It was the way he looked at me...
with an awkward almost visible but not there smile
the first time he said good bye
it was nice meeting you
he said
I looked for the emotion behind it
almost there , almost not.... almost only imaginable
I may never know....

It was the way he could add a smiling emoji to his texts
never using the real thing
just symbols.... in 2018...
weird yet still cool...
np.... with a symbol at the end...that became our thing...

the way you block or unsave my number whenever,
only to save it again.
and its better than any text I'd read any day
our random conversations
where I never know how far to reach
because I can only respect you.....

sitting with you.
next to you.
you interpreting things I say
you being proud of things I say to people
but not to me directly....
or the way you close one eye when you talk to me
or see me.
or the way we pretend not to see each other
sometimes
or I pretend alone.... I dont know.....

I go out and mind my business
I see you and its supposed to be a good day
but you are angry
I know..... I feel it in your tone, or how
you just cannot look me in the eye...
it pains me so to think you dont want to talk to me
or say anything at all.
I end up missing you, while standing next to you.

I like you.
I'm just confused if you do too.

I now remember the very first time I saw you.
walking down the small crowded walkway.
both of us were pushing our friends.
At least I was, because I was holding mines arm and talking to her.
You on the other hand had friends around you.
But all you cared for was your phone.
One accidental meeting.

I knew I'd seen the most handsome guy in my uni.
I went back to my room and told all my friends.
They thought it was a lie.... that I exaggerated.

The next time I saw you was at a uni rally.
You were not actively involved even.
You just stood at the side lines and looked on.
I showed my roommate the handsome guy.
Weirdly she knew you....
But when we walked up to you, she said hello.
And you answered only her, you didn't see the other girl.
The one who almost collapsed from standing next to you.
You were even more handsome in day light.

Last night I saw you again.
Now I remember what that felt like again.
My heart stopped when I saw you.
And when you reached out to hug me this time.
I thought my heart would burst from pumping so fast.
You are still the most handsome guy I ever saw....
And when you walked me to my bus and made sure I got in.
I thought you'd turn around and walk away.
But you were standing at my window.....
Our parting was a peace sign..... and I pray this time again,
its not our good bye.