As it will never decompose
The roses will bloom forever
Which puts me in admiration in how it’s wonderfully clever
Because despite them having thorns that harm me, it’s what also brings out their beauty
It’s what also makes the garden smell strangely fruity…
Each rose had a purpose as they were not picked at random
They are being strongly protected by the hands of Adam
But my fate turns its head around
And what a sight I see as my eyes take a pound
A field of darkness...something like an empty void
It’s something I always tried to avoid
Because that field unfortunately is actually mine
I believe there is no more time
All of the beauty of the Garden of Wisdom has withered
My garden looks like it just went through a blizzard
Filled with disappointments, I left the two fields with a sad sigh
I guess there could be more than what meets the eye
Oh how cruel my reality is compared to His, how cruel can my reality be?
One more day, is what I tell myself with hope that I can now finally live a lively life...but honestly... when can I be free?

August 1, 2017

Hello...hello, is anyone out there?
I’m drowning from my tears
I’m trying my best to reach the elysian paradise
But it’s no use
I’m down deep in the waters
I’m almost reaching to the bottom, which is what I fear
Love is such poison to me
When I need it, Cupid’s bow hits someone else so I can suffer
Love is not kind to me
It leads me into a dark pit
Love makes me want to crave more
For them to show affection to me
To pay attention to me
To hold me
To reassure me
To tell me that all will be okay
Love comes in many ways
Yet it does not deliver to ones who have felt they no longer deserve it, no matter how much they need it
It’s too late
Is it?
Will the blind doves be able to see?
Will I have a chance?
Will there be a time when someone will lend me their hands…
And pull me out of despair?
Will I be able to experience the pure warmth from love?
Will that one day ever come?
Then I shall wait for that day when I can say what others say…
We came
We saw
We loved
But until then, I stay asleep in the deep sea
Waiting for the day, for I will be awaken…
When my borders are broken down due to the overwhelming amount of true care and love
When I break my chains off that hold me down
Is when I will become true to myself
And to you
So please be kind to me
For I am trapped

There are days that make me wanna burst out of happiness
Those little things that please my soul
When the sun gently wraps around me
When the moon comforts me
When the sky takes my breathe away
When the calming waters take away my stress
When the leaves and flowers fall and grow so I can start fresh
When snowflakes travel with me to feel safe
When the rain washes away the pain
And when I can genuinely feel happy
Once I feel the sincerity
It’s time when I want to cry out of joy
It’s been too long
The people who I surround myself
Those that make me happy
Those who motivate me
My days are not always filled with laughter
My time could be running out soon
I may be young, but I honestly don’t know how much I have left
When more than half of your whole body has been consumed by monsters and fears
I then feel that my love has begun to slowly run out because it’s given to the wrong people
Or that it’s not enough to wrap someone like a warm blanket
But there are days where I felt more than just a fragile being
Honestly I love those that give me such happiness and reassurance
The small kisses, hugs, laughter, and smiles
I love it all
I want to fully embrace it
Just like the life I’m given
Because just me living for many days that are filled with sorrow and few that are happy
It’s the simplicity with a little sprinkle of craziness, is what does it for me
A lovely memory
Is what makes it enough
But that’s just me

July 15, 2017
Athazagoraphobia: The fear of forgetting , being forgotten or ignored, or being replaced

That word explains one of my greatest fears
The one that constantly makes me burst into tears
Maybe it’s just me and my habit of overthinking
Overthinking…
The only thing I do
It’s what makes me split into two
Because the other side of me feels that there’s more being offered to me from life
But the other wants to drag me down and isolate myself from others because I felt like I’m living a lie
My fear is eating me slowly, piece by piece as it is not a race
Being forgotten like the past that everyone wants to erase
Being ignored like the plants that want to grow but couldn’t be showered with love
Being neglected like the old toys that kids shove into a corner, because the new ones are the only one that they speak of
I have people around me that feel like they are doing their best for me
But I’m selfish and I want more because my boarders are harder to knock down than just finding something like a key
The borders that were built up so strong filled up insecurities, disappointments, and fears
Funny, I already feel my future will just be overflowed with a couple of beers
Maybe light a few cigarettes on cold nights
And take a risk of sitting on high heights
Because within these walls that I build, I feel that the only two people left are the Devil and I
Telling me that it’s time to go and die
That I can’t be here no longer
Time is up and all will not be any better
I give him no reply…
Not because I am shy
But because I have killed my inner self to start anew at least three times already
I’m here, still alive today
Even if I constantly feel the fear of being ignored, it’s okay
There will always be a bay
Filled with people that have no walls
Where I can feel a sense of belong, loved, cared and with them I can stand tall
Although the fear always kicks in to my stomach, my face, my soul, and mind
I’ll be on my grind
Because that other part of me is still fighting and believes there’s so much more
I’ll then start myself for being the reason that I will fight for
I’ll go against my demon and start a war
As I have stood and roared
Because I’m sick of the walls that restrict not only me, but the people who genuinely love me for who I am
That fear that can easily think that it could conquer me, is wrong because I am no simple lamb
Once I have finished my battle
I will then go around and make my words rattle
Hoping that I will one day be able to help others
So I can help bring more colours
Into the lives of many, by starting with me sharing my own story
I want myself and others to not worry
But I don’t want to get ahead of myself as I still have a long way to go
I still need to spiritually and mentally grow and know
That as of now, I lift my chin up and smile
It’s of time that I try to change my lifestyle
So here I go again…
May my happiness contain with lovely and fond memories that will always make me feel like I have something to gain

June 16, 2017
My love is not that simple and shall not be something that is easy to belittle
It is the bright lights that prance gracefully around when going on long walks throughout the city
It is what gives people life and will not leave them with a heart that was shot by a pistol
It is not used to pity
It is the bright blue moon that shines brightly on those that wish to stand out on a dark and rainy night
To bring out the glistening eyes, silky smooth skin, soft hair, and sweet essence that emits from the neck that I am addicted to
Tick tock, time was beginning to feel tight
Patience was not a virtue of mine, but I was waiting for the sincere love to come out of
the blue from you
My love is not that simple and shall not be something that is easy to belittle
It is the kisses that the sun gives when you go outside to sit
It is just like a beautiful song being played by a fiddle
The type of love that roars to many hearts that are in need and those who crave for it
The love that comes out of me, is what makes up your desired fantasy
Even the living dead would be able to soar because of my love
The love that restored your sanity
Just like good times when we would be surrounded by doves
My love is not that simple and shall not be something that is easy to belittle
During those cold nights when the moon yearns for the clean and clear aqua sea
I’m not sure why I want to taste your sweet love, even if it is just a little
I barely know you and you barely know me
My love is the fine red wine that your lips touch whenever you have a horrible day
Leaving my deep red marks onto your mouth, which can make you speechless
Just like when Pygmalion made Galatea, I want you to create a new me and let me show great affection towards you, so please come my way
I promise that if you return my feelings, my love will never make you dreamless
My love is not that simple and shall not be something that is easy to belittle
This portion is dedicated to the one that made mirrors scream as they shattered when my love was being abused
You think I am a simple woman, but I have bones that do not easily become fragile and brittle
I despise you, because my heart was bruised
However, the damages have been made and I have healed because I have learned that my love is not a simplicity that is ignored
I have been made stronger than before
My heart is now wiser and can protect me like the pen and the sword
And for my new future lover, I will meet you at the shore
My love is not simple and shall not be something that is easy to belittle