I get drunk to not think about you,
yet you slip through the cracks,
every night you dance in my thoughts,
just to fade when I open my eyes;

I hold onto the scars that remain
because that's all I can bear to
keep after we were over;
I kept the wounds open just to hurt

Sometimes I touch my heart
where you rested your head
& I cry alone at night when
you aren't here laying down

It doesn't really matter, though,
staying stuck in the past hurts;
looking to the future without you,
that is truly what doesn't matter

It's been a year since you
took your own life away
& left a note for me
telling me that you're
sorry that you broke

I wish you would have called
tried to talk to me before
you took the pills
but we were complicated
another friendship too far

I'm sorry you fell for me
when my heart was for
somebody else
who ended up killing me
yet you're the one who died

Your gravestone rips me in two
& the ****** up thing really is
if you had stuck around a few
more months then maybe
we'd have had happily ever after

I need to accept that you're gone,
not coming back into my life;
to accept the reality that
you were another casualty
I couldn't prevent
couldn't stop...

I can't stop counting the days,
not the weeks or months, but days
that have passed without so much
as a whisper from your heart;
I can't stop breathing your aroma,
the memories that stab my dreams...

I hope & pray you are happy
found somebody who loves you
a fraction as much as I did;
I hope your family is okay
that there was forgiveness &
mending in the days since...
I hope you're okay

I love you always...

There's a spit of land where I live
Jutting out into the water, the strait
It's rocky, but has beaches, too
Lots of feral housecats live there
Breeding for years, now....

This place is where my innermost thoughts and feelings
get explored by my broken mind and heart;
heart... just a cavern anymore...
filled with the bones of too many dead friendships
dead relationships
dead friends
dead lovers
why is death such a common thing in my life anymore?

The rising tide wraps around my ankles but I stay in place
standing there staring at the country across the strait
the mountains I've never climbed and I wonder why;
why do I feel so hopeless and destitute anymore?
Why do I bother living anymore when all I know is pain?
How come I feel like I'm drowning from the inside out?
the water is to my knees

I've loved three women in my life
tried to love a dozen more but couldn't
tried to save a hundred souls and can't
so I cry in a pillow at night
I cry standing here and now
salty tears mixing with salty water
just a drop in the ocean I can't change
why can't I change my life?
why can't I make things right?

I keep building up walls but the water pours over
up to my neck and I'm still standing still
I'm a statue with a stone heart,
no,
a stone shell of a heart
cuz I invited hell to my heart
I lost my start
and there's no restarts
High tide fills my lungs
just close my eyes and let it happen