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Julia Nov 2019
my neckbones decayed
from lack of use
but I didn’t mind
if my head could lay
blissfully in your lap

you melted away
leaving my mind
to rot in mud
like the texture
of dependence

I will grow new bones
in a garden long neglected
teeming with life
just waiting for light
once buried
out of fear
I might **** it

I will bloom
with a new sense of self
of my prolific potential
with head held high
by homegrown bones
I will never let die again
Julia Nov 2019
Something inside
wears a devilish smirk,
mocking my healthy living.

It’s seen this cycle
many times before,
but life’s not that forgiving.

Smiling because
it knows my truth
whispering in my ear,

your pleasure lies
in pain my friend,
this act is insincere.

Get up early,
eat an apple,
run a mile or two.

Unless you wipe
me off your heart
self-worth will not accrue.

You don’t believe,
not yet I know,
from here it’s plain to see.

Because I am doubt,
the thing that shouts,
you’re destined for misery.
Julia Nov 2019
Then, out of nowhere,
I sat up in the dark
and started to sing
soft notes unnamed
giving and taking
just enough air
to reverberate
my heart
and muster
my soul
until silently singing
I headed for the door.
Julia Oct 2019
Did you know I’m brave?
Did you know I’m caring?
Did you know I’m extraordinary?

I’d like to cash these in.
I’d like a payout.
I’d like something in return.

Did you know I’m weak?
Did you know I’m pathetic?
Did you know I’m ungrateful?

I’d like to be punished.
I’d like to be held accountable.
I’d like to bleed away my guilt.

If you’re still listening,
I’d like to know what it is
that I truly deserve.
I’d like to feel free from worrying
that I’m taking too much,
Or not enough,
Or too much,
Or not enough
Julia Oct 2019
It didn’t happen overnight,
It was nightly,
In the dark.
Festering in the day,
Guilty in the sun,
Hidden under smiles,
Masked in the noise,
Owned by the owner,
Used by the user,
Fed by the feeder.
Listened to
Cared for
Until you believed that it mattered.
It doesn’t matter.
You do.
Darren Oct 2019
Creeping up
A silent foe
Breaking him down
Nice and slow

Crushing all
Hopes and dreams
Bravery fading
silent screams

Fighting on
War and peace
Just to get
A partial release

A little confidence
Suddenly lost,
One step forwards
The ultimate cost

Walls built
A safe distance
Hiding the world
From his existence

A man in a cave
Keeping away
Building the courage
To battle today

Invisible injury
A runaway train
Mental illness
Significant pain

It's how it's perceived
Colleagues find…
It hard to believe

Trauma consumes
His fragile mind
He seeks a spot
That's hard to find

Lack of remorse
Absent support
Pushing him
To obvious thoughts

Away from the public
Away from the noise
Away from the world
He said his goodbyes

Discovered alone
Discovered too late
Discovered the body
Discovered his fate

Tears shed
Guilt ridden hearts
Talking history
Picking him apart

Lack of due care
Former colleague...

Empty chair

By Darren Wall
It's World Mental Health Day today. I have changed an old poem that speaks from the heart. Although I have never had the intention, I have seen the damage it can have on families.

I'm grateful that the world acknowledges Mental Health each year, but this illness should not be confined to a day. Awareness, support, empathy and understanding should be instilled in us all every single day.

Colleagues, friends and family. We need to support each other to reduce the number of suicides in the world.

Speak up, communicate and prevent the trauma affecting the families that lose someone they love.

Take care all ***
Stephanie Oct 2019
Her gaze steady, without blinking she exhales the words as if she's been holding her breath...
"You have generalized anxiety, major depressive disorder, panic disorder, and a touch of OCD"
She looks at me curiously as if she's just let out a terrible secret and is waiting for me to freak out
Unable to read my expression, her concerned voice cuts through a faint ringing in my head,  "How does that make you feel?"
Relieved?  - my erratic behavior has a name, well name(s), naming your demons renders them powerless..right?
Hopeless? - the way she reads the disorders like reading off a grocery list, so many diagnoses, how could i not be a lost cause?

Fast forward to every relationship I will ever have with another person.
I usually end up apologizing, as if I’m hurting them with my slightly crooked smile and fingers that won’t stop tapping
He asks me "Why are you like this? What's wrong? How can I help?"
(I'm exhausted from trying to pick apart which diagnoses I'm battling at the very moment someone asks "What's wrong?")
So I default to ambiguity -  I shrug and I tell him "I don't know, I'm just sad...or something."
jeristorms Sep 2019
Pad and pen,
here are Casey’s thoughts again...

Driving down the highway, Jason is strapped in because Casey’s in denial again. She doesn’t want to lose her little one.

Wake up Casey, you’re dreaming. He’s gone.
You drove under the influence.
What’s wrong with you?  
This is what you get. He’s never coming back.

Driving silent like a mime with its mouth sewn shut.
You’re just like a mime, living in a black and white world.
You’re gray matter Case.
You’re a nut-case.
Where’d you put your straight jacket?

You hit your brakes to assure Jason will be safe.
Convinced that at every intersection there’s a conspiracy against you,
sure to get hit.

But Casey, it’s too late. This is what you get.
He’s never coming back.

Why’d you have to reach for more?

Lock her up.
Strap her in.

Casey's off the deep end... again.
Mentally ill.
Saloni mann Sep 2019
My therapist once told me that-" You are lucky, because you are aware of your problems. You know where you stand and what is troubling you. You also have the ability to explain what Haunted you last night and that is difficult. You also seem aware about what you want out of your life. Your idea of an end result maybe blurred but you are aware of it. "
I sometimes wonder that Most people do not even know what is killing them constantly but they are still living their life. Most people are unaware of their thoughts and what these thoughts mean to them . It takes them their whole life to realise that this is a problem they need to get rid of. It takes them their whole life to understand that this is creating an unhealthy pattern and they are falling prey to it with each passing day.

She also explained that-" The biggest problem you face is walking and acting on the path in between. You mess up in between and lose a sense of the beginning as well as the end. You mess up and panic and lose yourself."
It's so weird that we know that we will have to walk down a road to reach somewhere but our visions are so fainted and blurred that the answers to basic questions are far fetched.
We are often surrounded by several Questions like;
which road to walk upon?
What direction to choose on the road?
Whether to follow the busy road or the road less taken?
What is my destination?
Do I even want to walk right now or just relax and put myself back together?
Do I really want to walk upon this road?
Am I choosing a life I always wanted to live?
Am I ready to accept all the hardships that are coming  my way?
Would I be content and satisfied after giving my all to something?
It's okay to not know the answer of each and every question that comes your way, it's okay to not be able to choose a direction for yourself and decide whether you will be content with it or not.
But it is always important to come in contact with your inner conscience and make yourself aware about you.
It is important to understand your problems and help yourself understand that you are required to eliminate them because they may **** you. Self acceptance is difficult but it is the best gift you give yourself.
Abigail Jul 2019
With each passing hour I grow more cynical
More accepting of my death
And more accepting of our synthetic world
How can I preserve the sweetest part of me?
My innocence?
I cannot

I’d cross seas
I’d battle warriors
I’d climb mountains
If I knew that there was hope for me
Hope for my soul, but
There is not

So I float
Hoping the waters at least take me painlessly  
Please drown me
Please leave me numb and unmoved
I submit myself to drowning
Maybe then and only then
My soul will rest
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