Consuming useless videos and content
Alone in my room
To distract from the racing and hurtful
Thoughts about you
And it always works for a moment
Or a minute or more
Until the intrusive thoughts come back,
Barging down my door
I put it back up, re-***** the hinges
And shut it
And lay back down to consume more
Mindless content

A song, a memory, is all it takes
To feel what I lost, not just you
But the losses of the past two years.

And now I loose my home too,
So much so little, so few
Places I have settled,
Found my place, and now I'm rattled.

How do I let go of the things that helped me move on?
Now, I say so long.
It's another chapter, but was I ready to close the last?
To the future, observe the present, remember the past.

I want to feel known. I want to bring someone home and tell them about how my brother and I used to live in elaborate mansions in the trees.

I want to drive them around my home town and tell them of all the places I got heartbroken and all the places I ran to hide and all the places I smiled at the sun believing I could never go blind.

I want to tell them of all the friends I've had and how I miss some and am scared of others, to tell them of how theyve grown while helping me grow too.

I want to show them the home I grew up in and how I thought it was the best place in the world, surviving tornados, fires, and sadness but we lost it to the lawless.

I want to show them my birthmarks and all the constellations and myths my grandmother wrote about the stars on my skin.

I want someone to know every curve of the letters in my name. To be able to hear me in my quiet, see me in my dark, hold me in my cold, and love me in my despair.

If you could but hold me I would love you.
I would adore every little thing that you do.
My skies would forever appear much brighter.
If only you will pretend that you love me too.
If you could but kiss me I would love you.
I would gift you all finery golden and new.
My lonely world could be much less empty.
Please say you can pretend you will love me too.

Seeping through the walls,
Slamming open doors,
Her past haunts her.

Her mouth is taped shut,
With a growling gut,
Shadows taunt her.

She knows that she's here,
With nothing to fear,
Her heart ignores her.

Her lungs force air,
Trying not to stare,
She's in control now.

Scuttering away,
The shadows decay,
Back into memory.