god it hurts
to be filled with so much love
when you don’t know how to show it

in my head I can say it effortlessly
but I freeze as you’re standing in front of me

When the shadows become long and slim
Stretching over the lawn in the park
I know change of season has arrived
It accentuates the loneliness
Sadness has arrived
Like a black dog on my doorstep
Winter is near
This time will be different I think
This time I'll be strong
But am I
Or do I simply surrender to that loneliness
Outside the winter sun is alive and well
Inside my home, the smell of lavender
I guess the housekeeper must have polished the floors
I hear the cry of a bird flying overhead  
Take me with you I scream
Yet my lips have not moved
I've missed the opportunity I think
Part of me angry, part of me doesn't care
But still the shadows are there
Accompanied by a stillness in the air
And how does one hibernate when forced to live

Here alone
Far from my fellow kind
I stand by myself
But I am not lonely

Long ago I learned
Having more people in my life
Did not equate to
Having more friends

Being busier
Did not mean being more constructive
Or being more successful
That fulfillment comes from within

So now I gaze
Over a landscape filled with memories
Of family, friends and good times
I am alone, but not lonely

It’s like the only time I can see outside of this hole
Is when I’m trying to make sure others don’t see
That I’m digging it deeper
And
Deeper
And
Deeper
And falling
Further
And
Further
And
Further
Until I can’t get out

I never wipe my face when I cry

I let each salt water stream warm my cheek

Burn every tied connection between you and me

I let my tears pour over the bruised heartstrings

As if they were saline solution to a cut



I let my tears cleanse me of you

I let them blurry your image and memories we shared

Until I can’t recognize your false promises

I let my tears heat me like a furnace  

When tonight’s loneliness is too cold to bare

With these tears I can stop empty dreaming

And give you back all of your unkept “forever’s”

So tomorrow’s happiness is rewarding

Like a fresh bloom after aprils showers


I will never wipe away my tears..

And I will heal with no bandage

Here, the urban crowd,

and there, an extensive field --


I'm feeling lonely.

My heart,
Oh my woeful heart.
I explained to you that its gonna hurt and you still got hurt.
Oh my sorrowful heart.
When will you realize,
That you need to let go of the things,
that doesn't value you.

A.H