My heart it hurts
It breaking my rips from the inside out
It leaves me rooting right through
Makes me frow up all the love i have for you

Every cut on my skin proves
Im willing to lern how to lose
Myself even more than you
They ***** the love i cannot give you

My head is full of dreams and stories
Stiffed to the brim with new idees
You're in every happy ending
In every book i erase myself

Let me paint you in the morningsun
Capture you grinning to the girls you love
Let me use this brush and paint
To give you an insight of your light

Every tear fell from my cheeks
Proves im not just a freak
I feel and feel and cant help but think
Oh how better life would be
without existing

The scent through the door is clear
It smeels like rotten pease and leaves
It feels like a forgotten dream
It feels like a missed opportunity

And when she'll die ill be in pices
Will you see it will you be there
To safe me from ripping open
My heart is butcherd bleeing broken

I like them bedroom bullies,
Them nasty dominant  *******,
Put them tatas on me ,
Let them suffocate me ,
And even if I die,
It would be with a good cause,
Gently choke my neck,
Change them gears ,
Do some quick acceleration,
There comes some flapping  sounds,
Down the hill we roll,
Swimming in our own sweat,
As my lips whisper your name, "zaddy",

Some nights into the fantasy  world I sink ,
Eyes closed as I visualize you each second ,
The shape of your body, your sensitive skin,

Lost in your eyes,
I stretch my hand and pull you closer,
Your body against mine,
Our lips touch,
Our tongues entangled,
The soft and slow moans fill our room,
As we dance to the music of our sweet sounds,

From a far we can  hear our heartbeats, as our souls sync,
Into the wilderness we fly,
If this love is a sin , why does it feel so pure and holy  loving you?

Just like an angel flung out of space ,
My love for you will always be genuine,
A beautiful flower in my garden,
I'll  forever water you,
Keep you close to the window so that you can flourish,
You're  no ordinary flower but a  queen in my garden,
Your  enticing pheromones will feel the room,
And I'll be the only bumblebee to pollinate you, my love,
Deep inside your alluring  petals  covered  with your nectar,
I'll be so committed in your garden,
I'll keep coming back for more and more,
And you'll magnificently bloom in all seasons.

Her kitchen is my safe haven,
Nutritious and full of sweet aroma,
She is a professional,
She knows how to feed my cravings,
Unlimited service 24/7,
Hey, here is your tip.

Oh, cut me loose from these chains of love,
My mind is numb and my heart is broken,
To you I am a stranger, to me you are the only love of my life,
The girl of my dream in my dreams,
You have become my daily routine, my dose,
I'll  let my mind be consumed by what it desires the most,
Have I ever crossed your mind?
Oh, cut me loose from these chains of love.

a deadname is not just a name
it is a person that you want to forget
that person lived the most tragic life
and that person died the most tragic death

“deadname, deadname!!”
the people all shout
but that persons gone, finding their own way about

instead, they were replaced by another
with a more comfortable smiling face
who will follow their own lead
and can be who they want to be

my deadname does not represent ME.

It's always between the two.
Myself or everyone else?
Myself or my family?
Honest to myself or acceptable to everyone else?
Truth or tradition?

I don't want to lose them, their respect, everyone's respect.
Nobody is going to accept me or take me seriously, and I can't just give up everything I'm known as.
Can't give up the little I have left.

But I can't live like this.
Every day like this just feels so wrong.
I hate myself,
I hate living.

I can't live my life like this, live someone else's life.
I try to convince myself that I'm wrong, that I'm just doing it for the 'trend', for attention
but I can't.
I can't stand looking like this, being seen as something I'm just not.

But a big part of society hates the existence of people like me,
my friends hate the existence of people like me,
my family hates the existence of people like me.

What am I meant to do?
I hate this so much.
The constant reminders, the self-hatred, peer-judgment, fear, frustration, people on social media and the news and the government and ****,
I hate this so so so much.

To hold your hand, to taste your skin
To love you, they claimed, was my first sin.

For you are my heaven, my breath, my song,
Yet to love you feels both right and wrong.

The weight of faith and fear collide,
In a heart that aches but cannot hide.

But my parents wait where the angels dwell,
And I fear this love will lead to hell.

But if I must lose you to see their face,
Would heaven not feel an empty place?