I’m crazy.
I’m obsessive.
I’m anxious.
I’m depressed.
Those are words I would use to describe myself if someone asked me to.
No one cares or asks me what’s going on in my head.
It’s because I’m chaotic and normal people don’t know what to say.
If I’m being honest, my everyday life feels like a nightmare.
I think about death and it plagues my every move.
It’s like my head is a hot air balloon and there are ropes in my body, tied to my heart, keeping myself in place.
I feel way too much and I will never know how to stop that.
I can try as hard as I want to control the emotions that leak out of my heart like spilled milk but I can’t.
Because I’m tired of running from my fears and my problems. I’m tired of acting like I’m okay.
Why can’t I be loved just because of my mental illness?
Everyone always acts like it’s such a heavy burden to carry around but why can’t everyone just feel like me?
Because not everyone is that deep.

I'll thrice kiss
your wrist. It's
the only way

I can know
that you'll be
okay. I promise

it will help.
Kiss Kiss Kiss,
Kiss your wrist.

Kissing my wrist.
1. 2. 3
times. I should

be good for
a few hours.
Then repeat again.

Stumb- stumbling stumble
over ov ov
stumbling over over

over over over
stumbling ov over
my over my

words. Every time
I try to
speak to you.

Kiss, 2, 3.
Now I won't
accidentally hurt you.

Picking at my
skin, pinching, frowning.
Cutting each and

every bite into
a perfect cube.
A PERFECT cube.

Into the car.
Kiss, kiss, kiss.
Now I won't

be in another
car accident. But!
Don't forget, don't

forget. Do it
again to be
sure. You have

to or else
you'll get hurt.
Hurt your family.

Hurt someone else's
family. Break apart
a whole life.

I can count
every single calorie
I have eaten

today without even
looking at the
label. I can

taste and tell
you which artificial
sugar is in

my energy drink.
But! I only
drink the ones

with guarana extract.
It's all natural,
so at least

kinda better, right?
FREEZE! Here comes
a new thought.

What if I
suddenly ran out
into traffic, got

hit by a car,
and traumatized someone.
Or, consider, if

I went to
a theme park,
and just jumped

out in front
of a roller
coaster, horribly traumatizing

a whole train
of children. A
huge explosion of

blood and brains.
Don't do it,
don't do it,

Don't do it,
don't, don't, don't
It's a thought.

It doesn't control
you. It doesn't.
Let it go.

Kiss kiss kiss.
Kiss, 2, 3.
Kissing my wrist.

I will protect you with all my might

Whatever I say you will do

I will hug you in the evening

You will feel better for a little while

I will give you solutions

But I will also create the problems

I will tell you my opinions

But they will be so irrational you will think you lost it

I will be your bliss and your torture

I will be you
and you will be me

but

I will not exist

You will be alone

It feels like my stomach is turning the inside out.
It feels like my brain goes dark like the whole world is crashing down on me.

I am broken and I mean that in every imaginable way.
It feels like this huge dark hole is consuming me alive and I don't have any power over it.

It controls me. It controls my thoughts.
My actions.
It controls my life and every time I try to walk away it pulls me right back.

And I have tried so many times but it feels like I'm screaming from the very bottom of my toes to the top of my lungs.

Like I'm screaming and nobody hears me.
It feels like I'm losing myself to the sleepless nights cause the nightmares won't stop.