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Kai Nov 11
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I'm so ******* tired of overthinking
I'm so tired of everything
It isn't fair
Am I just a narcissist?
Am I someone that isn't interesting at all?
Please tell me
I'm trying to change myself to be more acceptable
What can I do
To please you?
I'M TRYING
PLEASE ACCEPT THAT

It is tiring when I have to listen to someone I dislike rant to me everyday
I'm tired of crying
I'm tired from school
I'm tired of drawing
I'm tired from crocheting
I'm tired of everything
Except writing my own thoughts
Emotions
Emotions I can't even detect well enough for my own sanity
Yet the strongest ones are stressed
And tired

I'm trying to adapt to other people
Like I'm an alien from another planet
Everything feels so new
Yet I feel so old
And rusty
I feel so weird
Disgusting
Grimy
I don't take care of my body well
I torture it
I hate my low self-esteem
I hate it so much
I wish I was carefree
Just like my sister
I know this might just be a phase in life
But it feels like a phase of hell

Chúa ơi...
Just release me already
From this hell
I'm begging you
An uncalled vent, but I invited it here because I needed it. I just need a long break.
Kai Nov 5
Nudes, that's what you wanted me to send you
I didn't want to disappoint, so I sent them to you
I was only 11-12
I looked as small as a elf
You were high
Yet, your parents nor did anyone bat an eye
You were 13
I was dating a teen
Who made me feel like looks were what only mattered
You made my life shattered
Even more than it was already
To face the treatment I received
I was deceived
I thought you were going to treat me nice
But all you handed me was a piece of ice
Covered in a sugar coating
But it was slowly rotting
Since day one
You were that someone
That I truly loved
You were that person that I trusted

Nudes were all you wanted
To ****, were all you wanted
I was scared - uncomfortable
So all I put on the table
Was a photo of my upper body without my shirt and only my bra
It made me uncomfortable with just my bra
Though, I didn't want to disappoint
I wish that I could've made a point
That I was still young
Way too young
To do that

I've realized I committed a crime
Without getting a single dime
Out of it
I hated every single second of it
All I wanted was to be loved
And all you wanted was me to be ******
By you
You wanted me to be underneath you

You ***** *******
I keep thinking about it
All the moments
On all months
How did I like someone like you?
Someone as perverted like you?
You're disgusting
You're revolting
You're so lucky I haven't told your mother about anything you did and said
Now that I think about it, I should tell her about all the things you did and said
Your actions can make your life a living hell
And I'll make it even worse than hell
I hope your life becomes shattered
Just like you shattered
Mine.
I hate it. This poem is about my perverted ex(again). He already knew I was going through a really bad episode, yet he continued to do that. He promised he'd stop, yet he didn't. I hate him.
Kai Nov 4
I'm your loyal dog
And you're my ruling God
I find it quite odd
It sends my brain into a bog
I can't stop following your orders
YOUR ORDERS
The curse, the spell you casted onto me to obey you
I'm your only servant
The loyal servant forced to be observant
I've been praying for you
Even if you treat me like trash
Even if you're the wind and I'm the ash

After a while, you grew tired of me
You abandoned me
You threw me away
Just so that way
You released that curse you placed on me
Just to be adopted by someone else
Just to get cursed by someone else
I barely got a break from all the abuse
From all the use
Yet, they thought I was so oblivious
Just like you thought I was so oblivious
They thought I was so cute - adorable, naïve, thoughts just like you
Why does everyone act like you?
My God?
It's so odd
I feel like I'm stuck in a time loop
Stuck in all the goop

I feel like I'm just a foot rest you can use
I feel like I'm just a puppet you can use
I feel like a young slave you can use
I'm over here working my *** off
Just so you can have work off
Just so you can have a vacation
While I live in caution
Scared of everything
Every single thing
A single curse that lasts forever. It's a curse that lasts for a long time. A tiresome curse I wish to end.
Kai Oct 28
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
Sorry. Please forgive me for everything wrong I've done. Please forgive me from my mistakes. I'm sorry.
Kai Oct 25
I don't know if I should trust you
It's true
You give me deja vu
You made me second guess myself
You made me question if I should tell you the truth about myself

