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DIARY ENTRY, EIGHT
By darcy prince

Today I bought some protein powder, which is the first time doing so. I’m a vegetarian, for a while I was eating chicken, as long as it was well-cooked. But I can’t remember the last I had any. I take fish oil, most of the time, twice a day. My other ways of getting protein now, mainly boiled eggs, always around six of them. If I forget to boil some, it’s fried eggs. I don’t eat yokes. I normally boil them early in the afternoon, then go off for the rest of my day, leaving them in the fridge until evening. Because of the heat & my apparent time constrict, is why I cooked them & left them to cool, by the time it’s time for dinner, the eggs have cooled down. I am actually looking over videos to it, how to make them, ways to take them, etc. Which I should have done prior. But since I don’t eat meat, it is worth a try. Expensive. But you get a lot for what you pay for. But it is a part of my weight loss journey. Which has been a back & forth this year. Even though I’ve been told so many times that I’m not fat. I just think I wasn’t healthy, that's all. Yes, for aesthetic reasons I am searching for, maybe a Greek ecstasy. Maybe some attention to. Since my last entry, I have talked about dating again. More so asking a crush out. I still think it won’t go well. In about 90 mins, I am going for a walk. If it’s not for health, do it for attention, but it’s worth giving it a go. It’s a little of my NoFap journey or in other words, getting to know myself again.

See what happens, I’m actually more curious to see if I’ll stick to the protein powder things. I am worried about the sugar content & learning another way besides mixing it with milk. Which has both high levels or sugar & fat. My landlord asked me why I never took any. Asking when coming home with a new container of fish oil. Which I had never thought of. I mean, I saw them around the shops selling, etc. Walking around the shops, I saw a container on sale, for why not. On the way, I realize how I'm supposed to take it? When to take it? Etc. With all that fun stuff.

Oh to the experiences I’ve missed out on, by not being tall, thin & attractive.

I don’t think people are interested in my idiots, food things & body image problems. Which is always an issue, sometimes any underlying shame that's trauma prone comes in when one is an adult, you’re more aware & have the skill to correct but those emotions in feeling the issues hits all at once, leaving one cripplyong.

My smoking hasn't been the best. I’m still in the habit of every two or three days, I’ll smoke an entire pack & go out to buy another one, by the end of it, the second pack, at least half of it’s gone. The virtue of humanity is on such a slow rise to the top, it’s so hard to do, yet such a struggle to do so, as vice seems so normal & effortless to do. Being into moral philosophy, I could spend that money, time, whatever on so many other things. I seem to never be able to swing into the mood to do anything about it. This is where some of my personal shame comes from, realizing for the first time how much youth is wasted on the young. I’m sure I’m looking forward to having a rock bottom in this area, I wonder what will actually trigger it? Maybe the actual habit of having it or my lack of financial skill is the cause why I’m single. I know there is dignity in the effort.

My thinking will be the death of me. I know better, or at least the awareness I could do better. My actions do not follow that.

Though if you’re asking me, sweets, chocolates, whatever would be taken out of school, a legal age for fast food, higher taxes for such companies that produce such food items, so-on. It does seem hard to get healthier, to lose weight, to be somewhat aesthetically pleasing once you age. Not all of it is the result of not being able to, just a biological part of life. Those self-help gurus who fail to throw out either of anything negative are maladjusted people, failing to connect the knowledge of a healthy lifestyle to someone’s emotions & economic access. We're in a culture where it’s cheaper to buy chocolate than it is to buy fruit. Chocolate for comfort rather than a one off pleasurable treat. Fruit for the body to fuel the mind but displayed for health nuts. Is the show ‘The Biggest Loser’ still a thing? It's an entire societal thing. My weight gain in my adult year is really up to me. At least I know the difference between McDonals to a fruit shop. For what alone is a part of my own doing. If I adopt that sort of all-time positive thinking as those self-proclaimed guru’s, I indirectly flee from reality, to elicit a community where nothing could ever possibly go wrong. It’s not solely a matter of being sexually attractive in the eyes of other people, but by simply supporting local fruit shops, I’ve provided a small contribution to the running of their shop & a slight chance of never having their prices go up & the healthy my body is, the more freedom the medical & scientific community is to focus on much harsher realities of life, such as mental illness & the cure to cancer. I know that seems dramatic but a large amount of truth is in it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lz9wP5zLS6A&t=166s
A Feb 2018
Hello, Anonymous,
From my internet screen,
You might be a straight guy or a screaming queen.

Hello, Anonymous,
Person I don't know,
Can you tell me why the wind must blow?

Hello, Anonymous,
In the chatroom,
For all I know, you could be a vacuum.

Hello, Anonymous,
You don't know me either,
How about we stay that way,
And we continue our chat later today?
A poem on chatrooms and the internet.
Though monetary wise,
It doesn't promise to pay
I craft poems everyday,
For instance say

'Why my dream object,
To affections mine
Is adamant to reciprocate!'

The other way round,
Though to acquaintances
Absurd, it may sound,
Some, I have to spend
My poems to newspapers
Magazines and
Websites to send!

For love of the labour,
I will never
Letup the endeavour!

There is a
Great deal of satisfaction
From sitting hours,
To put words into action,
Racking brain
And stretching imagination,
From the earth's core and crust
To the sky and firmament!

At night, when all is quiet,
Till I hit the nail
Right on the head,
I will not repair to bed!

Reading poems
Has satisfaction
No less, for it affords,
Handshakes,with poets
Of all ages,
Poets with poems
Of all colour shades.

Probably the works
Of Shakespeare
That we hold dear!
What is more,Tagore.
In my duties
I will be remiss,
If I forget  mention
Savo,Anna Akmatova,
Sara Teasdale
And Salomeja Neris.

Till getting a cherished corner
www.Allpoetry.com
www.poetrypoems.com
www.poemhunters.com
­www.hellopoetry.com
www.writeoutloud.com
www.novelcollective.com
­Ecstatic I was never!
Now I peruse the websites
Of contemporary poets,
Displaying poetical prowess!

I want to add of course
An east African voice!

Out, a poem to digest
One could make a descent
Into wisdom's pit,
So poem virgins
Why don't you go for it?

From my experience,
For uplifting poems
'Start with Helen Steiner Rice!'
It is my advice.

'It is by the brow of one's sweat
One could paint
The future with
A rosy pink,
Don't you think?

Sitting idle,
Dreaming a rose-bed
Is quite absurd!'

Reversing such mind set
Go for targets set!
First I was wondering how poets come up with astounding poems.

Then I was daydreaming of becoming a poet by some miracle.

Through reading poems, learning poetry and trying my hands on crafting poems, paying every sacrifice, now I have a book bearing a collection of poems some admire.

Not only mental exertion to be a poet one has also to out lay some probably from a modest income.

— The End —