All my life I have wanted to be him
the one who was there
the one who can go fast
so fast
it was him
only him
Sonic

Gentle summer breeze riding the sky

The playful sun rising and shining in my eye

Clouds dampening the harshness of the summer sunlight

Sitting in the meadow watching seconds go by

Here in this state, in this now, in this time

We have no need to think about the world we have left by

Forget that life and all its unnecessary complexities, paradoxes and restless tides

Here is what matters

Where everything is as it is, no one has two faces nothing has two sides

Everything is laid out bare for everyone’s eyes

Here is where I belong

Because here I have found peace, but on the inside

They call this the great outdoors maybe great because this is where we were meant to be

For here I feel more at home than I have ever been

And in this vast openness I can actually hear the voice of my soul speak and sing to me

So maybe this is how things were supposed to go

And maybe just maybe we were meant to live outdoors

You’re treading water, tantalizing your audience as they watch you sink deeper and deeper into the ocean.  They want you to fail as your vision blurs and your limbs shrivel with exhaustion.  You watch their pale faces with painted on smiles and take one last breath as you plunge into oblivion.  
But I don’t want you to go like that.  

I want to give you iridescent pearls so that when you take your last breath you feel beautiful and hold that breath in your heart until your posture becomes so confident that you finally know your worth.  I want you to believe that a white washed world isn't a “right” one but instead one that has become accepted by the same society that told you 245 years ago that you were property and your purpose in life was to serve those without melanin in their skin but steel in their hearts.  And the only difference between being branded by your slave owner is that now you pay $250 for that brand new pair of Jordans and participate in a sport where your leaders more often than not refuse to respect you as an individual but instead as a number followed by a k that can make them rich and you in pain.  

But you will succeed and no one will ever pierce your ebony skin because I promise you, I promise you that you are a speck of galaxy in world of pure Crayola.  You are brown, intelligent, and tall in a generation of ignorance of the fact that Michael Jackson wasn't trying to communicate to a certain race but instead a feeling but we associate everything with race.  When I am emotional I tend to not make sense but the thing is that YOU make sense so hold the microphone and speak to the world and one day instead of Martin Luther King being a memorial it will just be. To be.  

The only thing that scares me is that your night terrors tend to take place in front of mirrors where I cant protect you from shards of glass breaking your skin and tearing your self esteem apart.  And when you walk on graduation day and a white male hands you your diploma say thank you with your mouth and I made it with your eyes and then turn to your mom and hug her because in two years as you walk down the street in a dress suit and nice shoes instead of Jordans you realize that most of communication between the white male is non-verbal and all he's saying is, “get out” “you do NOT belong”.  They think it’s appropriate to act this way because the howl of your skin breeds intimidation and it is sadly accepted to just shoot
— you
not that it matters anyway

in this moment I want you to remember when you were seven years old and you rubbed white lotion into your knees thinking it would make your skin lighter your life lighter your problem lighter.  It didn’t.  Hold your head high for that seven year old now 27 year old brown child.
                                                                                            

And one day you will be happy because you are happy when you are loved.  So many in this world neglect you but love your culture.  Each year you complain about your routine becoming routine but go ahead and cry about your life because I know the zest in your tears reminds you of your Grandfathers cologne.  And I want you to start over, say hello to yourself.  Take a step back and bask in your beauty because that is you and you are close to perfect.  You can be magic.  

Touch the heart of the world and make it smile.  Marry a moonbeam and hear the stars sing and don’t let the monsters in your head ruin your dreams.  And the people who don’t want you to succeed you need to destroy them in the most beautiful way possible.  And when you leave them for something greater they will finally understand why storms are named after people.

2 am is the hardest
when your mind is racing
your heart is hurting
and
your fingertips are longing
for one more
touch,
grab,
feel,
hold.
so you convince yourself
that your hands are his
and you try to make yourself
feel how he
made you feel
but somehow, you
keep coming up short

i dont think you understand
there a demonic side to me
he lurks beneath the surface
just waiting to break free
i no longer trust myself
in making these decisions
these illusions call me out
shot me down with precision
and they're a perfect marksmen
shots only made by the best
and i'm hiding within myself
afraid of all the rest
tho this should make no sense
these shadows are my own
the perfect marksmen are false
images my mind has grown
yet here they stand
and somehow so real
seeing them spun me around
i dont know what to feel
i keep telling myself
everyone has this pain
but im faking this smile
and its really starting to wane
i force it till its back
thankful for all this
strength made from pain
hiding in the darkness

You must be the coolest kid in school,
A common sense level of 102 out of 100,
Clearly you know it’s not their fault for clustering words together like peanut butter is stuck in the back of their throats.
Your parents must find you the nicest kid in the world, as long as you are the only person they know.
If you treat them like a 5 year old,
They might still watch spongebob,
But not because it’s the greatest show on T.V. history,
But because they want to bring back their childhood before they got picked on.
Getting picked on for having a brain that works like a factory without an assembly line.
For caring more about everyone around them to feel like their normal,
when in reality,
No one is normal.
You make them fill up water bottles for star players but if you look deeper in the lineup,
they’re the real MVP’s
I know you cant stand going social Suicide for a day by sitting with them even though, they would give you a ribcage and a Heart beat if your chest ever gets attacked by emotion..
If god did create this world he obviously had some kind of disorder,
why else would he randomly choose the colors Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Violet, And purple to create a rainbow. Because he wanted to show people with disorders have beauty on the inside too..

If some dreams actually do come true, I hope the Nightmare I had the other night about everyone going back to their normal lives and not being affected by this is, just my imagination going crazy.
We should all be able to look in the mirror and not pity ourselves for how we look or act or even how our mind functions because there is a never ending chain of someone having it worse, you just need to get the telescope out and find it, like a twinkling star that shines the brightest in all others hearts.