What were we?
A huge mess tied in a bow?
But I loved you so much it hurt
When I had to let you go.

that i cry when i don’t want to
and can’t when i do
that people think i’m fine
when that’s so far from the truth
that i smile and laugh
at school during the day
but alone at night
want to cut my troubles away
that i have friends who care
when i either can’t or won’t
that they love me unconditionally
even when i don’t

Will I ever be able to trust you again
If admitting what you did
Was not in your plan?

Let me smash
Let me smash
Let me have a slice of that ***.

Diseased turnip
Rooting in the dirt
Rotting fodder
Unpicked
Untapped
Gnarled and bitter
Lying under your bridge
When you are gone
No-one will miss your rancid rag


© 2019 MJL

It hurts on the inside
Hiccuping crying
Screaming inside and wanting to outside
Saying things we didn't mean
But you never said sorry
Only me
It hurts like a stab wound left to rot
The scar will stay of what you said
Tears have gone dry
So have my emotions
Left drained and withered
I have nothing to say
Just a hurt on the inside.
An endless pain
That you are not sorry for
Cause you meant everything

you're a ****-no-good-fool-liar as my mother would've called you,
          and by god i was the fool who knew.
i almost loved you--once, when we were younger kids still,
          when the girl of your dreams turned you down,
          and i asked you for a date.
even now i'm not really surprised by what you did.

you were the first boy i ever kissed (not the last) and we had no idea how--
         i hesitated, and you didn't; but once there we stayed on flickers of
         endorphins and energy that i know now weren't really there.

and looking back i wonder if i was keeping you from the edge--
        you hid your drinking problem for me (not that i ever--ever--
                             (--would've shamed you for it--)
        and told me later that you never drank while we were together,
        that you were clean, that you were engrossed in me
                     and your **** musical theatre.
you didn't lie about that, but when i found you with another girl,
         when i saw the way your eyes dropped to your feet and swelled with
         tears you didn't deserve to cry?
i left you, and i didn't regret it.

i never have.
i wonder, dear, if you're drowning in your lies the same way you used to drown in the bottle?
i hope not--but you chose to make it your problem only.

we move on--hopefully you're not sunken in your basement
        with only the flow of your hidden whiskey to keep you company.