Down the stairs, to the left. Creeeak... Step... Step...
His door closed, I creep up... Click!... Creeak... Unlocked;

Closed door, lights dim, dark red with lust;
Hours late, he plays me such as he does his violin.
Bodies tight, musk, and my perfume.
Start off slow, savor the taste, his mouth on mine, non to waste.

Sweat and kisses, bites my neck; Slides in, and plays his deck.

Lip balm - so that my girlfriend can kiss the juiciest lips.
Face cream - so that she can pat the most tender cheeks.
Hand cream - so that she can feel the most gentle touch.
Eye cream - so that she can look into my sparkling eyes as much
as she'd likes.
Hair balm - so that she can adore my very soft hair.
That's why I do the skincare...

Every day is a performance, a never ending act
I always must perform or people will attack
I've become nothing more than a fake
I've no idea how much more I can take
They've forced me to hide who I love, who I am-deep down inside
When all I've ever wanted is to embrace myself with pride
They force me to wear a mask
Every day, a constant task

“Be yourself, be independent” they say
Yet when I do they always turn away
It shouldn't be like this, it isn't ******* fair
But who am I kidding, they don't ever care
The only time they care is when there's another suicide on TV
I worry I'll share that fate, just another statistic to be
I don't know where to go or what to do
So I'm crying for help, a message to you

I love you.
Okay there,
I said it.
You happy?
I love you.
I haven’t stopped.
Ever since that day in my car.
The grace of your hand on mine.
When there’s silence,
It’s not uncomfortable.
We fit together.
Like puzzle pieces,
Like a pb and j.
Like two halves of a heart.
You know I would do anything for you right?
Having a mental breakdown at 3 am,
I’ll hop in my car.
Having a code red at school,
I’ll skip for you.
And you know what a code red means,
Because we made up a whole secret language.
Our own secret language that only we know.
I know your favourite colour.
I know your up’s and down’s.
When your happy,
And when your sad.
I know your passion in life,
And I know your scared to go for it.
I know these things,
Because I love you.

I love you,
Like how you love the moon.
I love you,
Like how you love a foggy forest in the morning.
I love you,
Like how you love your coffee.
I love the imperfect side of you.
The side you find hard to love.
I love your messy hair.
I love your scars.
I love your insecurities

Because I love you.

“Lumen,” meaning light in Italian,
“Luna,” moon in Spanish.
Luminary; a person who inspires or influences others—
A natural body of light.

An illuminated individual saying,
“I’m bright. I’m seen.”

I always liked how the Moon shines and brightens the night.
They lead their storm of stars in the dark blue sky.
Everyone below could see as they would confidently stride.
Humans and fireflies might make their own light, but neither could compare to that of the moon.
Lumin is a bright leader, casting their light onto the world.

Lumin isn’t intimidated by those who can’t handle their radiance.
They keep shining on anyway.

So why am I?

Society sees us as black and white,
Good or bad,
Wrong or right,
Even their shades of gray are seen as improper and strange and not right.

But I am not black or white and
I am not those shades of gray,
I am bent light.

I strive when it's rainy and shine high and bright
I am the small ray of rainbow light,
A ROYGBIV full of life.

Even if they say I'm too blinding,
I'll keep on shining and I won't conform.
I’ll blind them with my radiating pride.
I won't let the world see me in black and white.

it was that night.
it ****** me over for months.
a spur of the moment decision found us on top of a mountain.
no one to find us.
no one to disturb us.
it was me and her.
alone.
the gentle touch of her hand
so soft.
so supple.
it felt right.
for me at least.
there wasn’t a forcefulness.
we connected.
just like that.
i felt at peace with her.
even in the silence,
i was present with her.
i wanted to be in the same space as her.
i wanted to know her.
to hold her hand.
to mean something to her.
i wanted to hug her and never let go.
because she makes me feel like everything will be okay.

but that was before.
i’m not exactly sure why i told her.
i just complicate things when i open my mouth.
of course she doesn’t feel the same way.
why would she?
who would?

sadly having attachment issues,
those feelings didn’t go away.
i still want to hold her hand.
to mean something to her.
to know her.
kiss her.
she makes my problems go away.
just her existence is enough to make me smile.
so as she’s living her life,
handling her feelings to someone else,
i’m left scattered like broken glass.
faking a smile when i see her,
avoiding my feelings when i talk to her.
because i cannot be scattered even more.

The sun keeps on rising
Yet, there is no blue—
It keeps on setting,
Yet, there is no red,
As if every hue had bled
Onto this crown of lavender around my neck.

Let every ray
Burn through my bones,
Let the dust remind you
Of the star we once were,
Let my remains evaporate among the clouds,
The rain, drown this Earth,
The fire, be meaningless

Once coming back home to
Your light,
Forever coming back home to
September's embers.