my mind is a boy and
my body is a girl
i forget-
I forget.
then I see myself-
hips and waist and chest
and I'm surprised
"I didn't think I looked like this."
I forgot.
I'm a pretty boy.
Hair spiked, khol under my eyes
but i'm
a pretty girl too.
dress clings to my curves
and shows off the parts of me that
boys want to see.
I want to be a pretty boy.
i'm already a pretty girl. shouldn't that be easier?

Hidden truth buried deep inside
Feelings weren't enough
Bottled emotion like cigarette smoke
Fuming until you cough

Hiding inside a masquerade
Hoping to fit the mold
Until one day your bow breaks
And your crinkled truth unfolds

Fake happy till the smile fades
Until the once blue sky turns gray
And you wish one day it'll be over
The world will know you're gay

God, was she beautiful.
She was my best friend.
I wanted her to be more than that.
We were inseparable
Always together.always on the phone. Always caring for each other.
We practically spent our whole lives together.
God the days we’ve wasted.

In this life and afterlife.

“mylove what would I do without you.”
“I don’t know. Die.?”
I chuckled jokingly.
“Exactly.”
“And what would I do without you.?”
“die.”
“Exactly.”
We shared a laugh together.
“I love you, don’t you ever forget that.”
I whispery shouted, while shifting up, focusing on her pearly brown eyes.
“I’m not going nowhere.”
She smiled.
I smiled.
I loved her.
And she loved me.
Or so I hoped.
We called. we talked all day. it was the happiest days of my life.

In this life and afterlife.

phone rings.
It’s her.
I answered.
Someway. Somehow. I could feel her trembling through the phone.
she was saying how done she is with life. How she wants to go.
Me and her never had good relationships with our parents.
Trauma we both shared together.
Together and forever.
I insisted that we meet up.
We met up talk, talk, talk, and talk.
We both were sick of people ****.
We decided to leave together.
so we hugged, one last time.
we kissed.
God that kiss.
We listened to our song one good time.
“White Ferrari”

we pulled out the pocket knife we’ve always kept.
hand in hand.
knife to knife.
chest to chest.
heart to heart.
we kissed one more time.
“In this life and afterlife my love.”
she smiled in response.
we took the knife and stabbed each other,
right in the heart.
in this life and afterlife.
………………
even death couldn’t keep us apart.

I heard that cats wear their hearts on their sleeves
Sleeves being fur, and the cats siamese

they turn black where they are cold,
And light where they feel warm, I’m told

And if i owned a cat, I think it would be neat
To know how they felt, know where to heat

I’d light a fire near the burnt bits, to burn away the coal
Smore making in reverse, flames whitening their soul

People aren't like cats though, where they’re cold is hard to find
So much I’d give to know your needs, and look inside your mind

But even if we’re not siamese, you should know I’d like to say,
I want to make eachother warm till we’re white and gray

Love and passion are often confused–
I began with something real.
Love and passion don’t walk side by side, love
tears down walls with a hurricane of butterfly wings

and passion walks easily through the rubble.
I don’t believe in the thrill of the chase, the
opposites attract, or the love that's formed
between two people lost together at sea. Fake.

I’ve experienced 100 exciting-stressful things
but I’ve only experienced 1 you. And they have not
felt the same. The night we met in front of canes
I had lied to my father, and my mother, to see you.

I hated the thrill of the lie, driving with you high,
off devices I couldn't name, I hated that.
But we kept going and chatting, I ignored a stop sign
Sure that I would get pulled over, knuckles red-white,

But you spoke sweetly, said it was ok, I think we knew
that I was colorblind to red when it came to you, and you
smiled when I called with my friends, and you looked so pretty
in the streetlights, and we talked like it was easy. I loved that.

One fish asks another, How’s the water today? The second replies,
What is love? It’s okay if it doesn’t make sense to you—
it makes sense to me, like the way I needed you
before I even knew your name. and honestly

It feels like I met you twice, on the luckiest day of the year, and
the luckiest day of my life, and again in a Kalhert parking lot.
Disappointedly sober, so we crawled into each other unprotected,
And shared songs like pieces of ourselves.  I met you there.

To have learned love from you, I am eternally grateful
that I will never have to feel love turn to hate, or feel
the sting of betrayal, because we weren’t perfect together
but you were perfect with me, and you handled my heart gently

I Think how wonderful it is that I have loved you, because you have
given me love in the buildings and in the trees, and countless things
that bring me back to the thought of you, and I will love to take my walks
and hear your smile, in the way the wind blows through the reeds, of our preservation

When I die
No one will mourn
There will be a funeral
Many will attend
mourning someone
That died when I was 10
The gravestone will be mistaken
About who I am
The people will weep
And mourn for long
But not for me
For they have it wrong
They will mourn the girl in the casket
A shell of who I once was
No one will mourn me
That is no lie
When I die they will mourn the shell
of a girl i once was
But the little boy inside
who’s always wanted to come out
No one will mourn him
Ace will be forgotten
He will be erased.

That boy from Virginia
The one I once knew
We never met in person
But I wish that we had
You knew more about me
Then I knew myself
You’re 2 years older
God you’re almost 17
I remember when we first met
You were 13
You’ve ghosted me twice
But sometimes you return
I’m not sure you will this time
But I hope that you do
We wanted to live in Germany
With horses and cats
We talked about band
And how I wanted a cat
We’ve seen each other in our highs
As well as our lows
We grew up together
But now you’ve gone on
You’ve grown up more
And left me back
If you happen to see this
Please come reach out
Oh Kass from Virginia
I miss you

He wants to be your boy
Soft and innocent
And rough, but coy
Though, he knows he'll never be intimate

You want to be a boy
A defined jaw
Ecstatic and full of joy
The most handsome boy you ever saw

I am a boy
I ruffle my hair when I talk
Standing confident in corduroy
But the definition is lost in the fog

Each day, I wake as though it’s my last.
Breath held gentle, shadows cast.
No sudden steps, no need to rush.
My soul stands half-stitched to this earth,
afraid to leave before it’s whole.

And when the night begins to break,
And silence draws across the ache,
Just longing for a little grace.
To leave no mess, no word unsaid.
I kneel  beside my bed and pray...

If it’s Your wish, God, let me live to see the next day,
not to escape death,
but to finish what life began in me.
But if I must, my soul You keep,
For I have lived, and I have loved.

And so I wait, both still and brave,
A quiet prayer in each wave.
Because living, for me, is a sacred thing
a wish come true in a trembling place.
Just hoping to rise to one more day.


Written by Micko.
©️ 3.05.2025