You make me cautious about my words
Scared that I'll slip up my words
You make me think that life is a chess game
One wrong move and I lose the game
I got to move my pieces wisely
To not move my pieces truthfully
Kai Oct 25
It's lonely, but I'm okay with it
I want my hoodie strings back
I want my cords back
I ******* hate myself so much
Why won't I just jump off a cliff?
That would be so much better
People treat me like air, so why would they care?
Exactly
They won't
When will I get in therapy?
It's been so long
I want to be in therapy or in a mental hospital
It'll help me so much
I want to overdose, or suffocate myself
It would be such a pleasure
Seeing a burden like me die
Die and go to the pits of hell
Suicide awareness.
Kai Oct 24
People surround me
They have a different energy than me
They drain me
They make me mentally exhausted
Too exhausted
To the point where I want to lock myself up
To the point where I don't want to wake up

I'd rather rot in my bed
Just to not be called "Special Ed"
Just to not feel pain
Again
So I don't get hurt again
So I don't get shamed again
So I don't get drained again
So I don't have to be anymore insecure
So I can feel secure
While rotting away in my bed
While the depressive thoughts evacuate my head
Kai Oct 22
I speak
Within a squeak
With others around me
So they can hear me
But they do not
Like, they forgot
That I existed
Like, I never coexisted
With them
Like, I'm speaking to a wall
If you're tired of me
Then just say that to me
I'll manage to change myself
Just so I can feel good about myself
Just for you,
Anything for you.
I'm so tired of being ignored and just listening to others. It's so tiring. I just want to isolate myself and take a break from everything. It makes me want to take a break from life forever.
Kai Oct 19
You told me your name
Then played me into your game
You made me think that you loved me
But all you wanted was to **** me
Over
And over
And over again
Which brings me emotional pain
You gave me your hints
You even told me your hints
I decided not to be open-eared
And you because the person I feared

You only liked me because of my body and part of my personality
You just made it seem like you just wanted my speciality
I should've avoided you
I should've cut all connections with you
From you ******* someone
To impregnating and abandoning that someone
I should've known the signs were bad
But I couldn't because you were sad

Everything went downhill after that
I was flat
Dull
Within a bull
I always had to comfort you when you were the one supposed to comfort me
Your hands were leeched onto me
I couldn't get a second without you
Every single second felt like I was forced to talk to you
You always made me so tired
So drained
I couldn't even talk to my friends because of how drained I was
All because,
Of you
I was getting so mentally sick because of you
To the point of getting the rope
Hoping you wouldn't ****
Me in the after life

We were only so young
Your words only stung
I was only eleven
You were thirteen
It was too young to get exposed to mature topics
Too mature topics

I'm glad we don't talk anymore
Now I don't have to suffer anymore
I hope no one else has to suffer because of you
Only because of you
Kai Oct 16
I feel so empty
Nothing is real
People say it's not that big of a deal
But it is
It's something you cannot miss
It lives with me everyday
It feels like a fever dream everyday
It's hard to live with
People may think it's a myth
It's really not
It's just like a knot
It's annoying
It's overwhelming

It often makes me wanna cry
But sometimes makes me want to die
It often leaves me questioning if life is real or not
It makes my brain form into a knot
It's so confusing
It's so overwhelming
I can never ground myself
I don't know how to cope with myself

The "fever dream" makes life so cloudy
It almost makes me look lousy, or drowsy
It makes me think if I'm high or drunk
Or if my body was in a trunk
It's like I have a 0.5x filter constantly running
It feels like after I got done hyperventilating

Is this a poor way of my body coping?
From all the groping?
From all the manipulation?
From all the exploitation?
I'm so tired of this fever dream. Why can't I wake up?
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