You deserve another girl;
I would be a flapper in your world.
The bad guy in your fairytale,
the one to reject the veil.

I don't understand
Why anyone would want to be pretty
When they could be unique
I know that I would rather be me
Than be pretty
Sorry to say that looks ain't all that
But trust me,
It's the character that matters
Not what the character's wearing
It is more beautiful
When the character does something
That is pretty
When they tell you
How amazing the character looks
And how everyone ought to be jealous
I'm sorry,
But I want to match my outside with my in
And if my inside has purple hair,
A lip ring
And stretched ear lobes
Then that's exactly what I want to look like
Because to me, that's an action
And you know that actions
Are really what makes a story
Real

So who here wants to be pretty?

What's it like to let me go?
I asked you twice and still don't know
I'd never thought you'd stoop so low
At least I've learned to manage though
All the pain
And all the shame
You put me through
For all my being was never enough
I can't believe I ever had loved you
Why on earth did I ever love you?
Why did I love you?
I loved you

Causing them so much frustration
Wanting me to be their perfect little princess
But that's the one thing I'll never be

Why do they put pressure on me?
Expecting everything to be easy
And for me to be so oblivious to them
What they say
What they whisper
Behind my back

You should love me for being myself
Let me be who I am
It's torturing me
That I can't break free
From the expectations
Limitations

Not a stranger to the lies
When our eyes meet
I do not wish to be afraid
I do not wish to be a disappointment
Even though I already am

These scars wouldn't be so hidden
If you would just look me in the eye
I want to be safe in your embrace
Not threatened to  be caged
Far from all I know

I am alone
In this house
Barely heard
Tears that cannot drip
Yet crash like rain
A hurricane of pain

The violence causes silence
From it
The ashes stir
Who are we mistaken?

With their words
And their actions
And their lack of empathy
Another will is breaking
Heart takes over

Inside
They are writhing in agony
Bottling the truth
And giving it to the ocean
Forever lost
Yet always there
Waiting to be found

Their way
Or no way
Just keep quiet
They won't suspect a thing
When you disappear...

- Jay M
April 22nd, 2019

I know it hurts so much
For me to hear you say it
Though I understand you
We must move on by then

It's hard for me to process
But I have to face it all
In order for me to move on
I have to erase our memories together

The first time I met you
It felt like we were meant to be
My heart was skipping a beat
As I approached you with confidence

We began going out in a low-key manner
Still with friends
Getting to know you slowly
And getting comfortable with one another

Until one day
You gave me a text that we need to meet
I felt the excitement jumping in me
Only to find out that it was the complete opposite on that Saturday

You said you weren't ready and we're still young
I told my intentions to you
But that would mostly be the last time I talked to you
And see you

I know that someone else will love you much better than me
His efforts would mean much more than mine
I pray that you'll remember all the good times we had together
And now it's time for me to tell you that it's time to let me go

I hung my feet off the balcony and wondered what it was like to fly,
I wore my heart on my sleeve and wondered what it's like to die,
Baby I'm suicidal and you don't love me,
That's a dangerous mix but who can judge me, 
I'm insane and I'm in love,
I'm trying but it's not enough,
When I look off the edge I'm so tempted to jump,
Cause I'm tired of lying I'm tired of this front,

My knees are always shaking now,
Feels like I'm always falling down,
Am I dying ? No I'm living,
Life is pain, it's unforgiving,
And God I just want to give up,
And God  I've just had enough,
And God this is just to much,
And God that was the last punch,
I've got no more fight left in me,
Just enough self hate to **** me,

And I'm singing please don't help me now,
Not when I'm so close to going down,
Please don't help me now,
I'd rather go down,
Please don't help me now ,
I'd rather go down, oh I'm singing please don't help me now ,
Not when I'm so close to going down

I'm fading fast,
I'm wasting away,
My love will last,
But I can't stay,

So please don’t help me now, not when I’m so close to going down

The dreams,
The ghost of you haunts me every waking night.

Get out of my head,
And let me free.

As I sleep, the fantasy is a paradise,
As I wake, becometh a nightmare, once and overmore.

The memory of it all tears my strung-up heart apart,
Get out of my head....
                    or come back to my eyes.

~Robert van Lingen