Oh, that sweet,
intoxicating feeling.

So, addictive
after one-time use.

I want it
I need it.

That adrenaline,
that dopamine.

You keep the drugs.
You control the dose.

I’m just a desperate ******
who’s in love with you.

I’m making an honest living
Everything else I’m giving
To keep the world spinning
Yet I feel I’m not winning
As others pass me
Thinking they’re classy
Their weapons blast me
Causing pain everlasting

They’re like crack addicts
With attack tactics
Viciousness attracted
Their violence didactic
They can’t spare the rock
In this paradox
Where they care for stocks
And selling glocks

Farmer
Meets charmer
A disguised harmer
Dressed in social armor
With wealth they flex
For wealth is success
Wealth can undress
****** impressed

Materialism strangles
With salesman angles
The consumer tangled
Becomes helplessly mangled
Looking to turn the tables
I cut my social cables
A cutthroat mentality enabled
Only financially am I stable

A ******
Hunts me
Grunting
Bluntly
About getting his dues
Through cut and bruise
Controlling the news
So I know I’ll lose

The social anxiety
Inside of me
Pirating
The life of me
From the strife I see
Makes acting righteously
Seem like goodnight for me

To avoid being a fool
I play by their rules
By acting cruel
To win this duel
Of fatal competition
That Satan envisioned
For our moral dereliction
From our paper prescription

With no self esteem
I join a selfish team
With a hellish dream
Believing genocide cleans
I’m always conforming
To not be a minority
But a thorn in me
Says I’m *******

I’m perched in the mist
Of being purposeless
So ******* purchases
Drown my worthlessness
When my heart is dying
Yet I must keep producing
I think that I’m trying
Which is quite amusing
After demon fusing
I can’t see I’m losing

I’ve morphed from a hoper
Into an interloper
Who’s splintered poker
Becomes society’s choker

Truth is,
most of us
are junkies.
Always
chasing for
that hit,
paying with
our hearts,
all for the
high we get
from the
sweetest drug
called love.

But
I promised
myself that
I’ll be sober
and clean.
I need to
get you
out of
my system.

Looking for answers at the bottom of a bottle

Trying to drown my demons

Who knew the ******* learned to swim

Dropping to my knees screaming to the sky

Praying I’m heard and granted relief

Tired of hearing the devil on my shoulder

Wanting to tell him ******* and good bye

Knowing it’ll never be that easy

If only they knew the thoughts that I have

Doing everything I can to dull this feeling

This warped way of thinking that my answer to these problems

Are the actual problems I’m faced

Blaming everything and everyone for the way I feel

Knowing **** well I’m the catalyst

To this round about life I live in.

Love, what sweet despair
and what mournful joy
Is love, having a wife
To hold at night
To kiss after work
or
Is love, changing the lonely shower
into the ******* hour
To hold at night
To make love with after work;
Though:
Is love, the poison of our hearts
and the fuel of despair
To cry at night
To drink after work

My mother she was one with palms pressed
                                                Asking for help..
Help to feed us,
Help to keep her afloat.

You listened, wait what was that?
                                     you didn't...
Na you played her, used her trust
in you like a torment, she looked to
the heavens and all you gave was hell..

Men were  less than what she saw,
but always too late.
            Married in your place
                                         of every prayer.
But you just kept knocking her down there.

Last time I went to church was
                    because there was free chocolate.
You see with me, my mother grasped  at
straws. She went from one form of you
to another like a ****** clinging to a new fix.

But you were just like before, same old ****,
                 different day...
I knew long before you weren't one to be trusted?
Why you ask? Because there where ones before you..
                      I read your book in the fantasy section.
This thing needed a
                    
                           Parental Guidance Sticker.

Some contorted morals, thrown in with what
                  can be only described as a  WFT's.
I knew that those at these places of worship
                   peddling there own version of this god..
Didn't believe there own words, so why the hell
would I be gullible enough to be a sheep in there world.

The last time I went to church,
                                         was for free chocolate.
                                    The last time she went was in a coffin..

Soot on the bottom of
a torn Coca-Cola can...
remnants of cut laden
Q-tip heads stuck on the outside... man what's he thinking
he wants to get caught
these aren't the errors
of a person trying to hide.

The rig most certainly taken from a Consolidated EMS kit made from several others that belonged to his grandpa when he was still alive.....
and sure enough
there it is right in plain sight.

The kitchen faucet been running for a good 10 minutes... nope...
I haven't heard the
distinctive sound of dishes hitting the edge
as you rinse off the soap.
Walk back into the kitchen, curiosity peaked...
"What are you whacked out on dude, must be some good dope!"

His conscience won't let him lift his head and look me in the eye, he struggles to mumble some ******* some lie. " Sure okay," I mutter and then walk away.

We all have our demons and I'm no saint but we've had this discussion before and it's no pretty picture you decided to paint. You've shown your true colors and it's no secret where loyalties lie. Your souls turning black and is ready to die.

"I don't care what habits or needs you might have as long as you handle your business" was what I had said just 8 months before.... In one ear out the other, you walked out the door.

So you're probably fuming right now saying... "****** hypocrite, what gives him the right?"
Well it's like this....
I don't need to Snoop
to know what goes on at night.

Your eyes are devoid of the nephew I once met.... there was warmth love and joy ....It seemed genuine back then but I looked for the light first...there was no need to figure you out yet.

But now all I see are secretive eyes and all I hear in your air are con artist lies.  But true... These suspicions don't give me the right and I wasn't snooping I tell you no lies.

Grandma wanted the old couch back in the living room. God knows what you find with a dustpan and broom. Amongst all the trash that you could have thrown away.... the tools of the trade.

Easy enough to check the EMS kit I'd shown you to realize it's missing most of the insulin needles and syringes... At this point I had as much right to look through your **** as you did to look through and take from mine.

So calm yourself son I'm worried for you... GagieWagies gone missing.  I  would much rather say, "Ah he's just gone fishing" but I fear it's much worse... Just don't hook the reaper is all that I'm wishing.

I love you brother
and hopefully you find
your true gift
so you can be released
from the black chains
that won't let your soul lift.
But until you do
I can't have you killing us
slowly with worry.

So if this is the life you've chosen and your family, the street, please pack up your things
and release us from your flurry.

Burned lips, charcoal lungs prowling for a breath.
Death wags its tail smells for a flesh to sink its teeth into.
Mortal man;
Entangled in the sweet web of addiction. Caught in a suicidal company. Yet, never strayed.
Something beats within my frame. A rotten heart. Shallow, but it evokes pain.
Eyes dimmed by apathy. My bleeding wrist soaked the canvas in red.

Instable mind,
Infected void,
A vulnerable body which greets the morning with a fever. Between the fingers holding a brand new
*** subsides the itching.
Mediocre,
Lacking lustre,
Pushing pain into poetry and prose. Subconsciously, I, emulate the old dogs and the papery white
moon smirks at my endeavour.

With a razor,
With a rope,
I, tried to bid this poet a farewell. But, he never departed.
Madness off the leash,
Broken tiles of dreams pave the floor. Not the stars.
But,
Hung bodies crowded the sky.
I'm a cheat, a thief.
Sadness in a vessel. A dying light in the night and what made you think you could save me?