Summer after our senior year
The best days of our lives
The best parties
The best dreams
The best memories

It was supposed to be
The best days of our lives

Not enough was done
Not enough was said
Not enough was together

Together
Together we’ve laughed
Together we’ve hugged
Together we’ve dreamed
Together we’ve believed
Together we’ve loved

Together doesn’t last forever

The best days of our lives
Were spent apart

The best days of our lives
Were spent away

The best days of our lives
Are gone

These were supposed to be
The best days of our lives

You rumble gently,
slightly shifting
what was ground,
my feet on it, next to yours,
we tour debris of before,
no looking down at dust,
detritus, not now, not for us,
no time at this time,
for us.

When she asks about me,
Tell her everything, let the truth break, yet simultaneously heal her.
Tell her how I stayed too long, and gave you too many chances.
Tell her how I stayed up at night  painting all your red flags white, hoping to parley, but always surrendering.
Tell her about the night we met, and the last goodbye.
Tell her everything you never told me, why you stayed so long, but left so quickly.

I yearn to grow and float away
As petals do in the wind
Follow the air
And follow my heart.
I don’t know where I’m going
But I know I will land.

My roots hold me back
Crawling up my frame and pulling me down
Chained
To the earth where I
Started to bloom.

Maybe I’m a lotus.
Dormant in one spot
Being used only when needed.
Blossoming and folding back up
Into myself
its the only home that’s
Permanent.

Earth,
Give me a push in the right direction.
Move the currents and tides
So I can float downstream.
Exhale your winds on my petals
Spinning in the air
Falling towards a new home
Starting my own roots.
I don’t know where I’m going
But I know I will land
Someday

why do I write when I’m sad?
how do I express emotions when they aren’t bad?
I’ve got my mind turned off and my ghost is asleep
I replaced him with my soul and traded love for spontaneity
a disembodied existence
incorporeity

value connection and protection
but never hold your words
they escape the weak grip of your promises like hummingbirds
premises of sobriety and vandalizing the heart of your lover
games and rules we never follow
declare yourself the oracle of Apollo

villains of the world and ink in your skin
tell ourselves we practice deadly sin
reflection in the mirror and that wicked look you carry
they know you’re not here to Hail Mary

abuse with no release
I feel sorry for them and you’re not a masterpiece
prove it with marks on my neck
show you the bruise on my thigh
I’ve finally escaped your high

If we had the ability to relive our memories,
The world would be filled with more broken hearts

To the woman who took me on as an extra grandkid when I lost my grandma and never got to say goodbye
I am sorry I couldn't say goodbye to you too.

To the woman who assured me I wasn't a failure and I could do anything I set my mind to
I am sorry I can't be strong right now.

To the woman i lived with for three years
I am sorry I haven't stopped by to visit again.


My heart is so heavy right now
without you I am struggling to breathe.


And even though I hate hugs, I grew to love your hugs.

Rest in Peace Mrs. Houde.

What I've learned from moving from place to place is that time goes by fast, you gotta enjoy what you have and who you are with, because things change and who knows what the future holds, an accident can happen or someone could die or even I could die. I don't want to live a life full of "what if's" and regrets, do you? Always keep in mind nothing remains the same.