I'm fighting demons in my head.

It fights me and straps me to my bed.

It's weird. It's really strange,

that this feeling will never change.


I can't give up just yet. Not now.

I'll keep going, though I don't know how.

I'll find a way to get rid of this thing.

Even if it hurts. Even if it'll sting.


And though I know I may never win,

I will never give up. I will never give in.

Death can bite my shiny metal...
It can fall off my thoughts like a petal
And let go of my family tree.

O' please, let my loved ones be,
And the sea of darkness set free
So that i can sleep in peace

And wake with all my pieces.
This life is but a simple lease,
time that I'd like to extend

Push away the invevitable end
That dooms us all to bend
To our knees  and weep.

Foolish
Really how did I not know
Every feeling I have towards you is a reflection of something within myself

Of course I don't trust you
I have nothing but doubt for myself
My own thoughts contradict one another
I'm afraid to be proud

I can't remember the last time I felt unabashedly proud
I can remember silently rejoicing straight faced after scoring a goal in a soccer game
Brushing off my teammates cheers and shouts

I can remember trying to let my friends know
I'm just a good test taker
That good grades don't equate to intelligence
Subtly depreciating my own source of pride

Too afraid to have ownership
Of any talent or skill
I'd rather halt progress than be granted attention
I'd rather lose all my skills than have superiors with high expectations

So you shouldn't expect me, really
To be capable of loving you
I'll give too much or too little
But I'll never quite be sure you really love me

I've never been in love
though I write of it a lot
I haven't gotten a special someone sent from above
and if I'd ever gotten feelings, I wouldn't take a shot
because I'm not the person I write about being
but it is the person I hope to be
writing is my way of fleeing
my sad and lonely reality

I write about catching feelings
but it's only happened just one time
though it wasn't too appealing
it could've been because I'm still in my prime,
although I don't think I really liked him even from the start
he wasn't like the dream boys I'd write about
and when I lost those feelings it didn't break my heart
he had seemed like something I could simply live without

I've never had a boyfriend
even if my poems tell you differently
I'm not sure who I'll spend my days with till the end
and the people I write of are those I wish I had, coincidently
though I don't wish to have one
at least not now, I think I'm far too young
and most girls I know already have it said and done
but I wouldn't want a relationship so soon sprung

I've never hugged a boy
at least not in a romantic kind of way
I've never met one that made me feel that type of joy
but I'm not caught up in that kind of cliche
I have time to wait for one who's sweet
I'm not in too much of a rush
sometimes I do wish to be swept off my feet
but so far, none have really made me fall, but only blush

so no I haven't been in love
though I write of it a lot
because its something one can dream of
and yes, I wish I've known what that feels like, but no, I have not


© L.F.