Intelligence brings a strange mixture of
laughter & worry, lonely for
sure.
With no one to consult with, confessions
made to abandoning priests, art
as refuge, nothing to return to, utter
a lonely person. Gutted & lonely,
hanging from the tree of life.

Do I want you?
I know you want me,
But do I want you to?

You're gorgeous and fun
Whilst I'm silent
Ready to turn away and run

Has it been too long?
Am I too far gone?
Because I can't hold on,
To this neverending sad song

Sometimes
I find
Myself
In the
Middle of
Nowhere...

I want to sink into myself
Deep into my veins
Be held by this warm blood
Turn myself inside out
And never see light again

And while I walk
Skin reverted
I will cross paths with
Faces of horror
And I will be happy
Because finally
I will know why
They elude me

In a universe where nothing could be everything
and everything could be nothing
I wake up blinded by the sun and my weak eyes struggle to conform
but her power desires me

In a universe where silence can ring ears
and actual sirens can calm them
My engine rustles with promise as I drive down the unpaved road
I am cement, and spill out of my windows into the potholes as I pass
Shadows of trees fold over behind me as outlines of roofs emerge
one day I’ll drive and count them all

In a universe where we worship time
but it repays by pilfering our youth
I make out silhouettes through the strands of my ***** hair
Your tie taunts me, perched confidently on the base of your neck
My fears in the flesh, enveloped in dark eyes and strong posture
one day I’ll face him eye to eye  

In a universe where we long for love
but company deludes us
I eat dinner alone at a table for six
and stare longingly through one of my three big windows
My mom probably called but my phone’s been on silent
one day I’ll get free time and call her back

In a universe where nothing could be everything
and everything could be nothing
My pillow steals my thoughts for the closing hours of the night
and I ponder on how much of me it’ll return when I wake up in the morning

Solipsism
(10.16.2020)
—adrianatamara